Hammer, don't hurt!
I've officially eaten half a tub of cookie dough on my own in the last week. And, of that half, half was raw and the other half I had actually baked into cookies. So, 1/4 tub of raw cookie dough, 1/4 tub of cookies made from the very same dough. The part scaring me the most right now, though, is that the other half of the tub is still sitting deliciously in my fridge waiting to be consumed. I better plan on either an extra 15 sit-ups every night for the next couple weeks or a month long depressive, borderline-self-loathing funk. The funk is a little more appealing at the moment - 1) it invokes attention from people and those magical "awwws" from girls that heal everything and 2) there are much less sit-ups involved.
I played my first singles tennis match that actually mattered since high school on Sunday. (Note: I am not counting any matches played in college because the only ones that mattered were try-outs, and none of those were actually full-on matches. Take that to the bank and cash it.) I lost. It's ok though, because this guy was like 6'6", 220, and poster-boy for mid-life fitness-crazed men. He had more power, more reach, and was in much better condition. How the hell am I supposed to beat that? I could have! I was faster and had the shots - spin, slices, drops, and off-speed junk. HOWEVER. Me actually being faster required WAY more work than I could handle and I was quickly exhausted. Plus, I was taking 8 steps to his one gigantic lunge. I asked him to spot me a couple games considering he looked like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and, compared to him, I looked like either Zac or Cody. Or both, I guess...
I'm getting a little sick of all the "Get a Girlfriend!" target ads that keep popping up on my Facebook page. It's like Zuckerberg wants me to know he thinks my life is incomplete. I'd like to say that I don't care what he thinks, but then again he's my age and a billionaire. I'm my age also, but definitely not a billionaire.
The funniest thing I saw though popped up right before I started writing this. It was a step above "Get a Girlfriend!" - "Get a CHRISTIAN Girlfriend!". It should be noted that I'm Christian (well, in my own special way I guess), and three thoughts popped into my head:
1) No.
2) Most Christian girls are either whiney, stuck-up, high maintenance, elitist, virgins, or all of the above. (Note: Nothing against virgins. Good for you. But, I'm not dating somebody with whom I can't roll in the sheets. Before you buy the car you need to test drive it. Make sure everything shifts ok and nothing rattles. Capeche?)
3) The model plastered onto the Date-a-Christian ad has to be the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. She is in a very sexual kneeling position, with her big, pert boobies just poking right out the top of the tightest little tank top money can buy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You could've switched the title "Get a Christian Girlfriend!" with "Get Tug Jobs from Porn's Hottest Newcomers!" and the picture would've fit just as well. I have to say, despite the hypocrisy of the whole thing - I mean, if that's what someone was looking for, they'd be on Adult Friend Finder, not "Get a Christian Girlfriend!" - I had never wanted to date a staunchly religious woman more.
...As long as it was that specific one, and she gave tug jobs.
I played my first singles tennis match that actually mattered since high school on Sunday. (Note: I am not counting any matches played in college because the only ones that mattered were try-outs, and none of those were actually full-on matches. Take that to the bank and cash it.) I lost. It's ok though, because this guy was like 6'6", 220, and poster-boy for mid-life fitness-crazed men. He had more power, more reach, and was in much better condition. How the hell am I supposed to beat that? I could have! I was faster and had the shots - spin, slices, drops, and off-speed junk. HOWEVER. Me actually being faster required WAY more work than I could handle and I was quickly exhausted. Plus, I was taking 8 steps to his one gigantic lunge. I asked him to spot me a couple games considering he looked like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and, compared to him, I looked like either Zac or Cody. Or both, I guess...
I'm getting a little sick of all the "Get a Girlfriend!" target ads that keep popping up on my Facebook page. It's like Zuckerberg wants me to know he thinks my life is incomplete. I'd like to say that I don't care what he thinks, but then again he's my age and a billionaire. I'm my age also, but definitely not a billionaire.
The funniest thing I saw though popped up right before I started writing this. It was a step above "Get a Girlfriend!" - "Get a CHRISTIAN Girlfriend!". It should be noted that I'm Christian (well, in my own special way I guess), and three thoughts popped into my head:
1) No.
2) Most Christian girls are either whiney, stuck-up, high maintenance, elitist, virgins, or all of the above. (Note: Nothing against virgins. Good for you. But, I'm not dating somebody with whom I can't roll in the sheets. Before you buy the car you need to test drive it. Make sure everything shifts ok and nothing rattles. Capeche?)
3) The model plastered onto the Date-a-Christian ad has to be the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. She is in a very sexual kneeling position, with her big, pert boobies just poking right out the top of the tightest little tank top money can buy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You could've switched the title "Get a Christian Girlfriend!" with "Get Tug Jobs from Porn's Hottest Newcomers!" and the picture would've fit just as well. I have to say, despite the hypocrisy of the whole thing - I mean, if that's what someone was looking for, they'd be on Adult Friend Finder, not "Get a Christian Girlfriend!" - I had never wanted to date a staunchly religious woman more.
...As long as it was that specific one, and she gave tug jobs.