Dropping out.
Yep. I'm a drop out. From the Big Bang. I feel horrible about it, yet I don't have the time to write what and how I need to for this. There's literally no way it will happen at this point. RL keeps throwing me more and more challenges, and something has to give. :(
Enter self-flagellation, stage left.
It's a family of origin thing. I know that it's unnecessary and pointless because I'll never be satisfied. They taught me that. Made sure that guilt and shame were internalized. Educating me that if you are not successful, it's a black and white world, and therefore I am a failure who must be punished.
Okay, enough of that. Remembering that I am a human being. That means I am fallible, and fallibility is not equal to being a loser. Pushing it out of my mind and moving on. Lots to do, lots to move on to.
*Forces the self-flagellation out, stage right, muttering about family of origin.*
Back to real life again. Must pay the bills today, do a bit of housework and laundry. Mundane is good. Mundane gives my brain and rotator cuff a chance to relax. Aah...
Enter self-flagellation, stage left.
It's a family of origin thing. I know that it's unnecessary and pointless because I'll never be satisfied. They taught me that. Made sure that guilt and shame were internalized. Educating me that if you are not successful, it's a black and white world, and therefore I am a failure who must be punished.
Okay, enough of that. Remembering that I am a human being. That means I am fallible, and fallibility is not equal to being a loser. Pushing it out of my mind and moving on. Lots to do, lots to move on to.
*Forces the self-flagellation out, stage right, muttering about family of origin.*
Back to real life again. Must pay the bills today, do a bit of housework and laundry. Mundane is good. Mundane gives my brain and rotator cuff a chance to relax. Aah...