cool
every time i leave my house and come home i have a panic attack.
how my mom manages to sleep at night when her last contact with her child is telling me not to freak out. always trying to get me to stop being insane. not in those words, but she has to hold me and make me breathe otherwise i wind up hyperventilating. it's just a lot more pressure than she needs.
i wish i could stop for her.
this is more for me than for ...reading material.
baby steps.
my neighbor is excellent company.
this is all i wanted to say:
tonight nate and i got drunk, and somehow on the ride home i noticed something in his mood shifted. i asked him what the matter was and thought it might be me somehow. i really wanted to know what seemed to come out of nowhere and shit all over his mood. apparently, it's the same thing for him that comes and shits all over my moods. life is obviously a fucking.. duck on some kind of flowered float with a crown. and a cigarette.
(?)
then he called me while i was bawling and shaking to my mom.. i could tell he really really needed to talk.
all it did was fill me with guilt because i was freaking out too much to do anything. makes me feel selfish, but logically how can anyone offer emotional support in the middle of an episode? i don't feel bad because i know i would have helped him if i could.
i don't know.
who cares.
me.
how my mom manages to sleep at night when her last contact with her child is telling me not to freak out. always trying to get me to stop being insane. not in those words, but she has to hold me and make me breathe otherwise i wind up hyperventilating. it's just a lot more pressure than she needs.
i wish i could stop for her.
this is more for me than for ...reading material.
baby steps.
my neighbor is excellent company.
this is all i wanted to say:
tonight nate and i got drunk, and somehow on the ride home i noticed something in his mood shifted. i asked him what the matter was and thought it might be me somehow. i really wanted to know what seemed to come out of nowhere and shit all over his mood. apparently, it's the same thing for him that comes and shits all over my moods. life is obviously a fucking.. duck on some kind of flowered float with a crown. and a cigarette.
(?)
then he called me while i was bawling and shaking to my mom.. i could tell he really really needed to talk.
all it did was fill me with guilt because i was freaking out too much to do anything. makes me feel selfish, but logically how can anyone offer emotional support in the middle of an episode? i don't feel bad because i know i would have helped him if i could.
i don't know.
who cares.
me.