A Chance To Make Ammends
One of the greatest regrets of my life stems from an event in my senior year of high school. My boyfriend at the time "dumped" me weeks before the senior prom. I had my dress. My hair appointment. But no date.
A young man in my choir group had been giving me the eye for weeks. He wasn't my "type" per se, but I knew he would be more than willing to be my date once he knew I was free.
I knew it wasn't right to use him this way, but I had to go to the prom and show my ex what he'd missed out on. I knew I was going to look incredible and relished the thought of showing up when he was sure his dropping me would leave me high and dry.
My new date was amazing. He took me to a very a nice dinner, opened all of the doors, looked stunning in his tuxedo.
But the reality was, I wasn't into him. I was using him to make my ex feel bad.
The night was everything I dreamed it would be. My ex couldn't have been more shocked to see me and spent most of the night looking in my direction.
My heart was full.
At the end of the evening, I worried about how to leave things. I didn't want my date to get the wrong impression. I knew he was expecting a good night kiss and believed fully that to give him one would hurt him in the long run even more.
So as the car pulled up to my house, I gathered up my dress and hopped out. As he leaned over and started to close his eyes, I slammed the door shut in his face and calling, "thanks for a beautiful evening", turned away.
I cried that night over what I'd done. I knew I'd have to face my date at school on Monday and explain what I'd done. He'd been led to think one thing when I knew something else to be true.
My heart no longer felt full.
I'd done something despicable and felt ugly inside as a result.
Fast forward twenty years.
My date recently registered with an on-line "find your old classmates" website. He sent me an e-mail and I sent him one back. The years have passed and although our lives have gone in different directions, the memories we have of senior prom created a link between us.
It's amazing how long I've carried around the guilt for how I treated him, and it's amazing how much my heart has healed coming clean about what I'd done.
It's never too late to do the right thing or to apologize for not.
Forgiveness isn't the issue, although it's nice. It's having the courage to step up and take accountability for one's actions that's important.
This year, I was given my first chance to make ammends.
My heart feels lighter already.
A young man in my choir group had been giving me the eye for weeks. He wasn't my "type" per se, but I knew he would be more than willing to be my date once he knew I was free.
I knew it wasn't right to use him this way, but I had to go to the prom and show my ex what he'd missed out on. I knew I was going to look incredible and relished the thought of showing up when he was sure his dropping me would leave me high and dry.
My new date was amazing. He took me to a very a nice dinner, opened all of the doors, looked stunning in his tuxedo.
But the reality was, I wasn't into him. I was using him to make my ex feel bad.
The night was everything I dreamed it would be. My ex couldn't have been more shocked to see me and spent most of the night looking in my direction.
My heart was full.
At the end of the evening, I worried about how to leave things. I didn't want my date to get the wrong impression. I knew he was expecting a good night kiss and believed fully that to give him one would hurt him in the long run even more.
So as the car pulled up to my house, I gathered up my dress and hopped out. As he leaned over and started to close his eyes, I slammed the door shut in his face and calling, "thanks for a beautiful evening", turned away.
I cried that night over what I'd done. I knew I'd have to face my date at school on Monday and explain what I'd done. He'd been led to think one thing when I knew something else to be true.
My heart no longer felt full.
I'd done something despicable and felt ugly inside as a result.
Fast forward twenty years.
My date recently registered with an on-line "find your old classmates" website. He sent me an e-mail and I sent him one back. The years have passed and although our lives have gone in different directions, the memories we have of senior prom created a link between us.
It's amazing how long I've carried around the guilt for how I treated him, and it's amazing how much my heart has healed coming clean about what I'd done.
It's never too late to do the right thing or to apologize for not.
Forgiveness isn't the issue, although it's nice. It's having the courage to step up and take accountability for one's actions that's important.
This year, I was given my first chance to make ammends.
My heart feels lighter already.