Summer '07
I've noticed this summer [and it really sucks] that I have this thing, where I don't want to go to bed.
And when I'm asleep, I don't want to wake up.
It's really quite sad. My sleep patterns are all fucked. I'm getting a lot of sleep, yet I look like I'm not getting any.
Most of the time I'd sleep twelve hours, then every so often I'd only get 4 hours of sleep.
Now four days a week I'm getting roughly eight, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of bed.
Now I'm here, writing in this journal at 5:50am. Not wanting to go to bed. But I have to, because I have class. [Twelve hours from now]
Yet. I'm only gonna get 6hours of sleep.
Fun.
I'm tired.
But I don't want to go to bed.
Because when I go to bed.
And I'm laying there-- I feel the worst.
Because that's the time where my brain calms down, and starts over thinking itself, with past memories, and things that have been bothering me, and random people/scenes will pop into my mind. And I can't control it.
Then I roll over, and I just want to fall asleep, and never wake up.
I have times like that. -sigh-
I need to write. But I can't think of anything. Nor do I have time, with randomly goofing off, sleeping-- or staying in class for four hours.
Which reminds me. I have class tomorrow. [Today really] And I don't want to go.
I have a speech.
Which I hate speeches.
But I can't help that.
'Cause it's required. And it should be over in about four more weeks.
It doesn't seem like that much in the big picture, but if you look at it differently.
IT'S FOREVER.
-dies-
Fuck.
I'm going to bed now.
.K.A.R.I.