embarassing moments

[communistcow]

I spend so much time thinking about things that happened so long ago (but also recent events) that made me feel embarrassed. The time I accidentally made a racist comment maybe in kindergarten and my dad and I had a talk about Martin Luther King, Jr. and how I need to be open-minded. When I was six, we were at Empress Gardens and I put some duck sauce on my plate and then I licked the plastic spoon. My parents said no, you can't do that and so I switched it out for my unused spoon. How I couldn't learn Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star on the violin that year, and I didn't get the certificate of excellence. In second grade, on the way back from dance class I asked my mom why I couldn't go to the Bette Midler concert, and she and my third-grade friends in the car with us laughed at me and said it wasn't an appropriate show for my age. In fifth grade I. In seventh grade we hid out in a classroom in the JCC so that we wouldn't have to participate in color war. Randy Specter found us and yelled at us, but we tried to say we were sick and that was why, but she knew we were lying. Then her daughter was a guest star on an episode of Gilmore Girls. She called our parents. Mine weren't even mad, just confused. The time I almost got to kiss a dream boy of the twenty-first century but then I threw up in Laura's backyard because I was too crunk. Last semester, I couldn't tell the Catalyst my name; I told them to pick, and everyone was just so confused.

All the fits I've thrown.

I think about most of these things pretty much every day. So maybe it's wretched and difficult to be me,

but also

If those were really human eyeballs we were playing with in first grade science club. and
Today a boy in the cafe ate his dinner with chopsticks and I thought, me too.
And I still wonder all kinds of things about the future.