(no subject)
five good days is all i get. oh well, it was nice. i must admit i did believe i that was it. i thought i was going to be well from then on. hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaha.
the only problem now is that having experianced that good period when doing even the most mundane things was a pleasure, i'm left with not wanting to do anything at all, since i realise how hard things are, when they could be easy. i don't think i could make myself do anything i didn't want to do now. not sure where things go from here. one thing i'm becoming quite sure of is the only way i can have a good enjoyable life is if i get better. if i don't get better i will have a really bad and miserable life. at this rate i could have this all my life. it's quite a possability i'll never be better again, and never do the many things i want to do. that is a possability.
the thing is i know a person can get their life to where they want it to be... i know that. but the problem is that can take a lot of energy and focus, and i don't have those. everything is painful. i kept saying... this is amazing i'm feeling so good... i thought it could last.
the only problem now is that having experianced that good period when doing even the most mundane things was a pleasure, i'm left with not wanting to do anything at all, since i realise how hard things are, when they could be easy. i don't think i could make myself do anything i didn't want to do now. not sure where things go from here. one thing i'm becoming quite sure of is the only way i can have a good enjoyable life is if i get better. if i don't get better i will have a really bad and miserable life. at this rate i could have this all my life. it's quite a possability i'll never be better again, and never do the many things i want to do. that is a possability.
the thing is i know a person can get their life to where they want it to be... i know that. but the problem is that can take a lot of energy and focus, and i don't have those. everything is painful. i kept saying... this is amazing i'm feeling so good... i thought it could last.