Cronicles of life, pain and death
Doctors may hide it from me, My parents can hide it from me but it is obvious that I won't live as long as my peers. It is quite funny that I am studying in a Science course even when Science was the one who took my life away.\
Looking at myself I can see that I don't have very long to live maybe a Decade of healthy life left two Decades till I kick the bucket. And that is me being optimistic.
There are many reasons why, my life is shortened and why I age twice even three times my peers. I would like to blame it mostly on Medical Science. I grew up with a weak genetic disposition, asthma at birth and this isn't your average asthma. To cut the long story short, Medical Science made things far more complicated, making 1/3 of my left or right lung useless, my skin not capable of producing oil and being allergic to its own sweat and host of other things.
They say that it isn't the sickness that kills you but the medicine they give you. I have taken Kilograms of anti-histamine, boxes of sleeping pills, maybe a swimming pool of ventolin and enough steriods kill a rat. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that what I am taking is too much, too strong. But really my monthly medical bill is like 10,000 pesos and that is without consultations and special treatments that could add up to almost half a million each year. The funny thing is that, they don't work.
It is kinda funny knowing that your time is almost up. It makes everything meaningless and at the same time meaningful. Every sight, every word, every gesture is like a world of its own. All the joys and pains are multiplied. And at the same time all tasks are meaningless, I always find myself waking up asking the question of "what is the point?". It is a hard question to answer every single day.
Being drugged makes the mix more interesting. Taking anti-histamines everyday makes me feel like detached from the world. Jokes have no meaning, my smiles show no emotion, my face shows no emotion, i virtually have no emotion, I am like a Zombie. And I think my friends start to despise my Zombieness, and the feeling that I am there but not there, my blandness.
There are so much to talk about yet there is no point. As I watch life go on, I guess without me life will go on. My Dreams will remain a dream but looking at life, it is so beautiful. So many miracles that even I can get overwhelmed with while sitting and looking.
Now there is nothing left but to thank everyone for hurting me, living for themselves and knowing i exists. I am like a shadow, and will always be a shadow, I am there but not there. All I can do is help others, to make their lives easier, and complete than mine.
commmanderjaygold.multiply.com
Looking at myself I can see that I don't have very long to live maybe a Decade of healthy life left two Decades till I kick the bucket. And that is me being optimistic.
There are many reasons why, my life is shortened and why I age twice even three times my peers. I would like to blame it mostly on Medical Science. I grew up with a weak genetic disposition, asthma at birth and this isn't your average asthma. To cut the long story short, Medical Science made things far more complicated, making 1/3 of my left or right lung useless, my skin not capable of producing oil and being allergic to its own sweat and host of other things.
They say that it isn't the sickness that kills you but the medicine they give you. I have taken Kilograms of anti-histamine, boxes of sleeping pills, maybe a swimming pool of ventolin and enough steriods kill a rat. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that what I am taking is too much, too strong. But really my monthly medical bill is like 10,000 pesos and that is without consultations and special treatments that could add up to almost half a million each year. The funny thing is that, they don't work.
It is kinda funny knowing that your time is almost up. It makes everything meaningless and at the same time meaningful. Every sight, every word, every gesture is like a world of its own. All the joys and pains are multiplied. And at the same time all tasks are meaningless, I always find myself waking up asking the question of "what is the point?". It is a hard question to answer every single day.
Being drugged makes the mix more interesting. Taking anti-histamines everyday makes me feel like detached from the world. Jokes have no meaning, my smiles show no emotion, my face shows no emotion, i virtually have no emotion, I am like a Zombie. And I think my friends start to despise my Zombieness, and the feeling that I am there but not there, my blandness.
There are so much to talk about yet there is no point. As I watch life go on, I guess without me life will go on. My Dreams will remain a dream but looking at life, it is so beautiful. So many miracles that even I can get overwhelmed with while sitting and looking.
Now there is nothing left but to thank everyone for hurting me, living for themselves and knowing i exists. I am like a shadow, and will always be a shadow, I am there but not there. All I can do is help others, to make their lives easier, and complete than mine.
commmanderjaygold.multiply.com