yet again, resiliance.
here's yet again a very good sign. a couple of things. one thing is that i was feeling really bad, my brain had seriously stopped working, and my body wasn't far behind. my emotions weren't so good and i was quite snappy! i think the snappy was frustration over the unpleasant transformation, usually i can keep it in check cause i'm used to feeling like that.
so anyway.. it was all very familiar, what i've had over the past [too many] years. and i was starting to dispair, because i realised exactly how god damned dibilitating the brain side of it is. i couldn't do a THING. not even simple things.. i just could not operate. i didn't want to stay there!
so anyway.. then.. brain fog starts to clear a bit.. and then all of a sudden i realise i've had a pick up, and i am currently dancing around in the kitchen. SO GOOD! can you fucking believe that? i was on the edge of dispair, and in terms of symptoms i was a good way down into the deep well of cfs-doom. but AGAIN, i bounced back. now the bad is as scarce as the good used to be!
i got my brain back, about all of it! i was inventing things. that's one sure sign that my brain is back!
i say "a good way down" the cfs well, and that makes me think about how *deep* that well is. it's very deep, i would say today was at the very most, 50% of how bad i've been. it's usually the brain fog that comes along first, and stays around the most. the physical has tended to fluctuate more. (if it were my way i'd have had it the other way around, not being able to think is BAD). and it makes me think how far i've come. a long way!
now i can do things. i've got the energy and the mind for it. it's so so reassuring that i bounced back yet again. and here's the other thing, i had stopped taking mangosteen for a few days, just a little lapse, and i started taking it again a couple of days ago. it's always hard to say whether something is the cause with cfs cause of its unpredictability, but after a long time of doing such experiments, i must say i am growing more and more convinced about mangosteen being the x factor in my present wellbeing.
more time shall tell!
so anyway.. it was all very familiar, what i've had over the past [too many] years. and i was starting to dispair, because i realised exactly how god damned dibilitating the brain side of it is. i couldn't do a THING. not even simple things.. i just could not operate. i didn't want to stay there!
so anyway.. then.. brain fog starts to clear a bit.. and then all of a sudden i realise i've had a pick up, and i am currently dancing around in the kitchen. SO GOOD! can you fucking believe that? i was on the edge of dispair, and in terms of symptoms i was a good way down into the deep well of cfs-doom. but AGAIN, i bounced back. now the bad is as scarce as the good used to be!
i got my brain back, about all of it! i was inventing things. that's one sure sign that my brain is back!
i say "a good way down" the cfs well, and that makes me think about how *deep* that well is. it's very deep, i would say today was at the very most, 50% of how bad i've been. it's usually the brain fog that comes along first, and stays around the most. the physical has tended to fluctuate more. (if it were my way i'd have had it the other way around, not being able to think is BAD). and it makes me think how far i've come. a long way!
now i can do things. i've got the energy and the mind for it. it's so so reassuring that i bounced back yet again. and here's the other thing, i had stopped taking mangosteen for a few days, just a little lapse, and i started taking it again a couple of days ago. it's always hard to say whether something is the cause with cfs cause of its unpredictability, but after a long time of doing such experiments, i must say i am growing more and more convinced about mangosteen being the x factor in my present wellbeing.
more time shall tell!