and I care why?..its not my life.
im not gonna even start ramblin unless i put it behind a cut
i feel so..i dunno what.. but not happy. I totally hate myself for this.. really baddly. I LOVE viv and so viv dont get that idea because i would never do that to you. We'll be together for ever.. and I mean it.. I love you viv. I love you so much. its not about you really at all viv..tho ur closer to them than most tohers who read my LJ
why is it that this is the only thing that makes me feel so un happy? that any other of my friends can get together and i wont give a care in the world but be happy for them? yet I totally hate this. My best friend Beckie has a girlfriend and I dont really care about that at all. Her girlfriend and me are friends..but i dont care at all if they are dating or anything. But then.. my other best friend had a GF once and I fell apart. I hated her GF I was crying randomly.. and felt so left out. Even tho me n my other best friend GF were friends when they got together it killed me.I hated my Bestfriends GF becuse thay were together. because of my stupid jelously. I hate the fact that im just like that..I have being overly sensitive, and I hate seeing them together..and seeing the signitures and how all they do is talk about eachother makes me so sick inside but it only bothers me when its with her. I hate how i act when they are together. and when they broke up I got really happy. I dunno why.. It seemd it was bad to do..but then now she said she liked her like that again n asked n now its killing me again. my friend said she wouldnt ask her out if it made me uncomfortable but i told her if she wanted to she should. So she asked. She said she was going to get denyed and I was hoping she was..ovely selfish i know..
I really hate myself and want to crawl in a hole and die.
as for another reason.. i feel so..same emotion..because I just feel like my parents dont really care about me like they do my brother. I know im never gonna get acceoted into college like he is. I know im not gonna be as smart as him. i know i cant live up to him. and then again. sometimes i wonder why the hell i'm even on this planet. I have no talent, i have basically no purpose at all..Im an outcast at like everything.. and I can say i cant really think of anyone who'd miss me Thats one reason i really dont like being round family because.. my brotherslike got all this talent..and everyone brags aboout him.being on varsity baseball at a freshmen being state champion..and me? i cant do anything at all..Im not special..Im just gonna stop writing..it doesnt even matter anyways..like anyones gonna actually read this
i feel so..i dunno what.. but not happy. I totally hate myself for this.. really baddly. I LOVE viv and so viv dont get that idea because i would never do that to you. We'll be together for ever.. and I mean it.. I love you viv. I love you so much. its not about you really at all viv..tho ur closer to them than most tohers who read my LJ
why is it that this is the only thing that makes me feel so un happy? that any other of my friends can get together and i wont give a care in the world but be happy for them? yet I totally hate this. My best friend Beckie has a girlfriend and I dont really care about that at all. Her girlfriend and me are friends..but i dont care at all if they are dating or anything. But then.. my other best friend had a GF once and I fell apart. I hated her GF I was crying randomly.. and felt so left out. Even tho me n my other best friend GF were friends when they got together it killed me.I hated my Bestfriends GF becuse thay were together. because of my stupid jelously. I hate the fact that im just like that..I have being overly sensitive, and I hate seeing them together..and seeing the signitures and how all they do is talk about eachother makes me so sick inside but it only bothers me when its with her. I hate how i act when they are together. and when they broke up I got really happy. I dunno why.. It seemd it was bad to do..but then now she said she liked her like that again n asked n now its killing me again. my friend said she wouldnt ask her out if it made me uncomfortable but i told her if she wanted to she should. So she asked. She said she was going to get denyed and I was hoping she was..ovely selfish i know..
I really hate myself and want to crawl in a hole and die.
as for another reason.. i feel so..same emotion..because I just feel like my parents dont really care about me like they do my brother. I know im never gonna get acceoted into college like he is. I know im not gonna be as smart as him. i know i cant live up to him. and then again. sometimes i wonder why the hell i'm even on this planet. I have no talent, i have basically no purpose at all..Im an outcast at like everything.. and I can say i cant really think of anyone who'd miss me Thats one reason i really dont like being round family because.. my brotherslike got all this talent..and everyone brags aboout him.being on varsity baseball at a freshmen being state champion..and me? i cant do anything at all..Im not special..Im just gonna stop writing..it doesnt even matter anyways..like anyones gonna actually read this