Looking For A Needle In A Haystack
There's nothing more frustrating than looking for something and not being able to find it.
The sense of, "I know it was here but now it's gone" leaves me frustrated and confused. Sometimes it literally feels like things sprout legs and walk away.
But invariably, where I thought something was proves to be incorrect. The keys I SWORE I put back in my purse have somehow found their way into the kitchen (because I had groceries in my hands when I walked in the door). Or the money I thought I had in my wallet has suddenly disappeared, and it isn't until I've turned my purse upside down, rummaged through my pants pockets and rifled through my car that I realized I don't have any money because I used the last of it to give to kids doing a fundraiser car wash.
But how my mind skips these important details and leaves me with an incomplete picture of the "truth" is troubling.
I keep three calendars. One at school, one in my purse and one at home. On each of these calendars, I have an "important engagement" written down on a day in November. But no where did I write what the engagement is!
This isn't like me.
I have poured through my e-mails, searched through my mail looking for an old invitation or some clue about what this "important engagement" is and cannot, for the life of me, find one.
What if I've double-booked myself? What if on this date, I show up somewhere and there is a group of people waiting for me somewhere else?
What if this event was tentative and not something written in stone? I don't know when I wrote it down. Maybe I was holding that date for something and it was subsequently moved to another date. (I have several "important engagements" each month)
I don't want to be irresponsible. I take meticulous notes about where I'm going, how long I will be there and what I need to do while I'm there.
To know that I have booked myself for a phantom engagement is killing me.
The day is looming closer. I keep praying for an e-mail or a friendly reminder letting me know that I am "on the books" and eagerly awaited.
But what if one never comes? What if I wake up that morning and realize I have somewhere to go but can't put a finger on where that is?
Today, I am looking for a needle in a haystack. I know there is one because it seems I put it there.
I only hope I can find it before I step on it.
The sense of, "I know it was here but now it's gone" leaves me frustrated and confused. Sometimes it literally feels like things sprout legs and walk away.
But invariably, where I thought something was proves to be incorrect. The keys I SWORE I put back in my purse have somehow found their way into the kitchen (because I had groceries in my hands when I walked in the door). Or the money I thought I had in my wallet has suddenly disappeared, and it isn't until I've turned my purse upside down, rummaged through my pants pockets and rifled through my car that I realized I don't have any money because I used the last of it to give to kids doing a fundraiser car wash.
But how my mind skips these important details and leaves me with an incomplete picture of the "truth" is troubling.
I keep three calendars. One at school, one in my purse and one at home. On each of these calendars, I have an "important engagement" written down on a day in November. But no where did I write what the engagement is!
This isn't like me.
I have poured through my e-mails, searched through my mail looking for an old invitation or some clue about what this "important engagement" is and cannot, for the life of me, find one.
What if I've double-booked myself? What if on this date, I show up somewhere and there is a group of people waiting for me somewhere else?
What if this event was tentative and not something written in stone? I don't know when I wrote it down. Maybe I was holding that date for something and it was subsequently moved to another date. (I have several "important engagements" each month)
I don't want to be irresponsible. I take meticulous notes about where I'm going, how long I will be there and what I need to do while I'm there.
To know that I have booked myself for a phantom engagement is killing me.
The day is looming closer. I keep praying for an e-mail or a friendly reminder letting me know that I am "on the books" and eagerly awaited.
But what if one never comes? What if I wake up that morning and realize I have somewhere to go but can't put a finger on where that is?
Today, I am looking for a needle in a haystack. I know there is one because it seems I put it there.
I only hope I can find it before I step on it.