Stand and be heard.
Woot! made another entry in my book today! it's a little too fresh to post though. some of my writing is really good... I mean, I'm surprised that I wrote it when i look back over it again. oh well.
so yeah, here's goes some venting about my inability to have a heathly relationship again... which is really why I'm seeing a shrink on thursday. and I know wher eit came from, and I know why I think it makes me angry, but I just can't let go of it. I think of a woman wanting me to go ahead and show that I'm interested and I get angry. Like it's her fault for desiring that. there's a girl at work that reminds me of all of these failings and frustrations... and I've seen them all before and I'm tired of them. The jealousy, the already having a boyfriend thing, the way I can't get over this damn ego to find out whether or not she (or any other woman for that matter) ever really was interested and all of this anger is just built up to the point of causing my headaches and dizzy spells and frankly I've had enough. I"M SO TIRED OF BEING ANGRY!!! I want to see joy in the way things happen and the natural course of things. just be okay with what should just be in a relationship not what was a part of my parents relationships... who cares!? tey weren't mine! I don't even know the men that did those things to my mother!? why should I feel responsible?
I"m tired of the moral highroad and everything it stands for. I stand for
. I stand for freedom and structure and being yourself. I stand for you and I stand so that I can see.
I stand to make like a better place but I stand so long as it doesn't block anyone's view... I stand to stretch, I stand to gape and to be lost in the air around me. I stand tall and I stand short. I stand alone and I stand in need I stand tall and don't take life for granted, but it's the only life I will ever know. I stand to make a difference but I stand to keep things the same... so long as they are enjoyable. I stand for balance and freedom but not explicitly... I stand, and speak.
... I also stand corrected.
so yeah, here's goes some venting about my inability to have a heathly relationship again... which is really why I'm seeing a shrink on thursday. and I know wher eit came from, and I know why I think it makes me angry, but I just can't let go of it. I think of a woman wanting me to go ahead and show that I'm interested and I get angry. Like it's her fault for desiring that. there's a girl at work that reminds me of all of these failings and frustrations... and I've seen them all before and I'm tired of them. The jealousy, the already having a boyfriend thing, the way I can't get over this damn ego to find out whether or not she (or any other woman for that matter) ever really was interested and all of this anger is just built up to the point of causing my headaches and dizzy spells and frankly I've had enough. I"M SO TIRED OF BEING ANGRY!!! I want to see joy in the way things happen and the natural course of things. just be okay with what should just be in a relationship not what was a part of my parents relationships... who cares!? tey weren't mine! I don't even know the men that did those things to my mother!? why should I feel responsible?
I"m tired of the moral highroad and everything it stands for. I stand for
. I stand for freedom and structure and being yourself. I stand for you and I stand so that I can see.
I stand to make like a better place but I stand so long as it doesn't block anyone's view... I stand to stretch, I stand to gape and to be lost in the air around me. I stand tall and I stand short. I stand alone and I stand in need I stand tall and don't take life for granted, but it's the only life I will ever know. I stand to make a difference but I stand to keep things the same... so long as they are enjoyable. I stand for balance and freedom but not explicitly... I stand, and speak.
... I also stand corrected.