(no subject)
I want to start off by saying I'm petrified of the future. If you know me well enough you'll learn that I enjoy being in control, and while I love life, I don't care too much for the whole not knowing whats going to happen. I feel like a bum, because I haven't taken the ACT yet and thats coming up in like a week or so. This could decide if I get into the two really good colleges I like, or if I go to Austin Peay, Major in English, Minor in teaching and be a teacher for the rest of my days.
I make it sound horrible, but that just isn't me, and now? I wish I'd done more to keep that from happening. I'm not stupid (despite the fact that I try to convince other people of this), but I just put things off. This isn't good and its part of the reason I never update Livejournal.
I've also come to accept that I am who I am. I like me. I went through a period of time where I had to dress a certain way, had to talk and act to fit a role (and let me tell you, thats the best way to learn how to act.) and I don't any more. I can be comfortable in jeans and in a skirt. I am Kellie hear me roar.
I think, however, that I shouldn't be so rough on me. I shouldn't let my mother dictate who I am, who I'll become, or my friends for that matter. I'm still learning, and one of the things I need to work on is not worrying about the outcome, to know that if I make a mistake, thats ok. I'm far from perfect and I need to accept that.
I need to stop holding things in. Letting them build until I just can't take it anymore and have one of those break down things. They can't be good for me and I'm probably just stressing away my life. Also? I should stop only writing about the happy things in here and locking away the others behind a private lock.
All and All? I still need work, but at the moment, I'm fairly happy.
I make it sound horrible, but that just isn't me, and now? I wish I'd done more to keep that from happening. I'm not stupid (despite the fact that I try to convince other people of this), but I just put things off. This isn't good and its part of the reason I never update Livejournal.
I've also come to accept that I am who I am. I like me. I went through a period of time where I had to dress a certain way, had to talk and act to fit a role (and let me tell you, thats the best way to learn how to act.) and I don't any more. I can be comfortable in jeans and in a skirt. I am Kellie hear me roar.
I think, however, that I shouldn't be so rough on me. I shouldn't let my mother dictate who I am, who I'll become, or my friends for that matter. I'm still learning, and one of the things I need to work on is not worrying about the outcome, to know that if I make a mistake, thats ok. I'm far from perfect and I need to accept that.
I need to stop holding things in. Letting them build until I just can't take it anymore and have one of those break down things. They can't be good for me and I'm probably just stressing away my life. Also? I should stop only writing about the happy things in here and locking away the others behind a private lock.
All and All? I still need work, but at the moment, I'm fairly happy.