fic; the hurt amongst the joy
title; the hurt amongst the joy
rating; pg
word count; 1,680
characters/pairings; gwen, morgana, mentions of others
warnings/spoilers; angst, possible spoilers for s3
disclaimer; I do not own any of the characters, they are property of their respective owners
summary; Gwen's joy at Morgana's return to Camelot is wounded by her cold attitude.
a/n: I love Morgana le Fay to bits and pieces in fact she is my favorite character on the show. But I do feel sad about the impending bitterness b/w the two girls and I couldn't stop this fic from writing itself...
During the course of Morgana's absence, Gwen had visited her chambers frequently. The living quarters had been oddly barren without her presence but it gave Gwen a source of familiar comfort being there. She straightened the pillows and dusted the surfaces anyway. Often she would find Uther or Arthur and once, a tormented looking Merlin standing in the middle of the room or looking out of the window sharing her pain at Morgana's absence.
Uther would incline his head barely a fraction of an inch in acknowledgement when she curtsied and would leave the room in haste but not before Gwen saw the bags under his eyes and the trails of fresh tears on his cheek. Arthur would comfort her with soft words and promises that he'd find Morgana if it was the last thing he did and Merlin-Merlin had just looked at her with his wide eyes filled with grief and pain and Gwen had been surprised at the depth of emotion in the blue orbs.
But despite Arthur's reassurances, the search for Morgana remained unfruitful during the following months. The only news to reach the castle was that of more death and destruction and Gwen's resolve weakened with every day that Morgana wasn't found.
When she was summoned to the throne room one morning, she couldn't figure out for the life of her what the reason for the summoning could be. The King stood behind the throne, his back to Gwen when she entered, ducking her head with a respectful 'my lord'.
Uther turned to face her and the change was evident on his face. 'Word has reached me that the Lady Morgana has been found.' he said.
Gwen failed to contain the wide smile that spread on her face at his words and respectful stance forgotten, she jumped up with a delighted squeal.
Uther smiled at her. 'I should expect preparations for Morgana's arrival to begin immediately. I trust you shall see to that she finds her quarters as welcoming as ever?'
Gwen bowed her head once more, 'Of course, sire.' she said, still grinning.
Uther waved a dismissive hand and Gwen took her leave, heart beating with barely contained excitement.
~
Gwen was waiting at the foot of the castle stairs with Gaius by her side when they arrived; Arthur at the front of the party, Morgana riding saddle with him. Merlin was directly behind him with the rest of the knights following suit.
Gwen rushed forward and held out a hand to Morgana as she dismounted the horse and immediately pulled her into a tight hug the second her feet touched the ground. Morgana was still for a brief moment before she too brought her arms around Gwen in a familiar albeit slightly awkward hug.
She smelled of dirt and sweat and when they pulled away, Gwen saw streaks of dried blood on her face and stray twigs tangled in her dark hair.
But she was here, she was alive and well. That was all that mattered.
Gwen cupped her face and smiled warmly, words suddenly defying her and she was left with no verbal means of expressing her happiness so she settled with pulling Morgana into another joyful hug.
Arthur dismounted his horse behind them and Gwen smiled at him, her expression leaving no doubt of her sentiment;
Thank you.
~
The King's desperation to meet with Morgana was held at bay only by his desire for her to wash and rest herself before anything. After a brief meeting where he made sure with his own eyes that his ward was truly safe, he dismissed her with the hopes of seeing her after she had refreshed herself.
Gwen prepared the bath water while Morgana paced about her old chambers, mindlessly touching her possessions at intervals. Gwen cast glances at her in between emptying buckets of warmed water into the tub, relishing in her silent presence. Gaius had given her a small vial of a relaxing oil mixture he usually prepared for Arthur and Gwen added it to the bath along with a separate vial of flowery incense.
"My lady, your bath is ready." Gwen said, walking out to Morgana who turned and nodded.
Gwen helped her out of her dirt caked clothes and into the tub with gentle fingers. Morgana sighed quietly when the warm water engulfed her bare body. Gwen let her sit for a few minutes while she prepared another bucket of warm water to add. "Is the water to your liking?" she asked.
"Yes, thank you." Morgana replied.
Gwen took the utmost care while washing her hair, gently massaging soap into her scalp and then while she sponged her body. There were no signs of physical injury beneath the layers of dust, no source for the dried blood. It was surprising, but reliving to see.
"I hope the bandits were not too harsh," Gwen said, washing out the soap from Morgana's hair.
"They could have been much worse," Morgana agreed, leaning into Gwen's touch.
It was so painfully familiar, all of it-mapping Morgana's body with her hands; knowing every curve, every gentle brush of hair...Gwen could not stop the hot tears from welling up in her eyes at the thought of how much she had missed this.
She draped a towel around her as she stepped out of the bath. "I'll fetch you some clothes," she said with a quick smile, sitting Morgana on the chair in front of the mirror.
She spread perfumed talc on her body before lacing up the corset of her dress, pressing her fingers to the warm skin longer than she should just to feel the solid presence of her; a reminder that this wasn't one of her dreams. This was reality and Morgana was indeed here, with her once again.
"The castle was terribly vacant without you," Gwen said, running a brush through her damp locks. "I came here often, to your chambers...kept it ready for when you returned."
"And you were sure of my return?" Morgana asked, looking at Gwen through the mirror.
Gwen smiled and nodded, "Arthur had given me his word that he'd find you if it was the last thing he did."
Morgana's expression softened. "Arthur always did enjoy being the hero."
"It wasn't just Arthur that was worried. Uther was close to madness. He refused to stop the search parties even after the deaths multiplied day after day."
The softness was now gone from Morgana's expression, replaced by careful indifference. Gwen didn't notice.
"I often found him in your chambers. He tried his best to hide them but I always saw the tears he shed for you. Even Merlin-"
"Merlin?" Morgana interjected suddenly, "Merlin was in my chambers?"
"Just once," Gwen replied, slightly surprised. "He looked absolutely awful. Like he was in physical pain."
"I'm sure." Morgana said, with a hint of bitterness to her tone.
"We all missed you terribly. It's been a troubling year. I almost gave up hope of your return...." Gwen kneeled in front of Morgana's chair and took her hands in her own, smiling up at her. "Almost..." she repeated before bringing her hands to her lips and kissing the knuckles softly, tears finally escaping her eyes and trickling down her cheeks.
Morgana remained silent, her eyes far away even when they looked down at Gwen.
~
The banquet that night ended early for the King demanded his ward be given time to rest properly. Gwen ensured that a platter of bread and cheese and some milk were brought up to Morgana's chambers in the case that she felt hungry during the course of the night.
Morgana was removing her jewellery when Gwen entered with some extra blankets. She moved forward to help, carefully placing the necklace in the satin lined case. Her hand brushed against the silver bracelet that had been Morgause's gift, while she was closing the case, causing it to fall to the floor with a clatter.
"Be careful with that!" Morgana said sharply, batting away Gwen's hand and bending to retrieve it herself. She cradled the bracelet in her hand, turning it over as if to inspect the damage that had been done.
Gwen flushed with embarrassment and slightly wounded by the tone of Morgana's voice, "I apologize," she said quietly.
Morgana stood up and headed over to the bed, settling between the covers without another word.
"I could stay the night if you wanted," Gwen offered, standing at the foot of her bed.
"Thank you, but I won't require your presence." Morgana said in a genuinely polite tone.
"Morgana, it's natural for you to expect a troubling night after the events of these-"
"I'll sleep fine, Gwen." she said, more pointedly. Gwen was slightly taken aback. "That will be all," Morgana said and Gwen recognized her dismissal.
Gwen stood silently for a few seconds before dipping into a quick curtsey, blowing out the candle and exiting the chambers.
She couldn't help but feel a sting of burning hurt amongst the joy in her heart.
rating; pg
word count; 1,680
characters/pairings; gwen, morgana, mentions of others
warnings/spoilers; angst, possible spoilers for s3
disclaimer; I do not own any of the characters, they are property of their respective owners
summary; Gwen's joy at Morgana's return to Camelot is wounded by her cold attitude.
a/n: I love Morgana le Fay to bits and pieces in fact she is my favorite character on the show. But I do feel sad about the impending bitterness b/w the two girls and I couldn't stop this fic from writing itself...
During the course of Morgana's absence, Gwen had visited her chambers frequently. The living quarters had been oddly barren without her presence but it gave Gwen a source of familiar comfort being there. She straightened the pillows and dusted the surfaces anyway. Often she would find Uther or Arthur and once, a tormented looking Merlin standing in the middle of the room or looking out of the window sharing her pain at Morgana's absence.
Uther would incline his head barely a fraction of an inch in acknowledgement when she curtsied and would leave the room in haste but not before Gwen saw the bags under his eyes and the trails of fresh tears on his cheek. Arthur would comfort her with soft words and promises that he'd find Morgana if it was the last thing he did and Merlin-Merlin had just looked at her with his wide eyes filled with grief and pain and Gwen had been surprised at the depth of emotion in the blue orbs.
But despite Arthur's reassurances, the search for Morgana remained unfruitful during the following months. The only news to reach the castle was that of more death and destruction and Gwen's resolve weakened with every day that Morgana wasn't found.
When she was summoned to the throne room one morning, she couldn't figure out for the life of her what the reason for the summoning could be. The King stood behind the throne, his back to Gwen when she entered, ducking her head with a respectful 'my lord'.
Uther turned to face her and the change was evident on his face. 'Word has reached me that the Lady Morgana has been found.' he said.
Gwen failed to contain the wide smile that spread on her face at his words and respectful stance forgotten, she jumped up with a delighted squeal.
Uther smiled at her. 'I should expect preparations for Morgana's arrival to begin immediately. I trust you shall see to that she finds her quarters as welcoming as ever?'
Gwen bowed her head once more, 'Of course, sire.' she said, still grinning.
Uther waved a dismissive hand and Gwen took her leave, heart beating with barely contained excitement.
~
Gwen was waiting at the foot of the castle stairs with Gaius by her side when they arrived; Arthur at the front of the party, Morgana riding saddle with him. Merlin was directly behind him with the rest of the knights following suit.
Gwen rushed forward and held out a hand to Morgana as she dismounted the horse and immediately pulled her into a tight hug the second her feet touched the ground. Morgana was still for a brief moment before she too brought her arms around Gwen in a familiar albeit slightly awkward hug.
She smelled of dirt and sweat and when they pulled away, Gwen saw streaks of dried blood on her face and stray twigs tangled in her dark hair.
But she was here, she was alive and well. That was all that mattered.
Gwen cupped her face and smiled warmly, words suddenly defying her and she was left with no verbal means of expressing her happiness so she settled with pulling Morgana into another joyful hug.
Arthur dismounted his horse behind them and Gwen smiled at him, her expression leaving no doubt of her sentiment;
Thank you.
~
The King's desperation to meet with Morgana was held at bay only by his desire for her to wash and rest herself before anything. After a brief meeting where he made sure with his own eyes that his ward was truly safe, he dismissed her with the hopes of seeing her after she had refreshed herself.
Gwen prepared the bath water while Morgana paced about her old chambers, mindlessly touching her possessions at intervals. Gwen cast glances at her in between emptying buckets of warmed water into the tub, relishing in her silent presence. Gaius had given her a small vial of a relaxing oil mixture he usually prepared for Arthur and Gwen added it to the bath along with a separate vial of flowery incense.
"My lady, your bath is ready." Gwen said, walking out to Morgana who turned and nodded.
Gwen helped her out of her dirt caked clothes and into the tub with gentle fingers. Morgana sighed quietly when the warm water engulfed her bare body. Gwen let her sit for a few minutes while she prepared another bucket of warm water to add. "Is the water to your liking?" she asked.
"Yes, thank you." Morgana replied.
Gwen took the utmost care while washing her hair, gently massaging soap into her scalp and then while she sponged her body. There were no signs of physical injury beneath the layers of dust, no source for the dried blood. It was surprising, but reliving to see.
"I hope the bandits were not too harsh," Gwen said, washing out the soap from Morgana's hair.
"They could have been much worse," Morgana agreed, leaning into Gwen's touch.
It was so painfully familiar, all of it-mapping Morgana's body with her hands; knowing every curve, every gentle brush of hair...Gwen could not stop the hot tears from welling up in her eyes at the thought of how much she had missed this.
She draped a towel around her as she stepped out of the bath. "I'll fetch you some clothes," she said with a quick smile, sitting Morgana on the chair in front of the mirror.
She spread perfumed talc on her body before lacing up the corset of her dress, pressing her fingers to the warm skin longer than she should just to feel the solid presence of her; a reminder that this wasn't one of her dreams. This was reality and Morgana was indeed here, with her once again.
"The castle was terribly vacant without you," Gwen said, running a brush through her damp locks. "I came here often, to your chambers...kept it ready for when you returned."
"And you were sure of my return?" Morgana asked, looking at Gwen through the mirror.
Gwen smiled and nodded, "Arthur had given me his word that he'd find you if it was the last thing he did."
Morgana's expression softened. "Arthur always did enjoy being the hero."
"It wasn't just Arthur that was worried. Uther was close to madness. He refused to stop the search parties even after the deaths multiplied day after day."
The softness was now gone from Morgana's expression, replaced by careful indifference. Gwen didn't notice.
"I often found him in your chambers. He tried his best to hide them but I always saw the tears he shed for you. Even Merlin-"
"Merlin?" Morgana interjected suddenly, "Merlin was in my chambers?"
"Just once," Gwen replied, slightly surprised. "He looked absolutely awful. Like he was in physical pain."
"I'm sure." Morgana said, with a hint of bitterness to her tone.
"We all missed you terribly. It's been a troubling year. I almost gave up hope of your return...." Gwen kneeled in front of Morgana's chair and took her hands in her own, smiling up at her. "Almost..." she repeated before bringing her hands to her lips and kissing the knuckles softly, tears finally escaping her eyes and trickling down her cheeks.
Morgana remained silent, her eyes far away even when they looked down at Gwen.
~
The banquet that night ended early for the King demanded his ward be given time to rest properly. Gwen ensured that a platter of bread and cheese and some milk were brought up to Morgana's chambers in the case that she felt hungry during the course of the night.
Morgana was removing her jewellery when Gwen entered with some extra blankets. She moved forward to help, carefully placing the necklace in the satin lined case. Her hand brushed against the silver bracelet that had been Morgause's gift, while she was closing the case, causing it to fall to the floor with a clatter.
"Be careful with that!" Morgana said sharply, batting away Gwen's hand and bending to retrieve it herself. She cradled the bracelet in her hand, turning it over as if to inspect the damage that had been done.
Gwen flushed with embarrassment and slightly wounded by the tone of Morgana's voice, "I apologize," she said quietly.
Morgana stood up and headed over to the bed, settling between the covers without another word.
"I could stay the night if you wanted," Gwen offered, standing at the foot of her bed.
"Thank you, but I won't require your presence." Morgana said in a genuinely polite tone.
"Morgana, it's natural for you to expect a troubling night after the events of these-"
"I'll sleep fine, Gwen." she said, more pointedly. Gwen was slightly taken aback. "That will be all," Morgana said and Gwen recognized her dismissal.
Gwen stood silently for a few seconds before dipping into a quick curtsey, blowing out the candle and exiting the chambers.
She couldn't help but feel a sting of burning hurt amongst the joy in her heart.