don't read this. its nonsense babble.
last time tonight, i promise.
i feel such a relief right now.
when someone gets under your skin its one thing. when someone gets so far under your skin that they become an issue in your life causing stress its another thing.
i need nothing more than to be freed of my stress right now which conveniently happened tonight. i wish that i could just openly explain the complexity of learning someone like me, but because i realize that i am a complex person, meaning i am more than skin deep - not that im a difficult little bitch, i can explore the options of why others so often appear more complex to me than they really are.
my thought process is most often deep and because of this its overlook, unappreciated, and maybe it should be. i find myself lost in thoughts now more than ever. i overanalyze all of the people closest to me. i relay their choices, words, situations, and many other things over and over in my mind hoping i can find an answer, but all im doing is making everything more complex than it is.
i miss neil. i wish so badly that he was in my life again. his friendship meant so much to me and to watch it wilt and at the same time try to save it from disappearing hurt. his call tonight, though his gestures are sometimes hard to decipher and sometimes seem pointless, was a huge step. for months waiting for him to acknowledge that the friendship we once had was something he missed was one of the hardest thing i ever went through. its because no matter what the circumstances were i still cared. whether i called his antics bullshit or unecessary, or even if i called him an asshole and said he was nothing more than a memory to me, it was never truthful. it was just the fact that i was hurting and i didn't know if he was hurting too and that was not something i was okay with.
god look at me rambling.
to you, even though you don't care that this very comment im about to make is about you:
for so long ive admired you from afar while you've overlooked me and never given me the time of day to show you who i am. yes you're beautiful and you stand out, and i know im not that beautiful standoutish girl that you could ever see yourself with, but maybe if you wouldn't underestimate me you would see that there's more than meets the eye. so try to notice me.... please.
stop me now before i say anything else that'll make me look like a pitty party.
im done for the night.
i feel such a relief right now.
when someone gets under your skin its one thing. when someone gets so far under your skin that they become an issue in your life causing stress its another thing.
i need nothing more than to be freed of my stress right now which conveniently happened tonight. i wish that i could just openly explain the complexity of learning someone like me, but because i realize that i am a complex person, meaning i am more than skin deep - not that im a difficult little bitch, i can explore the options of why others so often appear more complex to me than they really are.
my thought process is most often deep and because of this its overlook, unappreciated, and maybe it should be. i find myself lost in thoughts now more than ever. i overanalyze all of the people closest to me. i relay their choices, words, situations, and many other things over and over in my mind hoping i can find an answer, but all im doing is making everything more complex than it is.
i miss neil. i wish so badly that he was in my life again. his friendship meant so much to me and to watch it wilt and at the same time try to save it from disappearing hurt. his call tonight, though his gestures are sometimes hard to decipher and sometimes seem pointless, was a huge step. for months waiting for him to acknowledge that the friendship we once had was something he missed was one of the hardest thing i ever went through. its because no matter what the circumstances were i still cared. whether i called his antics bullshit or unecessary, or even if i called him an asshole and said he was nothing more than a memory to me, it was never truthful. it was just the fact that i was hurting and i didn't know if he was hurting too and that was not something i was okay with.
god look at me rambling.
to you, even though you don't care that this very comment im about to make is about you:
for so long ive admired you from afar while you've overlooked me and never given me the time of day to show you who i am. yes you're beautiful and you stand out, and i know im not that beautiful standoutish girl that you could ever see yourself with, but maybe if you wouldn't underestimate me you would see that there's more than meets the eye. so try to notice me.... please.
stop me now before i say anything else that'll make me look like a pitty party.
im done for the night.