(no subject)
Allen's visitation was tonight. It was....so hard. Harder than I thought it would be.
I was fine almost the whole day. Went to work, did the work thing, got together with Melissa and Matt, and we made our way to Winchester. But when we walked into the church... I started feeling intensely weird.
We walked up the aisle, and there he was. Laying in his coffin, like he was asleep. Dress shirt on, and even a baseball cap that was all turned sideways and stuff. I stood there, clenching Melissa's hand, and as I saw him, I cried.
Not sobbing out loud, but the tears were there. I just couldn't stay too long. We then moved to the gym where they had a guestbook for everyone to sign, a slideshow up on a projector, and a few tables with pictures, awards and diplomas, various soccer and bowling attire of his. The other hard part was where the family was lined up against one of the walls. I didn't know what to say to them. I mean, it's not like I ever met them or anything, and since we weren't the closest of friends, they had absolutely no idea who I was. I ended up just walking up and doing the silent, respectful nod type thing. That part was awkward.
I mean, what do you say? "I'm sorry for your loss" was out, I'm sure they'd heard it all day and I know I'd be sick of it. "My condolences" was a big no. There's really...really nothing I could say.
After we left there, we had dinner, and hung out for a while until they finally had to leave to go back to Louisville. Got to see Kira, that was a happy time.
I'm feeling better now, for the most part. It's still...on my mind, but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much.
I talked to mom about it a little bit afterward, she had called me. She said she thought it was a very important thing that I did, going to pay my respects and all that. We talked about it, how hard it was seeing someone I was at one time somewhat close to, someone of my peer group, laying there like that. It's a huge thing to deal with.
But, life goes on. It always will. There's no sense in dwelling on it for too long. I just hope...as weird as it is for me to genuinely say something like this because of my neutrality when it comes to things like religion and heaven...I hope he's in a good place, a happy place. And he will be missed, by so many people.
I was fine almost the whole day. Went to work, did the work thing, got together with Melissa and Matt, and we made our way to Winchester. But when we walked into the church... I started feeling intensely weird.
We walked up the aisle, and there he was. Laying in his coffin, like he was asleep. Dress shirt on, and even a baseball cap that was all turned sideways and stuff. I stood there, clenching Melissa's hand, and as I saw him, I cried.
Not sobbing out loud, but the tears were there. I just couldn't stay too long. We then moved to the gym where they had a guestbook for everyone to sign, a slideshow up on a projector, and a few tables with pictures, awards and diplomas, various soccer and bowling attire of his. The other hard part was where the family was lined up against one of the walls. I didn't know what to say to them. I mean, it's not like I ever met them or anything, and since we weren't the closest of friends, they had absolutely no idea who I was. I ended up just walking up and doing the silent, respectful nod type thing. That part was awkward.
I mean, what do you say? "I'm sorry for your loss" was out, I'm sure they'd heard it all day and I know I'd be sick of it. "My condolences" was a big no. There's really...really nothing I could say.
After we left there, we had dinner, and hung out for a while until they finally had to leave to go back to Louisville. Got to see Kira, that was a happy time.
I'm feeling better now, for the most part. It's still...on my mind, but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much.
I talked to mom about it a little bit afterward, she had called me. She said she thought it was a very important thing that I did, going to pay my respects and all that. We talked about it, how hard it was seeing someone I was at one time somewhat close to, someone of my peer group, laying there like that. It's a huge thing to deal with.
But, life goes on. It always will. There's no sense in dwelling on it for too long. I just hope...as weird as it is for me to genuinely say something like this because of my neutrality when it comes to things like religion and heaven...I hope he's in a good place, a happy place. And he will be missed, by so many people.