RP with itwontstopme | Time to talk

[comeswithcuffs]

[Follows a few days after THIS]It had been a tough few days in Austin for Taylor, to say the least. She didn't think her or Jason intended for them to just end up in bed together as soon as they reunited, but it had happened, and she wasn't sorry for it. It was the first time in months she felt alive and connected again. That just wasn't something

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[comeswithcuffs]

Taylor took her time making the tea. The last thing she wanted was for Jason to feel he had to rush, even if her own stomach was flip-flopping in anticipation. Her mind was racing as she arranged everything neatly on the tray, deciding on real tea in a teapot instead of teabags. She knew he liked it strong, just like she did, but as she was waiting for the kettle to boil, she leaned forward on the counter, exhaling slowly. She had wishes for the clean slate deal herself, but it was impossible. She had suffered too much grief losing their baby and making herself lose Jason in the process. She had wanted so badly to marry him and have a family with him. After having a crush on him since she was eleven, it was like everything was falling into place when he proposed to her. Then it was all gone. Seeing him here in Austin, she just wanted to crawl into bed with him and curl up beside him forever. She just wished she had felt like that in the wake of the accident. It would have saved them both a lot of heartache.

She was just setting the tea tray down on the dresser in the bedroom when Jason came back. She turned around and wrapped her arms around herself, drawing her lower lip in between her teeth. "Ya' okay now, QB?" she asked, her eyes sweeping over his face, taking in every inch of it. She still loved him so much it hurt.

[itwontstopme]

Jason nodded slowly and sighed softly as he reached his hand out for her. "Come here, baby," he murmured, hating the way he felt like he couldn't protect her everytime she hugged herself and tried to shield herself from more pain. "I missed you," he told her, his face crumbling just a little with his own pain, unable to not think about the months without her and how it felt to try and accept she was gone and didn't want to come back. He just needed to know if this was a second chance.

[comeswithcuffs]

There was no hesitation. Taylor breached wrapped her hand around his and breached the gap between them. "I missed ya' too, sweetheart. Every single fuckin' day. Every hour. Ain't nothin' diluted it, but I... I..." Her hands linked around the back of his neck and she fought not to start crying. She rested her forehead against his, her eyes falling closed as she drew a shaky breath. "I couldn't live with knowin' I was the one to cause ya' that much pain all over again. I couldn't see ya' face and see that devastation there. I was a fuckin' coward. How'd ya' not hate me? How'd ya' even wanna be anywhere near me after that?"

[itwontstopme]

"Because I love you," was Jason's answer and he pulled her just those few inches closer and started to kiss her, deeply but slowly. It felt right. For the first time in months, he started to feel okay again. Thumb threaded through her long blonde hair when he stroked her face. When the kiss eased off, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, feeling like he never wanted to let go and he allowed some silent tears to come, his head resting against her shoulder.

[comeswithcuffs]

Taylor buried her face in against his shoulder and clung to him, his hands softly rubbing over his back. "I love ya', too. I didn't ever stop and I know there ain't no way to prove that to ya'. I was just... I was devastated and I knew how much ya' wanted our baby t'be a new start and I couldn't protect it. I ain't even sure I can justify any of it now. I just didn't ever wanna hurt ya', and I did. I was still tryin' t' get over everythin' from when I got stabbed and I couldn't think straight. All I could think was... was... ya'd be better off without me," she ended, the words catching in a sob.

[itwontstopme]

Jason really was working to wrap his head around it. All it seemed to have come down to was the shock and the grief fucked with her head and now he felt even more guilty he hadn't gone after her. "Mac... baby..." he began, pulling back do he could see her face and wipe the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "I was devastated about the loss, how could I not be? Our baby died. Our baby, the one that we made together. I just didn't know why you ran away, why you would think we should be apart when that happened, and all I could think of was that maybe you blamed me. Blamed me for getting you pregnant in the first place, and getting you in that position where you had to go through something like losing a baby. I would never have-" He choked up himself and had to take a few moments to regain his composure. When he spoke again, his voice was hoarse and caught, but he kept going.

"I loved you, more than anything. More than anyone. When we started dating, I realised that I was happy, really truly happy for the first time in my whole life. I felt complete, and you didn't have any issues with me being in a wheelchair. Not one. You were my life. The baby was just extra. When I lost you, I felt like I wanted to give up. I didn't want to do any of it anymore. I didn't want to do any of it without you and I just didn't understand why you didn't wanna see me or speak to me, and it hurt, Mac. It fucking hurt."

[comeswithcuffs]

Taylor sunk down to her knees in front of him and wrapped her hands around his. Tears were streaming down her face but she looked up at him, able to see his face better in this position. "Jason... sweetheart..." she began, trying to sniffle back the avalanche of tears, even if it was a pointless effort. "Hurtin' ya' was my biggest fear, and tryin' to prevent that, I just caused it a hundred times over, and I can never be sorry enough for any of it. I-I've loved ya' for years," she said with a small, tearful laugh and wet her lips, tasting the salty aftermath of the tears there.

"And I wanted everythin' ya' wanted t'share with me and t'give t'me. I wanted it all. I still do. I just got so lost. So scared, and I took it all away," she said, scrunching up her face again as she tried to fight off another wave of tears. "It was the biggest mistake of my life, and as each day ticked by I thought ya' would less and less wanna ever see me again. I-I can't make it better, I can't change what happened. But I love ya' so much and I couldn't do it without ya'. Every day I felt like I was dyin'. I-I'll understand if ya' don't wanna be with me again, or can't trust me not t'hurt ya' again, but I... I... ya' my life too. It ain't that I can't function without ya', it's that I don't wanna."

[itwontstopme]

Jason rested his head against hers again, his eyes closed. "Mac, you need..." He trailed off, trying to gather his thoughts into something that he could form into words without coming out in a jumbled mess. His voice was rough, like he wanted to just disappear back into bed and cry without actually going through this. It was vital though, it was time.

"I need you to know this is really want you want because I can't... I can't go through losing you again. I can't go through trying to pick my life back up from scratch anymore. I need to know, that no matter how hard this shit all gets, we're gonna stick together. To get through it together, no more running away and hiding. Because it ain't ever gonna be easy, Mac. It just ain't. You gotta understand that sometimes, I'm just gonna hurt. You're just gonna hurt. Ain't that why we all hook up? To have someone there to catch us when we fall? And when we both fall? We fall together. Because I did the falling alone thing, and it sucks. I just wanna be happy now, or to at leas try."

[comeswithcuffs]

Taylor cupped his cheek with her hand again and brushed her fingers across his jaw. "Jason. Baby, as long as ya' livin' an' breathin', ya' gonna be part of me. I think ya' always have been. From the day I met ya', I thought ya' were a sweetheart. I ain't ever let myself think for a moment that ya' woulda ever wanted me in return. I wanted t'be the one t'make ya' happy, I didn't wanna hurt ya'. But I did, and I'm so sorry. Losin' ya' baby was one of the hardest things I've ever been through 'cause I wanted it so badly. I wanted to be a Momma with ya' to our lil one. But it was taken all away from us," she said, tears streaking down her cheeks as the ache in her heart increased at the thought of the baby they lost.

"An' now it's gone and we ain't ever gonna get that back. But we can get each other back, if we work on it. Try t'find that place we were at before, and I've learnt, QB. I've learnt from my mistakes. Biggest lesson was that in runnin' away from ya', I felt like I wasn't ever gonna smile again. I wanna be with ya', darlin'. I wanna take care of ya'. But we can take each day, because I know ya' been real hurt an' ya' gotta heal. I love ya', Jason Street. I always have. An' I wanna try again. I want ya' to be my man, and one day, I wanna try and have ya' baby all over again. But right now, I just wanna hug ya' an' kiss ya'. I wanna make love to ya' and listen to ya' breathin' when ya' sleepin'. Ain't nothin' else I want." She paused for just a couple of beats and then pressed her lips softly against his.

[itwontstopme]

Jason kissed her back, more hunger behind it this time as he pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her in a needy embrace. The kiss was deep, almost urgent, and neither were willing to break it just yet. She tasted so familiar and she felt so right in his arms. The tears drying on both their cheeks were taken over by other deep emotions.

It was him that broke this kiss, but he kept their faces close. "Me too," he whispered. "I want all that. I want you. I need you, Mac. We gotta try again, but I wanna do it right this time. Come, have dinner with me. I want to take you on a date, spend some time with you without the hurt and fear. I wanna have sex with you to make love, not with us trying to prove to each other we're not gonna hurt each other anymore. Is that okay? Is it okay to wait a lil longer?"

[comeswithcuffs]

Taylor finally broke into a smile, probably the first real one in a long time and her stomach jumped just a little with excitement at going on a date with him. "It's perfect, baby. Like ya' wouldn't believe." She looked over his face and then kissed him softly again. "Are we okay? Are we gonna be okay, QB?" she finally asked quietly, unable to prevent the hint of fear edging her tone.

[itwontstopme]

Jason met her smile with one of his own and then bit down on his lips as he brushed his hand against her arm, nodding. "I think we're gonna try our best to be. I'd like to think we will be, eventually. Maybe not straight away, maybe not every day, but... you're here. You're here and I didn't think you'd ever come back to me. That's all that matters."