hello
Today I had planned to do a lot, but as always I ended up not doing much. I did learn how to parallel park and 3 point turn today- and get this I learned how to back up in a straight line?@?!!?
Yeah- so I know how to do all that, but I couldn’t help but feel like I should have learned it way faster than I did. I just do terribly when people are telling me what to do as I’m suppose to be doing it. I don't want to say I’m slow, but maybe that’s what it is sometimes. Also I had to do it right after school and I’m a zombie after school.
The guy who was teaching me was pretty cool though, which was probably attributed to the fact that he was Indian. Doing the same thing over and over again got kind of monotonous after a while so I started asking him about his life and his kids. He started singing some songs and then he told me to wake him up when time was done.
Then I came home and my mom felt the need to attack me over everything.Today I was in no mood to defend myself so I just started arguing her side for her
"Janna, why would you do that?? That makes no sense"
Me: " yeah GOD REALLY what the hell that makes no sense- what a stupid idea, I’m SUCH an idiot"
It shut her up in a minute- because there’s no point in arguing when someone else is doing it for you.
I’ve just surrendered to the realities of everything- I’ve been surrendering all week - and it’s taken a lot out of me.
It feels like I can’t escape my own life ever- maybe I’m self -absorbed? I guess we are all are guilty of that sometimes. I can't even watch TV anymore without getting lost in my own thoughts- let alone read a book. I just want to stop thinking about the same things over and over again - I hate thinking about my life and everything it entails. I just want to escape myself - and immerse into something completely unrelated to me. It’s nearly impossible nowadays - but it’s what I need most.
I suppose I’m tired of making excuses and reasons for why things are the way they are. I realized that’s all I do: make excuses for myself - for other people just to keep myself happy- its a grim reality but I just want to face the ugliness of it all and just see things for what the hell they really are.
I can't keep going on like this. I really can’t.
I know I sound like a tortured soul right now- it’s alright.
haha i just got a flashback of brandon and julian rapping NWA in 1st period- haha sometimes i think brandon is the only person who always makes me forget about shit and laugh
Yeah- so I know how to do all that, but I couldn’t help but feel like I should have learned it way faster than I did. I just do terribly when people are telling me what to do as I’m suppose to be doing it. I don't want to say I’m slow, but maybe that’s what it is sometimes. Also I had to do it right after school and I’m a zombie after school.
The guy who was teaching me was pretty cool though, which was probably attributed to the fact that he was Indian. Doing the same thing over and over again got kind of monotonous after a while so I started asking him about his life and his kids. He started singing some songs and then he told me to wake him up when time was done.
Then I came home and my mom felt the need to attack me over everything.Today I was in no mood to defend myself so I just started arguing her side for her
"Janna, why would you do that?? That makes no sense"
Me: " yeah GOD REALLY what the hell that makes no sense- what a stupid idea, I’m SUCH an idiot"
It shut her up in a minute- because there’s no point in arguing when someone else is doing it for you.
I’ve just surrendered to the realities of everything- I’ve been surrendering all week - and it’s taken a lot out of me.
It feels like I can’t escape my own life ever- maybe I’m self -absorbed? I guess we are all are guilty of that sometimes. I can't even watch TV anymore without getting lost in my own thoughts- let alone read a book. I just want to stop thinking about the same things over and over again - I hate thinking about my life and everything it entails. I just want to escape myself - and immerse into something completely unrelated to me. It’s nearly impossible nowadays - but it’s what I need most.
I suppose I’m tired of making excuses and reasons for why things are the way they are. I realized that’s all I do: make excuses for myself - for other people just to keep myself happy- its a grim reality but I just want to face the ugliness of it all and just see things for what the hell they really are.
I can't keep going on like this. I really can’t.
I know I sound like a tortured soul right now- it’s alright.
haha i just got a flashback of brandon and julian rapping NWA in 1st period- haha sometimes i think brandon is the only person who always makes me forget about shit and laugh