musesandlyrics | 4.22. Beck lyrics
4.22. Something always takes the place
Of missing pieces
You can take and put together even though
You know there's something missing
Missing - Beck
Co-written with itwontstopme
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was a freezing day in Austin, but Jason had hardly noticed. In fact, Jason had hardly done anything that day. It was one of those days where you wake up feeling shit and everything around you feels shit too. You don't feel like being spoken to, and by default, just from the vibes you're sending out, everyone automatically just steers clear. He got out of bed for his morning routine in the bathroom, but after that was done, he was disappearing back into the cave of blankets, all the blinds drawn and the lights out. He didn't bother getting dressed, didn't shave, and didn't even feel hungry. Both Sam and Tyra asked him if he was sick, but he just told them both he wanted to be left alone. They got it. He never had to ask twice when he was in a funk like this, and he appreciated it. He didn't know where Silas was, which suited Jason at that point. He wasn't feeling the least bit sociable that day, even if Tyra's new other half had afforded them all much amusement in the short time he had been in Texas. Everything from supplying extremely good weed to wanting a shot in Jason's chair and ending up mincemeat against the wall complete with a broken arm. Jason had laughed more this past week than he had in months, but now he had come to a crashing halt. Everything felt so compounded today; the fact he was cripple and couldn't walk, that he lost his football career, that he let Tim and Lyla fuck him around, that his job prospects were in the toilet, that he let himself get taken for a ride by Erin, that he let himself get close to Noah, that he lost Mac and their baby, and couldn't be enough to have protected them from getting hurt. All in all, that day, he was just a big half-paralysed ball of misery but at least he was containing it to himself, right?
What he did know was that he was home alone. Tyra at college, Sam on a job interview, and Silas probably out dealing to obscure minority groups because he seemed to have a knack communicating with people no matter what. Jason was the first to admit he would never have pegged the guy to be fluent in sign language, of all things. At least Tyra showing up in Dillon with her boyfriend had helped Jason realise that there was still a world beyond the walls of that shitty rental house he had holed up in when he lost Mac and felt like his world had crashed down around him for the second time in as many years. But when the doorbell rang, Jason didn't move from under the covers. The forecast on the news the night before said there was a chance of snow. There was absolutely no reason for Jason to make the effort of getting out of bed. He wasn't expecting anyone, so why the fuck should he get the doorbell? No way. He was staying where he was, and if his fingers weren't semi-paralysed, he would probably be flipping off the door by now just for emphasis.
But the bell didn't stop. And it didn't sound like it was going to, and why the fuck was someone choosing today of all days to piss him off like this? He was friggen cripple! Didn't they know how long it actually took for him to get out of bed, into his chair, and then get to the door? The bell stopped briefly, but just when Jason thought the bastard had gone, it started again and he flung the covers off himself roughly with a growl. "What the fuck?" he complained, frowning deeply. He hooked his hand around the arm of his wheelchair and pulled it up beside the bed. Man, he was unfit. Those small actions alone had him a little breathless and there was a twinge of guilt in his gut at how much he let himself go, but it was fleeting and he didn't let himself linger on it because that would mean he had to admit he was doing something wrong when he had become used to his abysmal daily routine of nothingness. It was easy, and he hardly had to think.
He pulled on one of his old and very worn Panthers t-shirts that he mostly just used to sleep in now. Without the covers, it was colder than he thought and if it was Jehovah's Witness or door-to-door salesman being the obnoxious asshole at the door, he didn't think either of them would appreciate if he answered the door half-naked, especially if it was freezing outside. He realised just how tired he was as he made his way up the hall, and really, really couldn't be bothered with this shit. He let out a heavy rush of breath as he unchained the door and wheeled himself back to get it open. This he could never have been prepared for, and when he saw he was standing there he was hit with an overwhelming urge to burst into tears or throw up. If he had been able to stand, he probably would have lost his balance.
It the forecast showed that it might snow in Austin that day, it was going to snow in Austin. Fate just had a way of intervening that way. And it wasn't just a light sprinkling of snow, either. It was heavy and freezing. The doorbell ringing wasn't intended to be obnoxious, just a desperate want to get out of the cold, which was probably more metaphorical than she even realised. Taylor didn't know what she was doing. She had no plan. She didn't know what to say or do, and when Jason answered that door and was suddenly there before her, she had to woozily grab for the railing on the steps before she fell over. She couldn't recognise what the rush of emotions were since they hit her so quickly and heavily. Relief, maybe. Or fear he would tell her to fuck off. Devastated. Horrified to realise that Jason's appearance alone told her Tim had been right in everything he said. She really had broken him.
Her bags were packed, sitting at the bottom of the stairs and being covered in snow. The overwhelming urge to touch him at her stepping forward before she could think. "QB..." she said in a tiny voice with a sob, grabbing his face between her cold hands and leaned over to press her lips to his hair, just holding him. It was reflexive, and it was like she couldn't even stop herself to think that he might not want her to touch or even be there. The decision to let Tim drive her back to Texas after he rocked up in New York to get arrested just so he could speak to her had been shock enough for her as it was. She hadn't had any plans to go back, but he had been right about that too. Dillon was the place she couldn't go back. Hearing Jason wasn't in Dillon and wasn't in a good way had sealed the deal. She had already resigned from her job at the precinct in New York, and hadn't had time to figure out what her first move was. So she just kept not thinking, packing up her most important possessions and getting in Tim's truck for a road trip all the way back to Texas. The trip had taken them days, and even though she was exhausted, she wanted to be brought right to Austin - to Jason - as soon as they crossed he Texas border.
Even now, behind her parked out on the road, Tim was sticking by her to make sure she was okay. They had both been aware there was a chance Jason might not accept her abrupt appearance on his doorstep well. If that was going to happen, Tim would just rescue her again. He told her that, in not so many words. Truthfully, neither really wanted to contemplate how Jason might react because it would be the make or break of everything. Taylor just wanted to see him with her own eyes, to tell him things she had been painfully burning to talk to him about since she left. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't want her here. If he didn't, it would all really be over with and there had been a part of her that didn't want to think about that since she ran from Dillon. It was like if she kept that part nurtured, she would never really had to say goodbye to him, even if they weren't together. She was shivering from the snow she had been stuck in before Jason came to the door. Her hair that she had let grow out since the accident was damp and hanging in thick, messy strands around her face and over her shoulders. "I-" she began, it coming out choked through the tears she couldn't stop falling as she continued to nurse his face in her hands. "I need you," she whispered against his hair, freezing as she waited for his reaction and terrified he was going tell her he never wanted to see her again for what she did to him when she ran away.
Jason was too shocked to react at first. It had been over five months now since he had last saw her, lying in that hospital bed after the surgery resulting from the baby dying in the accident. At first, he really did think he was dreaming. It wouldn't be the first time he had dreamt about her, only every single one of those dreams turned into nightmares, disturbing his sleep to the point he didn't want to try again. That's why the booze seemed like such a good idea. He drank until he passed out, and he didn't have dreams when he was unconscious. Silas' weed was a good alternative, but it seemed to have him waking up feeling like he had been smacked in the head a few times if he mixed it with beer. The morning after, it never seemed like as good idea as it did the night before. But he could smell her familiar scent from her perfume and her favourite shampoo, feel her hands on his cheeks. She looked different, too. She was thinner and her hair was different. Her voice, though. Soft and soothing, even if she was crying. He was scared to react to her in case she disappeared into thin air and because he just wasn't sure how else he should absorb this right now, he just started to cry, putting his hands up to touch her wrists. Had she really come back? Had she, finally, been the one to chase him? He lifted his head, silently looking up into her eyes to search for any answers she couldn't verbalise, and then he kissed her, desperately and urgently like he just needed to feel that she wasn't all part of his grieving imagination once again.
Taylor kissed him back with just as much yearning to know he was real too. She knew she had come to him, but he hadn't pushed her away. Her chest suddenly felt like it was going to burst, like she wouldn't ever possibly be able to get enough of him. Her knee came to rest on his thigh, bracing herself in the force of the kiss as their tongues swept together just like they had never had any time together. His face was wet from a his tears that were now mixing with hers, and she let her hand crawl down his arm, still blindly drawing in pieces of him to map to her mind, reminding herself how he felt, how he tasted, how warm he was despite the snowy winter chill they were caught in on the front step of his new home. But she had to break to kiss. She stopped, wetting her lips and gazing down at him breathlessly, even though her hand was still tucked around his arm and the shaky fingers of her other were stroking through his hair behind his ear in a helpless rhythm as she attempted to show him she wasn't about to run away on him again. But it was going to take so much more than that. It was going to take a miracle to win back his trust. "I-I can stay. I can. But I... if ya' don't... if ya' don't want me to, I won't. I'll go. I'll understand if ya' never want to see me again," she told him tearfully, the thick wet drops slipping down her pale cheeks and dripping onto his lap. "I just... have so much I need to tell ya'. Please. Please, QB... give me another chance, even though I know I don't deserve it," she ended in a whisper through a rush of breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
Jason could feel his heart thumping in his chest, and he still wasn't sure if he wanted to throw up or just from the way his gut had twisted up the minute he had seen her standing there. She was still beautiful, and still his whole world even if she had run away from him. He was just terrified. Putting his hand up, he let the backs of his fingers brush against her wet cheek and then went to sweep some of the snow out of the ends of her long hair. He swallowed heavily, sniffling back more tears. "Come in out of the cold," he told her hoarsely, backing his chair up and making a path for her to come into the house. They just stayed there for a long time, watching each other silently, both worrying what the next move they made would mean. But she soon just gave a tiny nod, carefully ascending back down the slippery stairs to pick up her bags. When she rose back up, she caught site of Tim still parked on the curb watching and she flashed him a tiny smile of gratitude and mouthed 'Thank you' to him before turning back to Jason and following him inside.
Sitting out in his truck, Tim drew in a small breath and let it out quickly, it condensing before him in the freezing air. He cleared his throat, starting up his truck as the door to the house that was now home for Jason, probably Mac... and Sam.... closed behind his best friend and his best friend's favourite girl. It was reminiscent of the scene back in New York, where Tim had tried to help Jason claw his life back with a woman he didn't love and a kid that wasn't his. But he was QB. He had been so optimistic until life bit him firmly in the ass all over again. Then Mac came along, and she really had been the one to give Jason something to keep going for. Tim had hated saying goodbye to his best friend that day in New York. It had felt like the right thing, but something had niggled in his gut that the chick wasn't the one to make Jason happy. This, though. This was different. Tim would have driven half-way across the world to convince Mac that she belong with QB. All the hitches in the road were supposed to lead here. Tim wasn't the optimistic sort. He didn't believe in happily ever after or any shit like that. But he knew he owed Jason, and he would keep trying to pay back his debt for as long as it took, and getting Mac here was what it needed to take. If Six decided sticking his tongue down Mac's throat was the best way to welcome her back, then it had to be right, right?
Right.
Now he just had to convince himself that he was alright with the fact that the most important people in his life had left him in Dillon without them. He was alright, he decided, peeling away from the curb to head back out of Austin, Dillon-bound. Tim Riggins was always alright.
Tim is texas33forever, and his part in this prompt is written by his mun. All other muses referenced with permission.
Word Count | 2,718
Of missing pieces
You can take and put together even though
You know there's something missing
Missing - Beck
Co-written with itwontstopme
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was a freezing day in Austin, but Jason had hardly noticed. In fact, Jason had hardly done anything that day. It was one of those days where you wake up feeling shit and everything around you feels shit too. You don't feel like being spoken to, and by default, just from the vibes you're sending out, everyone automatically just steers clear. He got out of bed for his morning routine in the bathroom, but after that was done, he was disappearing back into the cave of blankets, all the blinds drawn and the lights out. He didn't bother getting dressed, didn't shave, and didn't even feel hungry. Both Sam and Tyra asked him if he was sick, but he just told them both he wanted to be left alone. They got it. He never had to ask twice when he was in a funk like this, and he appreciated it. He didn't know where Silas was, which suited Jason at that point. He wasn't feeling the least bit sociable that day, even if Tyra's new other half had afforded them all much amusement in the short time he had been in Texas. Everything from supplying extremely good weed to wanting a shot in Jason's chair and ending up mincemeat against the wall complete with a broken arm. Jason had laughed more this past week than he had in months, but now he had come to a crashing halt. Everything felt so compounded today; the fact he was cripple and couldn't walk, that he lost his football career, that he let Tim and Lyla fuck him around, that his job prospects were in the toilet, that he let himself get taken for a ride by Erin, that he let himself get close to Noah, that he lost Mac and their baby, and couldn't be enough to have protected them from getting hurt. All in all, that day, he was just a big half-paralysed ball of misery but at least he was containing it to himself, right?
What he did know was that he was home alone. Tyra at college, Sam on a job interview, and Silas probably out dealing to obscure minority groups because he seemed to have a knack communicating with people no matter what. Jason was the first to admit he would never have pegged the guy to be fluent in sign language, of all things. At least Tyra showing up in Dillon with her boyfriend had helped Jason realise that there was still a world beyond the walls of that shitty rental house he had holed up in when he lost Mac and felt like his world had crashed down around him for the second time in as many years. But when the doorbell rang, Jason didn't move from under the covers. The forecast on the news the night before said there was a chance of snow. There was absolutely no reason for Jason to make the effort of getting out of bed. He wasn't expecting anyone, so why the fuck should he get the doorbell? No way. He was staying where he was, and if his fingers weren't semi-paralysed, he would probably be flipping off the door by now just for emphasis.
But the bell didn't stop. And it didn't sound like it was going to, and why the fuck was someone choosing today of all days to piss him off like this? He was friggen cripple! Didn't they know how long it actually took for him to get out of bed, into his chair, and then get to the door? The bell stopped briefly, but just when Jason thought the bastard had gone, it started again and he flung the covers off himself roughly with a growl. "What the fuck?" he complained, frowning deeply. He hooked his hand around the arm of his wheelchair and pulled it up beside the bed. Man, he was unfit. Those small actions alone had him a little breathless and there was a twinge of guilt in his gut at how much he let himself go, but it was fleeting and he didn't let himself linger on it because that would mean he had to admit he was doing something wrong when he had become used to his abysmal daily routine of nothingness. It was easy, and he hardly had to think.
He pulled on one of his old and very worn Panthers t-shirts that he mostly just used to sleep in now. Without the covers, it was colder than he thought and if it was Jehovah's Witness or door-to-door salesman being the obnoxious asshole at the door, he didn't think either of them would appreciate if he answered the door half-naked, especially if it was freezing outside. He realised just how tired he was as he made his way up the hall, and really, really couldn't be bothered with this shit. He let out a heavy rush of breath as he unchained the door and wheeled himself back to get it open. This he could never have been prepared for, and when he saw he was standing there he was hit with an overwhelming urge to burst into tears or throw up. If he had been able to stand, he probably would have lost his balance.
It the forecast showed that it might snow in Austin that day, it was going to snow in Austin. Fate just had a way of intervening that way. And it wasn't just a light sprinkling of snow, either. It was heavy and freezing. The doorbell ringing wasn't intended to be obnoxious, just a desperate want to get out of the cold, which was probably more metaphorical than she even realised. Taylor didn't know what she was doing. She had no plan. She didn't know what to say or do, and when Jason answered that door and was suddenly there before her, she had to woozily grab for the railing on the steps before she fell over. She couldn't recognise what the rush of emotions were since they hit her so quickly and heavily. Relief, maybe. Or fear he would tell her to fuck off. Devastated. Horrified to realise that Jason's appearance alone told her Tim had been right in everything he said. She really had broken him.
Her bags were packed, sitting at the bottom of the stairs and being covered in snow. The overwhelming urge to touch him at her stepping forward before she could think. "QB..." she said in a tiny voice with a sob, grabbing his face between her cold hands and leaned over to press her lips to his hair, just holding him. It was reflexive, and it was like she couldn't even stop herself to think that he might not want her to touch or even be there. The decision to let Tim drive her back to Texas after he rocked up in New York to get arrested just so he could speak to her had been shock enough for her as it was. She hadn't had any plans to go back, but he had been right about that too. Dillon was the place she couldn't go back. Hearing Jason wasn't in Dillon and wasn't in a good way had sealed the deal. She had already resigned from her job at the precinct in New York, and hadn't had time to figure out what her first move was. So she just kept not thinking, packing up her most important possessions and getting in Tim's truck for a road trip all the way back to Texas. The trip had taken them days, and even though she was exhausted, she wanted to be brought right to Austin - to Jason - as soon as they crossed he Texas border.
Even now, behind her parked out on the road, Tim was sticking by her to make sure she was okay. They had both been aware there was a chance Jason might not accept her abrupt appearance on his doorstep well. If that was going to happen, Tim would just rescue her again. He told her that, in not so many words. Truthfully, neither really wanted to contemplate how Jason might react because it would be the make or break of everything. Taylor just wanted to see him with her own eyes, to tell him things she had been painfully burning to talk to him about since she left. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't want her here. If he didn't, it would all really be over with and there had been a part of her that didn't want to think about that since she ran from Dillon. It was like if she kept that part nurtured, she would never really had to say goodbye to him, even if they weren't together. She was shivering from the snow she had been stuck in before Jason came to the door. Her hair that she had let grow out since the accident was damp and hanging in thick, messy strands around her face and over her shoulders. "I-" she began, it coming out choked through the tears she couldn't stop falling as she continued to nurse his face in her hands. "I need you," she whispered against his hair, freezing as she waited for his reaction and terrified he was going tell her he never wanted to see her again for what she did to him when she ran away.
Jason was too shocked to react at first. It had been over five months now since he had last saw her, lying in that hospital bed after the surgery resulting from the baby dying in the accident. At first, he really did think he was dreaming. It wouldn't be the first time he had dreamt about her, only every single one of those dreams turned into nightmares, disturbing his sleep to the point he didn't want to try again. That's why the booze seemed like such a good idea. He drank until he passed out, and he didn't have dreams when he was unconscious. Silas' weed was a good alternative, but it seemed to have him waking up feeling like he had been smacked in the head a few times if he mixed it with beer. The morning after, it never seemed like as good idea as it did the night before. But he could smell her familiar scent from her perfume and her favourite shampoo, feel her hands on his cheeks. She looked different, too. She was thinner and her hair was different. Her voice, though. Soft and soothing, even if she was crying. He was scared to react to her in case she disappeared into thin air and because he just wasn't sure how else he should absorb this right now, he just started to cry, putting his hands up to touch her wrists. Had she really come back? Had she, finally, been the one to chase him? He lifted his head, silently looking up into her eyes to search for any answers she couldn't verbalise, and then he kissed her, desperately and urgently like he just needed to feel that she wasn't all part of his grieving imagination once again.
Taylor kissed him back with just as much yearning to know he was real too. She knew she had come to him, but he hadn't pushed her away. Her chest suddenly felt like it was going to burst, like she wouldn't ever possibly be able to get enough of him. Her knee came to rest on his thigh, bracing herself in the force of the kiss as their tongues swept together just like they had never had any time together. His face was wet from a his tears that were now mixing with hers, and she let her hand crawl down his arm, still blindly drawing in pieces of him to map to her mind, reminding herself how he felt, how he tasted, how warm he was despite the snowy winter chill they were caught in on the front step of his new home. But she had to break to kiss. She stopped, wetting her lips and gazing down at him breathlessly, even though her hand was still tucked around his arm and the shaky fingers of her other were stroking through his hair behind his ear in a helpless rhythm as she attempted to show him she wasn't about to run away on him again. But it was going to take so much more than that. It was going to take a miracle to win back his trust. "I-I can stay. I can. But I... if ya' don't... if ya' don't want me to, I won't. I'll go. I'll understand if ya' never want to see me again," she told him tearfully, the thick wet drops slipping down her pale cheeks and dripping onto his lap. "I just... have so much I need to tell ya'. Please. Please, QB... give me another chance, even though I know I don't deserve it," she ended in a whisper through a rush of breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
Jason could feel his heart thumping in his chest, and he still wasn't sure if he wanted to throw up or just from the way his gut had twisted up the minute he had seen her standing there. She was still beautiful, and still his whole world even if she had run away from him. He was just terrified. Putting his hand up, he let the backs of his fingers brush against her wet cheek and then went to sweep some of the snow out of the ends of her long hair. He swallowed heavily, sniffling back more tears. "Come in out of the cold," he told her hoarsely, backing his chair up and making a path for her to come into the house. They just stayed there for a long time, watching each other silently, both worrying what the next move they made would mean. But she soon just gave a tiny nod, carefully ascending back down the slippery stairs to pick up her bags. When she rose back up, she caught site of Tim still parked on the curb watching and she flashed him a tiny smile of gratitude and mouthed 'Thank you' to him before turning back to Jason and following him inside.
Sitting out in his truck, Tim drew in a small breath and let it out quickly, it condensing before him in the freezing air. He cleared his throat, starting up his truck as the door to the house that was now home for Jason, probably Mac... and Sam.... closed behind his best friend and his best friend's favourite girl. It was reminiscent of the scene back in New York, where Tim had tried to help Jason claw his life back with a woman he didn't love and a kid that wasn't his. But he was QB. He had been so optimistic until life bit him firmly in the ass all over again. Then Mac came along, and she really had been the one to give Jason something to keep going for. Tim had hated saying goodbye to his best friend that day in New York. It had felt like the right thing, but something had niggled in his gut that the chick wasn't the one to make Jason happy. This, though. This was different. Tim would have driven half-way across the world to convince Mac that she belong with QB. All the hitches in the road were supposed to lead here. Tim wasn't the optimistic sort. He didn't believe in happily ever after or any shit like that. But he knew he owed Jason, and he would keep trying to pay back his debt for as long as it took, and getting Mac here was what it needed to take. If Six decided sticking his tongue down Mac's throat was the best way to welcome her back, then it had to be right, right?
Right.
Now he just had to convince himself that he was alright with the fact that the most important people in his life had left him in Dillon without them. He was alright, he decided, peeling away from the curb to head back out of Austin, Dillon-bound. Tim Riggins was always alright.
Tim is texas33forever, and his part in this prompt is written by his mun. All other muses referenced with permission.
Word Count | 2,718