(no subject)
Title: What Happened to Billie Joe? [67/?] (Previous parts found here)
Author:
the_wondering_1 / Maria
Pairing: Billie/Mike (Billie/Adrienne)
Rating: PG-13 (mentions self-harm and suicide)
Disclaimer: Own nothin'. Didn't happen. You know the drill.
Note: ahhh, yeah. I'm sorry guys. Life happens sometimes.
I have no idea if you guys would be interested in doing this, but would anyone want to do a drabble exchange for Christmas coming up? I know some other fandoms do it, and I always thought it would be cool for us to do. If any of you are interested, comment on this post and we can start talking about it.
I also have a drabble meme going that will help me having things to write for NaNoWriMo, so please add to it!
Billie ended up eating his lunch tray while he thought about what going home was gone to mean. He didn’t really know what to think of it in a way. He knew he had to, y’know, go home eventually. And he knew that going home meant he was getting better and that was something that he definitely wanted to do. But at the same time Billie was wondering if it would really “be good” like Adrienne said. It made him nervous to think about being around her and the boys all the time again. Swallowing another forkful of food Billie told himself that he’d get used to it, that it would be okay.
Jamie came to get him for his appointment and he glanced at her, smiling when she opened his door. As they walked Billie didn’t try to make conversation; he didn’t really know what to say. “I’ll see you in an hour,” she said when she opened the door for him.
Billie nodded at her and pushed some words out of his mouth before going in to sit down. He picked the clipboard up and filled it out as fast as he could before handing it back to the nurse who was in the room with him. His shrink came in and Billie watched as she sat down.
He watched as she slid open her legal pad and scanned the page he’d written on for her before saying anything. Billie got himself to take a deep breath before he heard her. “Billie? Did you want to start with anything specific today?”
He shrugged, swallowing. “Not really.”
“Okay. What about Adrienne’s visit? How did that go?”
Billie shrugged, swallowing air again. “Okay. She told me about the boys and home and stuff. She said she was proud of me. We, uh. She mentioned me coming home and said it would be nice to have me at home again.” He sighed when he finished.
He saw his shrink glance up at him from her legal pad. “That sounds nice. What are you thinking about going home?”
Billie shrugged and played with the fabric of his t-shirt. “I dunno. It’ll be nice, I guess. I dunno. I’m nervous about it. I….I’m worried it’ll be hard to be around her and the boys all the time. I mean, I dunno. I guess I just think it’ll be hard.”
She nodded and Billie watched as she continued to scribble.
“Billie you can stay here as long as you need to, you know that, right?”
When Billie heard her he glanced back up. “I, yeah. I know. I just want to get better, I guess.”
She nodded. “It just takes time Billie. Don’t try and push yourself too hard, all right?”
Billie thought about what she said for a moment before nodding back. He knew she was right, but he knew there was a point where he had to start pushing himself to get better and to do more than lie around in bed all day.
“Billie?” She waited until he looked back up at her to continue. “Jamie said your band mate called the other day. Did you maybe want to talk about that a little?”
Billie squirmed and took a breath. The truth was he did want to talk about it…he just didn’t really know how to talk about it. He glanced up at her and waited until they made eye contact before nodding.
“Yeah, I guess.”
When he didn’t say anything she prompted him further. “When is he going to visit?”
“Tomorrow morning.” Billie swallowed and thought about how he should have said more to her.
“Are you nervous about seeing him? Excited? Do you miss him?” Billie watched as she moved her pen and he swallowed again.
“I…yeah. I guess I’m nervous. I…I dunno. I know he wants to be friends and I know we should just be friends, but I dunno. I guess it’s just hard for me to talk to him without thinking about what happened. I don’t really want it to be like that but it is. And, yeah. I do miss him. But, I dunno. It’s just hard when, it’s like what happened is there. It…it’s just something that I need to start trying to work past with him, I guess. I dunno.” Billie took a breath when he was done to avoid sighing.
Billie wasn’t really sure what to think about how things were between him and Mike. He wanted to say he knew they could put their friendship back together, but at the same time he had a feeling it was going to be on hold until he got out of here. And even then Billie wasn’t sure he could put it back together. It was going to take time and Billie had a feeling that it wasn’t something that was going to be cured that quickly.
“Do you think you can work past it with him? Do you think Mike will help you in working past it?”
Billie glanced up at her. “I know Mike will help me. I think he wants to get past it too. I mean, I don’t’ think he would have called me unless he wanted to get past it, y’know? And…I dunno. About getting past it in general. I think it’s just going to take time. I don’t really know what to say other than that. It just needs time. We need time, I guess.”
She nodded and Billie watched as she scribbled in her legal pad.
“We’re about out of time for today. If you can I want you to try and write in your notebook, okay? I think talking about telling Adrienne that you cheated on her would be something to explore. And maybe going home. But really, Billie, anything you can write would be good, okay?”
Billie glanced up at her and nodded, taking a breath. “Yeah, okay. I’ll write something.”
She nodded, smiling and in another moment the door clicked open and Jamie appeared.
Billie got up and walked back with Jamie, taking deep breaths the entire time. He was already thinking about how he should write something in his notebook even though it was one of the last things he felt like doing. He swallowed when he got back to his room and mumbled a goodbye to Jamie before flopping on his bed.
Billie sat on his bed and finally convinced himself to at least read a book and only put the TV on for background noise. He read, sometimes flipping ahead in the book when he started to get bored with it until Jamie came in with his dinner tray.
He didn’t eat much dinner; instead he kept glancing and seeing his notebook sitting off to the side on his desk. Somehow, looking at it made him feel anxious.
I think I’m more scared to go home than I let on. I dunno. I didn’t really want to write anything tonight. I just kinda wanna lay in bed and not think about it, really. But I have to. And, well, I mean, it’s not even all about going home. It’s, y’know just in general. I have to think about other stuff too. Like, actually talking to Adrienne and that kind of thing. I don’t know.
I feel really bad about the band. I feel like I’ve let them all down or something. I feel like I’ve let it fall apart or something. I don’t feel like I should have let it happen. I didn’t really mean to. I feel like the guys will all forgive me, but I dunno. I’m scared about that too. I guess maybe I could bring it up with Mike tomorrow. I mean, I haven’t even pulled out my guitar since I got here. I guess I just haven’t had any real interest in it. I feel like I should be writing lyrics or something like that, but I’m not. I just, I dunno. I don’t feel like I have the brain space for it anymore with trying to work through my own stuff. I know it sounds stupid it’s just hard. I hope they all understand, though. I’m sure they probably will, I just, I dunno. I just had this thought like what if the band doesn’t come back together or something. I dunno. I guess it’ll be okay. I kinda just wanna sleep and not think about it and I know that’s not me getting better so, I’m trying, I guess.
I miss Adie. I dunno. I’m scared to go home because of her, too. I’m worried she thinks that, like, if I go home everything will be fine and she won’t understand that it might not be. Like, I dunno. When I was in the hospital before after it happened she just seemed to think that everything was fine and, I dunno. It wasn’t. I…I guess that’s something I should talk about with her, too. That maybe it won’t be too okay when I come home for a while. I feel like she’ll get disappointed if everything isn’t okay.
Billie stopped and swallowed. He hadn’t thought about most of this before. What if it’s not okay when you go home? Then what are you going to do?
Billie swallowed again and thought.
I don’t really know what I ‘ll do if I go home and everything isn’t okay. I guess I’ll work through it. I think it’ll be okay, though. Adrienne and the boys will be there and I dunno. It’s home. Home, at least with Adrienne anyway, has never been bad really. We’ve always worked everything out.
Billie stopped again and closed his eyes. What if you can’t work this out? What if?
Billie closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. If it doesn’t get worked out you’ll work it out. It’ll be okay. It will be okay. It will. He told himself that over and over for a little while. It’ll be okay. You’ll get through it.
He didn’t know if he really believed himself or not, but he liked to think he could get through it. That he would get through it, if it happened.
Swallowing again, Billie closed his notebook and moved to flop back into his bed.
----
That was quite a short one, so I'll try to post again soon! I hope everyone enjoyed and you can feel free to leave any thoughts/comments/etc below :).
Author:
the_wondering_1 / Maria
Pairing: Billie/Mike (Billie/Adrienne)
Rating: PG-13 (mentions self-harm and suicide)
Disclaimer: Own nothin'. Didn't happen. You know the drill.
Note: ahhh, yeah. I'm sorry guys. Life happens sometimes.
I have no idea if you guys would be interested in doing this, but would anyone want to do a drabble exchange for Christmas coming up? I know some other fandoms do it, and I always thought it would be cool for us to do. If any of you are interested, comment on this post and we can start talking about it.
I also have a drabble meme going that will help me having things to write for NaNoWriMo, so please add to it!
Billie ended up eating his lunch tray while he thought about what going home was gone to mean. He didn’t really know what to think of it in a way. He knew he had to, y’know, go home eventually. And he knew that going home meant he was getting better and that was something that he definitely wanted to do. But at the same time Billie was wondering if it would really “be good” like Adrienne said. It made him nervous to think about being around her and the boys all the time again. Swallowing another forkful of food Billie told himself that he’d get used to it, that it would be okay.
Jamie came to get him for his appointment and he glanced at her, smiling when she opened his door. As they walked Billie didn’t try to make conversation; he didn’t really know what to say. “I’ll see you in an hour,” she said when she opened the door for him.
Billie nodded at her and pushed some words out of his mouth before going in to sit down. He picked the clipboard up and filled it out as fast as he could before handing it back to the nurse who was in the room with him. His shrink came in and Billie watched as she sat down.
He watched as she slid open her legal pad and scanned the page he’d written on for her before saying anything. Billie got himself to take a deep breath before he heard her. “Billie? Did you want to start with anything specific today?”
He shrugged, swallowing. “Not really.”
“Okay. What about Adrienne’s visit? How did that go?”
Billie shrugged, swallowing air again. “Okay. She told me about the boys and home and stuff. She said she was proud of me. We, uh. She mentioned me coming home and said it would be nice to have me at home again.” He sighed when he finished.
He saw his shrink glance up at him from her legal pad. “That sounds nice. What are you thinking about going home?”
Billie shrugged and played with the fabric of his t-shirt. “I dunno. It’ll be nice, I guess. I dunno. I’m nervous about it. I….I’m worried it’ll be hard to be around her and the boys all the time. I mean, I dunno. I guess I just think it’ll be hard.”
She nodded and Billie watched as she continued to scribble.
“Billie you can stay here as long as you need to, you know that, right?”
When Billie heard her he glanced back up. “I, yeah. I know. I just want to get better, I guess.”
She nodded. “It just takes time Billie. Don’t try and push yourself too hard, all right?”
Billie thought about what she said for a moment before nodding back. He knew she was right, but he knew there was a point where he had to start pushing himself to get better and to do more than lie around in bed all day.
“Billie?” She waited until he looked back up at her to continue. “Jamie said your band mate called the other day. Did you maybe want to talk about that a little?”
Billie squirmed and took a breath. The truth was he did want to talk about it…he just didn’t really know how to talk about it. He glanced up at her and waited until they made eye contact before nodding.
“Yeah, I guess.”
When he didn’t say anything she prompted him further. “When is he going to visit?”
“Tomorrow morning.” Billie swallowed and thought about how he should have said more to her.
“Are you nervous about seeing him? Excited? Do you miss him?” Billie watched as she moved her pen and he swallowed again.
“I…yeah. I guess I’m nervous. I…I dunno. I know he wants to be friends and I know we should just be friends, but I dunno. I guess it’s just hard for me to talk to him without thinking about what happened. I don’t really want it to be like that but it is. And, yeah. I do miss him. But, I dunno. It’s just hard when, it’s like what happened is there. It…it’s just something that I need to start trying to work past with him, I guess. I dunno.” Billie took a breath when he was done to avoid sighing.
Billie wasn’t really sure what to think about how things were between him and Mike. He wanted to say he knew they could put their friendship back together, but at the same time he had a feeling it was going to be on hold until he got out of here. And even then Billie wasn’t sure he could put it back together. It was going to take time and Billie had a feeling that it wasn’t something that was going to be cured that quickly.
“Do you think you can work past it with him? Do you think Mike will help you in working past it?”
Billie glanced up at her. “I know Mike will help me. I think he wants to get past it too. I mean, I don’t’ think he would have called me unless he wanted to get past it, y’know? And…I dunno. About getting past it in general. I think it’s just going to take time. I don’t really know what to say other than that. It just needs time. We need time, I guess.”
She nodded and Billie watched as she scribbled in her legal pad.
“We’re about out of time for today. If you can I want you to try and write in your notebook, okay? I think talking about telling Adrienne that you cheated on her would be something to explore. And maybe going home. But really, Billie, anything you can write would be good, okay?”
Billie glanced up at her and nodded, taking a breath. “Yeah, okay. I’ll write something.”
She nodded, smiling and in another moment the door clicked open and Jamie appeared.
Billie got up and walked back with Jamie, taking deep breaths the entire time. He was already thinking about how he should write something in his notebook even though it was one of the last things he felt like doing. He swallowed when he got back to his room and mumbled a goodbye to Jamie before flopping on his bed.
Billie sat on his bed and finally convinced himself to at least read a book and only put the TV on for background noise. He read, sometimes flipping ahead in the book when he started to get bored with it until Jamie came in with his dinner tray.
He didn’t eat much dinner; instead he kept glancing and seeing his notebook sitting off to the side on his desk. Somehow, looking at it made him feel anxious.
I think I’m more scared to go home than I let on. I dunno. I didn’t really want to write anything tonight. I just kinda wanna lay in bed and not think about it, really. But I have to. And, well, I mean, it’s not even all about going home. It’s, y’know just in general. I have to think about other stuff too. Like, actually talking to Adrienne and that kind of thing. I don’t know.
I feel really bad about the band. I feel like I’ve let them all down or something. I feel like I’ve let it fall apart or something. I don’t feel like I should have let it happen. I didn’t really mean to. I feel like the guys will all forgive me, but I dunno. I’m scared about that too. I guess maybe I could bring it up with Mike tomorrow. I mean, I haven’t even pulled out my guitar since I got here. I guess I just haven’t had any real interest in it. I feel like I should be writing lyrics or something like that, but I’m not. I just, I dunno. I don’t feel like I have the brain space for it anymore with trying to work through my own stuff. I know it sounds stupid it’s just hard. I hope they all understand, though. I’m sure they probably will, I just, I dunno. I just had this thought like what if the band doesn’t come back together or something. I dunno. I guess it’ll be okay. I kinda just wanna sleep and not think about it and I know that’s not me getting better so, I’m trying, I guess.
I miss Adie. I dunno. I’m scared to go home because of her, too. I’m worried she thinks that, like, if I go home everything will be fine and she won’t understand that it might not be. Like, I dunno. When I was in the hospital before after it happened she just seemed to think that everything was fine and, I dunno. It wasn’t. I…I guess that’s something I should talk about with her, too. That maybe it won’t be too okay when I come home for a while. I feel like she’ll get disappointed if everything isn’t okay.
Billie stopped and swallowed. He hadn’t thought about most of this before. What if it’s not okay when you go home? Then what are you going to do?
Billie swallowed again and thought.
I don’t really know what I ‘ll do if I go home and everything isn’t okay. I guess I’ll work through it. I think it’ll be okay, though. Adrienne and the boys will be there and I dunno. It’s home. Home, at least with Adrienne anyway, has never been bad really. We’ve always worked everything out.
Billie stopped again and closed his eyes. What if you can’t work this out? What if?
Billie closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. If it doesn’t get worked out you’ll work it out. It’ll be okay. It will be okay. It will. He told himself that over and over for a little while. It’ll be okay. You’ll get through it.
He didn’t know if he really believed himself or not, but he liked to think he could get through it. That he would get through it, if it happened.
Swallowing again, Billie closed his notebook and moved to flop back into his bed.
----
That was quite a short one, so I'll try to post again soon! I hope everyone enjoyed and you can feel free to leave any thoughts/comments/etc below :).