empowered
katy was in town this weekend and i got a lot of scrapbooking done.
what is cool about this layout is that the black is x-ray. actual x-ray.
Tonight at karate we were kicking old x-rays… literally. We each had a partner who held up the x-ray for you to use as your target. It makes the craziest popping sound! And kicking that x-ray, for the first time in a long time.... I HAD A MOMENT!
I have myofacial pain disorder. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that it’s similar to fibromyalgia because it’s a chronic and constant pain in the muscles, but unlike fibromyalgia it most likely results after a physical trauma. At least that’s what the doctors told me. I had always had pain growing up but I was told that it was growing pains and that it was normal. We never pinpointed when or what injury caused the pain when I was little, but it was all exacerbated in 2001 when I was assaulted by a client that I cared for at the group home.
What people don’t realize is that myofacial pain (like fibromyalgia) is a legitimate pain. The person who is suffering from it is NOT a hypochondriac. I have pain 24 hours a day and 99% of the time, I just deal with it. I don’t take medication for it anymore because the muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories stopped working and I refuse to take medications that have the potential for addiction. I don’t complain about the pain, and for the most part I don’t let it stop me from everyday life. I don’t talk about it a lot because in my opinion, it’s just another weakness.... and I hate it when people see me as weak.
I have bad flare ups every few years. Strangely, the myofacial pain disorder slows me down immensely and limits what I can do in terms of athletics, but because of the nature of lactic acid build up and the way that lactic acid exacerbates the myofacial pain disorder, it’s a catch 22. When my pain is too serious that I can’t work out, I stay home and relax... thus forcing lactic acid to gather in my muscles... then the lactic acid causes increased pain when working out so I stay home..... And thus begins a vicious cycle.
My last big flare up was right after I moved to Florida and I ended my law enforcement career. At that point I had just finished an intensive 16 week physical training and when I left my job, I let my body go. It didn’t help that I have asthma and around that same time I got pneumonia which clearly created a recipe for disaster. Like any other myofacial pain flare up, I went to physical therapy and did drug therapy, eventually settling back to my normal range of pain. Historically, the time I have always been in the least amount of pain was when I was involved in martial arts. Knowing this, against the advice of the physical therapists but with the support of my personal doctor, I joined karate to have a stable & supportive work out environment. About a year ago, knowing that sometimes people use x-rays as targets as kicking drills, I gave all of my old x-rays to the dojo and I never thought about them again.
So we flash forward to tonight when I walked into class and told sensei that I had recently been having some pain and some breathing problems from the asthma and that I still wanted to take it slow. He said that it was going to be an intense class, and he was right.
For the first time since I joined the school, he pulled out the x-rays for me to do kicking drills. He handed me 2 and I spent an hour and a half kicking the crap out of them. At the end of the class, when I looked at one of them, I realized that it was my x-ray. Clear as day, it was my lower spine.
I have been having a rough time with limitations lately. I have been feeling anger and resentment over the asthma and myofacial pain lately. Both have been slowing me down and because of my aversion to showing weakness, I don’t talk about it. Tonight’s class really helped with my internalized struggles. It was cathartic in a way that I never expected it to be. As I spent the evening kicking the x-ray of my back, I spent the evening kicking the notion that this condition has to hold me back. In essence, I was saying in a fight between me and this medical condition, I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS CONDITION WIN. This was true empowerment.
January 16, 2008
thanks for looking.
19
what is cool about this layout is that the black is x-ray. actual x-ray.
Tonight at karate we were kicking old x-rays… literally. We each had a partner who held up the x-ray for you to use as your target. It makes the craziest popping sound! And kicking that x-ray, for the first time in a long time.... I HAD A MOMENT!
I have myofacial pain disorder. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that it’s similar to fibromyalgia because it’s a chronic and constant pain in the muscles, but unlike fibromyalgia it most likely results after a physical trauma. At least that’s what the doctors told me. I had always had pain growing up but I was told that it was growing pains and that it was normal. We never pinpointed when or what injury caused the pain when I was little, but it was all exacerbated in 2001 when I was assaulted by a client that I cared for at the group home.
What people don’t realize is that myofacial pain (like fibromyalgia) is a legitimate pain. The person who is suffering from it is NOT a hypochondriac. I have pain 24 hours a day and 99% of the time, I just deal with it. I don’t take medication for it anymore because the muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories stopped working and I refuse to take medications that have the potential for addiction. I don’t complain about the pain, and for the most part I don’t let it stop me from everyday life. I don’t talk about it a lot because in my opinion, it’s just another weakness.... and I hate it when people see me as weak.
I have bad flare ups every few years. Strangely, the myofacial pain disorder slows me down immensely and limits what I can do in terms of athletics, but because of the nature of lactic acid build up and the way that lactic acid exacerbates the myofacial pain disorder, it’s a catch 22. When my pain is too serious that I can’t work out, I stay home and relax... thus forcing lactic acid to gather in my muscles... then the lactic acid causes increased pain when working out so I stay home..... And thus begins a vicious cycle.
My last big flare up was right after I moved to Florida and I ended my law enforcement career. At that point I had just finished an intensive 16 week physical training and when I left my job, I let my body go. It didn’t help that I have asthma and around that same time I got pneumonia which clearly created a recipe for disaster. Like any other myofacial pain flare up, I went to physical therapy and did drug therapy, eventually settling back to my normal range of pain. Historically, the time I have always been in the least amount of pain was when I was involved in martial arts. Knowing this, against the advice of the physical therapists but with the support of my personal doctor, I joined karate to have a stable & supportive work out environment. About a year ago, knowing that sometimes people use x-rays as targets as kicking drills, I gave all of my old x-rays to the dojo and I never thought about them again.
So we flash forward to tonight when I walked into class and told sensei that I had recently been having some pain and some breathing problems from the asthma and that I still wanted to take it slow. He said that it was going to be an intense class, and he was right.
For the first time since I joined the school, he pulled out the x-rays for me to do kicking drills. He handed me 2 and I spent an hour and a half kicking the crap out of them. At the end of the class, when I looked at one of them, I realized that it was my x-ray. Clear as day, it was my lower spine.
I have been having a rough time with limitations lately. I have been feeling anger and resentment over the asthma and myofacial pain lately. Both have been slowing me down and because of my aversion to showing weakness, I don’t talk about it. Tonight’s class really helped with my internalized struggles. It was cathartic in a way that I never expected it to be. As I spent the evening kicking the x-ray of my back, I spent the evening kicking the notion that this condition has to hold me back. In essence, I was saying in a fight between me and this medical condition, I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS CONDITION WIN. This was true empowerment.
January 16, 2008
thanks for looking.
19