anyone there?
I spent six days, all told, in Santa Cruz last week. I spent four of those with good friends from days gone by, the most mentionable being Kayla and Amy. Even if Kayla doesn't realize it just now, shes got life so good right now its disgusting. I love her lifestyle, from her musical ways to her hippie ways of finding ways of having fun doing absolutely nothing, and theres something to learn from her even if that life isn't for me just now.
And as there always seems to be with me, there was a girl. A really quirky girl, even great girl. Despite my better sense of what would work and what wouldn't, a girl whom I will more likely than not be going on at least one relatively long, really far away trip with in the near future. Something so unexpected, yet so warned against, gets the blood flowing. I don't know how much to expect from her, and know I shouldn't put too much of myself into it, but I guess I'm just not that smart.
These things definitely ring true, but I can't help but see everything I do right now as temporary. Because of my aspirations with the Army, knowing that any success in my Special Forces endeavor will mean a chance of leaving everything thats good right now behind, its hard to truly commit to anything good in my life. But I have this desire that I'm sure everyone gets every once in a great while to be the best at something, to overachieve. For some people its knowing everything there is to know about the indie scene (Kayla), and others its something as innocent as truly trying to find themselves (Zak). For me, for whatever reason, its wanting to have that green beret sitting in my closet some years from now. To have those memories of being with the best day in and day out, the best at what they do that this world can find today.
I have tomorrow to look forward to. I'll read any of the responses, positive and negative, everyone leaves for me about this, and I've got a long run to take tomorrow where I won't think about anything but my burning lungs and my aching legs and I'll get back and feel that I've really accomplished something. But tonight, theres just me sitting in the dark with a nightcap, wondering what this strange exciting future might hold for me. I can't help but wonder who will read this and what they might say, between those that have known my plans and those that this is a surprise to. But I've only got one life, and nobody seems to be able to tell me just how long its going to last, so I might as well take my chances as they're offered.
*Edit* God, I'm overdramatic.
And as there always seems to be with me, there was a girl. A really quirky girl, even great girl. Despite my better sense of what would work and what wouldn't, a girl whom I will more likely than not be going on at least one relatively long, really far away trip with in the near future. Something so unexpected, yet so warned against, gets the blood flowing. I don't know how much to expect from her, and know I shouldn't put too much of myself into it, but I guess I'm just not that smart.
These things definitely ring true, but I can't help but see everything I do right now as temporary. Because of my aspirations with the Army, knowing that any success in my Special Forces endeavor will mean a chance of leaving everything thats good right now behind, its hard to truly commit to anything good in my life. But I have this desire that I'm sure everyone gets every once in a great while to be the best at something, to overachieve. For some people its knowing everything there is to know about the indie scene (Kayla), and others its something as innocent as truly trying to find themselves (Zak). For me, for whatever reason, its wanting to have that green beret sitting in my closet some years from now. To have those memories of being with the best day in and day out, the best at what they do that this world can find today.
I have tomorrow to look forward to. I'll read any of the responses, positive and negative, everyone leaves for me about this, and I've got a long run to take tomorrow where I won't think about anything but my burning lungs and my aching legs and I'll get back and feel that I've really accomplished something. But tonight, theres just me sitting in the dark with a nightcap, wondering what this strange exciting future might hold for me. I can't help but wonder who will read this and what they might say, between those that have known my plans and those that this is a surprise to. But I've only got one life, and nobody seems to be able to tell me just how long its going to last, so I might as well take my chances as they're offered.
*Edit* God, I'm overdramatic.