Sleepin' wasn't workin' 'round these parts, so I went for a walk and this entry was on my mind a fair bit. I'm gonna go ahead and bust somethin' out here that hasn't ever really come up, and maybe I'm throwing a gear into the works, but sometimes that's a good thing.
I really don't think you need a counselor. You've been that route a few times before, and the first couple of times are always super-groovy, but it never quite works for you. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but this is the same rant you've always been ranting on here. While I may not have always put my two cents in, I've always kept up with your writings on here. And it seems like you've been fighting the same thing since we were stuffed in the spare room in a little duplex in Qualicum drinking Vodka and falling into really sneaky patches of dirt; I think you place far too much of your self-worth in the hands of others. You're just a great (and consequently very lucky) guy, and those people have usually had your best interests in mind.
From what I can see, you've been doing a lot of looking over the last two years. Leaving UVic, getting a place by yourself, working, and doing your own thing in your own time. As you've said yourself, you've isolated yourself from all of these people. When we talked about this over the last however many years it always felt like you were trying to do everything for everyone, and when that inevitable brick wall came (because dude, it just can't be done. people will always have issues) you shut yourself away from them, almost as if your inability to perfect the world has become a failure you're desperately trying to not look in the eye.
I think that it's time to make some changes, and try things from a different angle. The world is not a perfect place, and people will always have things that make them unhappy. But it's those things that make them appreciate all of the things in their life that are good. Nobody's problems are the same, and everyone can't (and shouldn't) be helped by one person. But really, that's a big part of what makes people so beautiful.
I really hope that this isn't taken to be malicious, or mean, or like I'm trying to shake you by your shoulders and beat my own ideas into your head. But you've been fighting this battle for seven years now; maybe it's time to re-think your strategy. It looks like you've got some pretty level-headed people posting on here who are here if you need it, and I'd like to think you know I always am. See you tomorrow. :)
That was very well said and I appreciate that you put the time and thought into it. and no, I don't feel put upon by what you jsut said.
the thing is, I am trying to rethink my strategy - completely - and for the first time in yhis many years I'm working on not hiding what I'm really feeling. It's a tough habit to create... feeling wahtever it is, when it comes - but I realized I had very strong self-confidence issues.. and trust issues. and the same frustrations that plagued me before are not getting any better by trying to rethink relationships. my drastic change right now is going to be to just trust my friends more. put more faith in the few people that deserve my attention... rather than the people that demand it. and that in itself will be doing me a favour. I've already started working on that and it's helping immensely. I think I needed a real cry out like this because I'd held in my needs for so long.
Sleepin' wasn't workin' 'round these parts, so I went for a walk and this entry was on my mind a fair bit. I'm gonna go ahead and bust somethin' out here that hasn't ever really come up, and maybe I'm throwing a gear into the works, but sometimes that's a good thing.
I really don't think you need a counselor. You've been that route a few times before, and the first couple of times are always super-groovy, but it never quite works for you. I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but this is the same rant you've always been ranting on here. While I may not have always put my two cents in, I've always kept up with your writings on here. And it seems like you've been fighting the same thing since we were stuffed in the spare room in a little duplex in Qualicum drinking Vodka and falling into really sneaky patches of dirt; I think you place far too much of your self-worth in the hands of others. You're just a great (and consequently very lucky) guy, and those people have usually had your best interests in mind.
From what I can see, you've been doing a lot of looking over the last two years. Leaving UVic, getting a place by yourself, working, and doing your own thing in your own time. As you've said yourself, you've isolated yourself from all of these people. When we talked about this over the last however many years it always felt like you were trying to do everything for everyone, and when that inevitable brick wall came (because dude, it just can't be done. people will always have issues) you shut yourself away from them, almost as if your inability to perfect the world has become a failure you're desperately trying to not look in the eye.
I think that it's time to make some changes, and try things from a different angle. The world is not a perfect place, and people will always have things that make them unhappy. But it's those things that make them appreciate all of the things in their life that are good. Nobody's problems are the same, and everyone can't (and shouldn't) be helped by one person. But really, that's a big part of what makes people so beautiful.
I really hope that this isn't taken to be malicious, or mean, or like I'm trying to shake you by your shoulders and beat my own ideas into your head. But you've been fighting this battle for seven years now; maybe it's time to re-think your strategy. It looks like you've got some pretty level-headed people posting on here who are here if you need it, and I'd like to think you know I always am. See you tomorrow. :)
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That was very well said and I appreciate that you put the time and thought into it. and no, I don't feel put upon by what you jsut said.
the thing is, I am trying to rethink my strategy - completely - and for the first time in yhis many years I'm working on not hiding what I'm really feeling. It's a tough habit to create... feeling wahtever it is, when it comes - but I realized I had very strong self-confidence issues.. and trust issues. and the same frustrations that plagued me before are not getting any better by trying to rethink relationships. my drastic change right now is going to be to just trust my friends more. put more faith in the few people that deserve my attention... rather than the people that demand it. and that in itself will be doing me a favour. I've already started working on that and it's helping immensely. I think I needed a real cry out like this because I'd held in my needs for so long.
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