Last to do this but....
Online journals are little filters that we each see every one else's lives through, the parts others choose to share with us. That said, we all think we are close, but really we seldom know *a lot* about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. ( Read more... )
I think that my ugliness is only worsened by being fat. I have a really bad body image and I actually have to work hard every day to resist the urge to constantly put myself down, or more specifically to not vocalise the insults that I give myself.
I don't know if being thin would help things, I don't know that I would ever be happy with the way I looked. At the same time, I don't know if I can allow myself to find out. I have tried various diets over the years and have stuck to none of them and a big part of me wonders if I do it because somewhere inside me I don't think that I deserve to be thin.
I drive Joe up the wall by constantly asking him if he really finds me attractive and I know that by this stage he is sick of answering the same thing. I actually respect people a hell of a lot less if they say that I am pretty or if they have a crush on me, I wonder what happened to their taste.
Wow - that was longer than I expected, feel free to ignore it.
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I think your fat makes your look totally cute. When you put your hair into braids, your big eyes stick out so much, and combine that with chubby cheeks and pouty lips, and it's just insanely cute.
More like a puppy cute though, which I know, not many girls want to be.
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