(no subject)

Mar 21, 2005 00:44

fucking lj. its too easy of an outlet, too easy to write what i'm feeling even when i'm not so sure i want the world at large to read what i'm writing. but i'm still compelled to write out all the bullsthit i'm going through, knowing full well the repurcussions it might have.

jess and i are on a break. two weeks. the relationship has degraded to a point where its not really a relationship anymore. it had the trappings, we held hands, we kissed, but there wasn't really anything else there. we're great at being friends, but the relationship itself just sucked.

i know the reasons i brought this upon myself. i know i'm tired of being ditched, tired of putting everything i have into this and getting nothing in return. i know in the long run this is whats best, give the girl a chance to figure out if being with someone is even what she wants right now and ultimately give myself a break from the harshness of feeling unappreciated and somewhat unwanted. but still, on day one, i feel like breaking down. i love who she is, in spite of the relationship, and the thought of never being able to kiss her or hold her is driving me crazy.

was the break the right choice? yes. does it make me a ridiculously impulsive guy anyway? yes. am i secondguessing my deicisions? yes.

quote of the day: "love, she is a motherfucker, no?" -old school
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