I have a drinking problem....and not the "Hey I'm 22" kind.....the kind where I want and need alcohol all the time. I'm tired of the way I feel after I've been drinking. I think I was addicted to the way it made me feel. But after drinking till I passed out last night and waking up feeling like shit this morning...it made me think a lot because not only did I feel like shit but I cant remember anything. I blacked out and didnt even know it. Another thing is I know the way I act when I'm drunk and I dont like it...and no one else either. I'm just another one of those drunks who everyone points and laughs at. So yeah.
When you keep doing it even though you know it makes feel like shit physically/mentally/emotionally, it's definitely a problem. Blackouts are damn spooky, also-- it's like finding out something wore your skin and did all these weird/stupid/embarassing/dangerous things that you would never have done had you been in full possession of yourself.
Sometimes it helps to remove yourself from the places or people you end up drinking around, but until you take a deep, fearless look inside and figure out what drives you to drink, isolating yourself from people or situations is just a temporary solution..
A small problem with isolating myself is I dont have any friends here except the ones at M-Night. Thats what sucks. I have been to AA meetings before when I was younger b/c I had a problem then. But the question for me is Why Now?? Why After all this time am I going through it AGAIN?!?!
Well, you're always welcome to talk to me. I admit I've been able to tell a difference in you compared to when I first met you, but I just wasn't sure what was doing it. You seldom seem happy and cheerful like you were when I met you. You look depressed, upset, or very pre-occupiued many times when I see you, and I admit I've been concerned about you for quite some time
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Thanx Chris!! You know whats funny though is when I'm not drinking and I'm sober....Mark and I are so happy and everything. It seems like I'm very veryhappy until I start drinking. Then I'm just an empty person. I'm not sure what the cause for my drinking is. I do need to sit down and just think about things I guess. But its so hard when I'm working every day now (it seems).
I guess the main thing to figure out is why, if you feel happy when you're not drinking, why you start drinking if it tends to make you feel empty and unhappy. Is it like needing a cigarette for people who smoke and go too long without one?
Yeah...kinda like that. Like when I need a cigarette, I have fits. When I need alcohol....its kinda the same way.
I did go to my moms tonight and talked to her a little bit about it and we think we figured out why I have come to be such a drunk again....the fact that my past is slowly catching up with me and I dont want it to and the only way for me to forget about it is to just drink it away. I faced a little bit of it tonight when I did talk to my mom and the rest will have to be faced the next time I see my dad.
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Sometimes it helps to remove yourself from the places or people you end up drinking around, but until you take a deep, fearless look inside and figure out what drives you to drink, isolating yourself from people or situations is just a temporary solution..
take care of yourself, hun... *hugs*
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I did go to my moms tonight and talked to her a little bit about it and we think we figured out why I have come to be such a drunk again....the fact that my past is slowly catching up with me and I dont want it to and the only way for me to forget about it is to just drink it away. I faced a little bit of it tonight when I did talk to my mom and the rest will have to be faced the next time I see my dad.
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