What A Pespective Shift!
I've always been one to sweat the small stuff. My life is one detail after another. In the long-run, this has made me highly aware, incredibly organized, and a world-class worrier.
But today I found out a friend of mine has been given five months to live.
This news has hit me like a ton of bricks.
You'd never know it. She is vivacious, infinately positive and always willing to go the extra mile if it means someone else will benefit.
I just saw her a week ago.
I had no clue she was sick.
It appears, neither did she.
In the time that I've bought groceries, filled up with gas, prepared lesson plans and nearly completed my first week of a new school year, my friend has been to the doctor, then to surgery, through several rounds of chemo and been given the news that her life is rapidly coming to an end.
It is times like these that I realize how misguided much of my worrying has been and is. In the whole scheme of things, how critically important are the things that I allow to keep me awake at night?
I feel ashamed.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel sad.
I want to do something. But I'm sure everyone who knows her does too. We want to intervene in her fate, to say the right things and do the right things to encourage her in this fight for her life...to assure her that she isn't alone, that she is loved and surrounded by people whose lives she has changed, for the better.
As a cutter, I used to know how to handle situations like this. It never made the other person feel better, but I did. Somehow I could purge myself of my own fears and anxieties and watch them collect and then run down the drain.
But even in those hollow moments to "cope", I was clinging to the hope that somehow if I hurt enough, I could take away the real pain I could not control.
Not true.
The reality is that I cannot take this pain away. I cannot remove the fear and uncertainty that now looms in the eyes of my friend.
But I can assure her that I am here for her. I know with more conviction than ever that I have a role to play in making this time in her life easier, even if it's just to send flowers, make a call, share a joke.
I bring normalcy to a situation that is anything but.
In life, I sweat the small stuff. But not tonight. Tonight, I find myself thinking about larger issues that supercede any of the other things that might normally occupy my mind.
I've been given a gift in my friend's bad news. I am reminded once again that now is all I have. No matter how much I want to control my destiny and plan my life, there is too much out there. I won't ever be able to do or control it all.
Instead, I better just hang on for the ride.
I am hoping for a miracle. That somehow my friend will find a way to prove the doctor's wrong.
I know she is praying for that too.
My perspective has shifted a little bit. It needed too. Today was a good day and tomorrow is yet to be. But I can't worry about what isn't. I can only appreciate what is.
And tonight, my friend is surrounded by prayers, family and well-wishes from all who know her. She isn't alone and I hope that gives her courage as she faces another day.
I face it now too with a deeper appreciation of the good things in my life.
But today I found out a friend of mine has been given five months to live.
This news has hit me like a ton of bricks.
You'd never know it. She is vivacious, infinately positive and always willing to go the extra mile if it means someone else will benefit.
I just saw her a week ago.
I had no clue she was sick.
It appears, neither did she.
In the time that I've bought groceries, filled up with gas, prepared lesson plans and nearly completed my first week of a new school year, my friend has been to the doctor, then to surgery, through several rounds of chemo and been given the news that her life is rapidly coming to an end.
It is times like these that I realize how misguided much of my worrying has been and is. In the whole scheme of things, how critically important are the things that I allow to keep me awake at night?
I feel ashamed.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel sad.
I want to do something. But I'm sure everyone who knows her does too. We want to intervene in her fate, to say the right things and do the right things to encourage her in this fight for her life...to assure her that she isn't alone, that she is loved and surrounded by people whose lives she has changed, for the better.
As a cutter, I used to know how to handle situations like this. It never made the other person feel better, but I did. Somehow I could purge myself of my own fears and anxieties and watch them collect and then run down the drain.
But even in those hollow moments to "cope", I was clinging to the hope that somehow if I hurt enough, I could take away the real pain I could not control.
Not true.
The reality is that I cannot take this pain away. I cannot remove the fear and uncertainty that now looms in the eyes of my friend.
But I can assure her that I am here for her. I know with more conviction than ever that I have a role to play in making this time in her life easier, even if it's just to send flowers, make a call, share a joke.
I bring normalcy to a situation that is anything but.
In life, I sweat the small stuff. But not tonight. Tonight, I find myself thinking about larger issues that supercede any of the other things that might normally occupy my mind.
I've been given a gift in my friend's bad news. I am reminded once again that now is all I have. No matter how much I want to control my destiny and plan my life, there is too much out there. I won't ever be able to do or control it all.
Instead, I better just hang on for the ride.
I am hoping for a miracle. That somehow my friend will find a way to prove the doctor's wrong.
I know she is praying for that too.
My perspective has shifted a little bit. It needed too. Today was a good day and tomorrow is yet to be. But I can't worry about what isn't. I can only appreciate what is.
And tonight, my friend is surrounded by prayers, family and well-wishes from all who know her. She isn't alone and I hope that gives her courage as she faces another day.
I face it now too with a deeper appreciation of the good things in my life.