Sad.
I hit a low point.
I don't know why - I actually had quite a nice day yesterday. But I'm so tired... I just have too much work to do.
I discussed this last night with maruchina , but there really isn't much I can do about it. I've dropped two uni courses - I'm only still doing Legal Translation, and I'm not giving that up. However, yesterday in class I was unprepared - a fact I desperately tried to hide by at least asking questions and actively contributing to the discussion (even if I hadn't prepared the document we were discussing, in general I do know what I'm talking about.) But I don't like being unprepared, not only because I don't want to look stupid in class and insult my teacher and fellow students by wasting their time, but mostly for the more complex reason that I LOVE my uni courses, I love preparing for them, I would consider uni the most important thing in my life at present, and I can't even make time for it.
I work four days a week at The Office, from 8.00 am till 5.30 pm. This means I leave home at 7 am and am back at 6.30 pm. Thursday is my "day off", but that's completely filled with uni (homework and class). I teach English one evening a week, I often have my e-learning students sending in assignments which I have to correct in the evening or on weekends, and this month I am working two Fridays (have to take time off from the Office) and two Saturdays at the e-learning company's oral exams days. And I have a pile of about 150 written exams at home to correct - in the evenings, mostly, but when I come home after having been out for 12 hours straight, I don't often have a lot of time and inclination left to get back to work.
Now I could drop all of the latter - but I'm trying to make a career for myself as an English translator and teacher, and to drop any work associated with that - any of the things I've been working so hard to achieve - is the last thing I'd want to do.
Oh, and I still haven't finished my BA thesis.
Once I finish uni, it'll all be less hectic. Until then, I'm just going to have to ride it out. And mostly, I like it. But yesterday - like more and more often, lately - it just seemed like I couldn't handle it. And when that happens, I get emotional. I just start doubting everything and everyone and myself the most. All of a sudden I just feel I'm silly, loud, annoying and totally unlovable. It's not a Good Feeling.
I don't know what I mean to say with all of this. I don't usually post drama, but I just needed to get it off my chest.