I hate you mother. You're only pushing and shoving me farther away every single day.
So before Thanksgiving things were good with me and Derek.
Now I don't know.
I know that he told me that he wasn't mad at me just sad that we didn't get to hang out yesterday and I told him that I would try.
But I just had plans.
Sorry, but I can't stop hanging out with other people just like he shouldn't.
Don't get me wrong I love this boy more than anyone/anything in the WORLD.
I dk.
Maybe now it's my turn to start thinking and stop being stupid and just shut up because this has been a thing lately that me and Derek have both been doing.
Is thinking that the other is mad and or just thinking stupidly and I dk, just it's stupid that we both start thinking shit, and worrying for no reason.
If me and Derek don't hang out this weekend, yeah I'd be a little sad because I love hanging out with him.
But I won't get mad or depressed about it.
I'll just see him come Monday-Friday when we hang out at whomever's house after school.
But I just want this coming Friday to come SOOO bad.
I just want to be able to hang out with him all night at the going away party, just having fun, with all of our friends and laughing adn having a good time being drunk or stoned or whatever.
I need this Friday to come from this weekend.
My mother is killing me slowly, and pushing me farther away from her and she doesn't even know it.
What a fuckin' dumb bitch.
Her goal in life must be to get rid of her original family that she started this life out with.
First her own parents and brother and sisters.
Then my father.
Then my brother.
Next is me.
Then she can be happy, that is what I predict.
I wrote this long poem for her last night, and D of course liked it, I think it sucks.
I wish I had the courage I have to read this one to her like I read one of the many I worte about Derek and actually read it to him.
I still feel embarrased about that, although he said he liked it.
I will post another update shortly after this one with my poem that I wrote about my mother and then you LJ buddies can comment adn tell me what you thought about it, any kind of comments.
I'm open for put downs.
Today I really do want to hang out with Derek though.
I hope I get to just for a little bit.
He is hanging out with other girls, and I'll be honest, I'm jealous. :(
Time to go.
update in a little bit.
peaCe. Keepin' it ReaL.
Toodles, the dumb jealous girl, Carlie.
Now I don't know.
I know that he told me that he wasn't mad at me just sad that we didn't get to hang out yesterday and I told him that I would try.
But I just had plans.
Sorry, but I can't stop hanging out with other people just like he shouldn't.
Don't get me wrong I love this boy more than anyone/anything in the WORLD.
I dk.
Maybe now it's my turn to start thinking and stop being stupid and just shut up because this has been a thing lately that me and Derek have both been doing.
Is thinking that the other is mad and or just thinking stupidly and I dk, just it's stupid that we both start thinking shit, and worrying for no reason.
If me and Derek don't hang out this weekend, yeah I'd be a little sad because I love hanging out with him.
But I won't get mad or depressed about it.
I'll just see him come Monday-Friday when we hang out at whomever's house after school.
But I just want this coming Friday to come SOOO bad.
I just want to be able to hang out with him all night at the going away party, just having fun, with all of our friends and laughing adn having a good time being drunk or stoned or whatever.
I need this Friday to come from this weekend.
My mother is killing me slowly, and pushing me farther away from her and she doesn't even know it.
What a fuckin' dumb bitch.
Her goal in life must be to get rid of her original family that she started this life out with.
First her own parents and brother and sisters.
Then my father.
Then my brother.
Next is me.
Then she can be happy, that is what I predict.
I wrote this long poem for her last night, and D of course liked it, I think it sucks.
I wish I had the courage I have to read this one to her like I read one of the many I worte about Derek and actually read it to him.
I still feel embarrased about that, although he said he liked it.
I will post another update shortly after this one with my poem that I wrote about my mother and then you LJ buddies can comment adn tell me what you thought about it, any kind of comments.
I'm open for put downs.
Today I really do want to hang out with Derek though.
I hope I get to just for a little bit.
He is hanging out with other girls, and I'll be honest, I'm jealous. :(
Time to go.
update in a little bit.
peaCe. Keepin' it ReaL.
Toodles, the dumb jealous girl, Carlie.