Victim By Choice
Emotionally-needy friends are difficult to manage. It's hard when you want to be there for someone and you feel like you are there for them more often than they are there for you. But there is something wrong with the friendship when the phone rings and you see who's calling and think, "Do I have the energy to answer this" or "What is it THIS time?"
In the beginning, we shared a lot of the same struggles. But over time, I've progressed and this person hasn't, consciously choosing to dig in her heels and embrace a disorder that's ruining her life.
No one likes to feel like a victim.
Or do they?
I think sympathy is addictive. Once someone starts paying attention to whatever it is, it continues. Because the fear is, once the issue is resolved, there won't be any more attention garnered on this person.
A fallacy in thinking for sure.
I'm not interested in someone because they are sick or dysfunctional or eccentric. I like a person for who they are and continue my interactions with them based on how they make me feel when we're together or after a conversation.
But what happens when after talking with this person you feel worse?
Modeling only goes so far. I'm finding out that it's true that you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. I've even goes so as to give this friend a straw so they won't have to stretch their neck so far to reach water, but I can't pry their jaws open to take it.
Some people choose sickness over health.
This is a hard thing for me to accept.
I mean, who wouldn't want to get better? Who wouldn't want more out of their life?
Doing things you know you shouldn't over and over again isn't impusivity, it's stupidity.
How long are you expected to watch a train heading straight towards you before you leap out of the way?
Getting rid of this friendship is going to be difficult. This person has lost quite a few friendships because "she's just too much to handle" and I hate that my name too will soon be added to this list.
But friendships like this challenge my SI sobriety.
In order for me to "stay clean", I need a clean environment. I need people in my life who are equally committed to getting better and staying healthy. If they're not, then they are a liability and I have to let them go.
I hate that my friend has chosen to be a victim by choice.
But I'm not.
I'm choosing to continue my journey going forward boldly without abuse, without fear of relapse and without constant exposure to triggers.
Spending any length of time with this person is dangerous. Their allure and fascination with things that are ruining their life is something I thought I could change.
I know, big joke, right?
But I do think people can change.
The key is THEY have to want it just as much as I want it for them.
I'm not a bad person for recognizing this situation and acting on it.
Am I feeling bad about it?
Yes. But this is one of those choices that has to be made.
I am a wonderful friend and a tremendous support system for those who need it and are willing to use it for their improvement, not as a crutch for bad habits.
In the beginning, we shared a lot of the same struggles. But over time, I've progressed and this person hasn't, consciously choosing to dig in her heels and embrace a disorder that's ruining her life.
No one likes to feel like a victim.
Or do they?
I think sympathy is addictive. Once someone starts paying attention to whatever it is, it continues. Because the fear is, once the issue is resolved, there won't be any more attention garnered on this person.
A fallacy in thinking for sure.
I'm not interested in someone because they are sick or dysfunctional or eccentric. I like a person for who they are and continue my interactions with them based on how they make me feel when we're together or after a conversation.
But what happens when after talking with this person you feel worse?
Modeling only goes so far. I'm finding out that it's true that you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. I've even goes so as to give this friend a straw so they won't have to stretch their neck so far to reach water, but I can't pry their jaws open to take it.
Some people choose sickness over health.
This is a hard thing for me to accept.
I mean, who wouldn't want to get better? Who wouldn't want more out of their life?
Doing things you know you shouldn't over and over again isn't impusivity, it's stupidity.
How long are you expected to watch a train heading straight towards you before you leap out of the way?
Getting rid of this friendship is going to be difficult. This person has lost quite a few friendships because "she's just too much to handle" and I hate that my name too will soon be added to this list.
But friendships like this challenge my SI sobriety.
In order for me to "stay clean", I need a clean environment. I need people in my life who are equally committed to getting better and staying healthy. If they're not, then they are a liability and I have to let them go.
I hate that my friend has chosen to be a victim by choice.
But I'm not.
I'm choosing to continue my journey going forward boldly without abuse, without fear of relapse and without constant exposure to triggers.
Spending any length of time with this person is dangerous. Their allure and fascination with things that are ruining their life is something I thought I could change.
I know, big joke, right?
But I do think people can change.
The key is THEY have to want it just as much as I want it for them.
I'm not a bad person for recognizing this situation and acting on it.
Am I feeling bad about it?
Yes. But this is one of those choices that has to be made.
I am a wonderful friend and a tremendous support system for those who need it and are willing to use it for their improvement, not as a crutch for bad habits.