What Do You Expect Anyway?
One of the things that makes me an effective teacher is that my students know what I want from them. Before they are given a project or a written assignment, I give them examples or an outline of what I'm looking for. When the work comes in, we both feel good about it most of the time. I know what to expect when I grade, and the kids know whether or not what they are turning in matches my expectations.
There are few surprises.
In real life, most things aren't outlined as well. We are left to "interpret" what other people want from us and wonder if what we've produced meets, beats or falls short of their expectations.
As a perfectionist, I want to know what "perfect" looks like before I ever get started so I can go beyond that. As a student, if I knew what was required for an "A", I would make a point to raise the bar a little higher and take the assignment to a new level. Why? As teacher's pet, I believed it was expected. If I didn't surpass my teacher's expectations, I feared I would no longer be their favorite and I needed to be.
As a teen, when I started working in the "real" world, I put a lot of pressure on myself to read my bosses' minds. If they asked me to work from 8-4, I made sure I was there early, skipped lunch and offered to stay late. I wanted to prove I was reliable, consistent and the best employee they'd ever had.
Why?
This over-achieving never got me a raise or promotion really. But it showed others I worked with what they were up against. If there was a quota, deadline or contest, I was going to do whatever it took to beat it.
I had to be the best at all costs because I believed that's what was expected of me.
Part of this stems from the messages I was given as a child by my parents. I can remember so clearly working on school projects, feeling I'd done my best, and being told, "you can do better than that! Here, let me help you." And before I knew it, what I was thought was good enough was stripped away and together, one of my parent's and I would start all over again.
In college, none of my professors told me what they wanted or was looking for. This was up to me to figure out and interpret. I cannot tell you the amount of time I spent trying to put myself in their shoes and decide what I would want if I were them. I would go to the ends of the earth to make my work stand out.
And it did.
But there was a price and my body suffered for it. Always second-guessing my decisions, my approach, my angle. What would they think?
I worried constantly about not being good enough...about falling short of my professors expectations, or wanting their respect and not knowing how best to earn it. How can you show someone you want to be like them without kissing their butt?
I wish people were more direct in their expectations. I wish that instead of hoping I read minds, people would say, "it would be nice if..." or, "I am looking for XYZ in this proposal", etc.
I never want my students to feel like they are floundering...that they are flying blind and left to their own devices when completing something for me.
But as their teacher, I feel like I live in the dark. Nothing feels worse than someone telling you, "give me what you have" and praying it's want they want and reflective of your efforts.
There are few surprises.
In real life, most things aren't outlined as well. We are left to "interpret" what other people want from us and wonder if what we've produced meets, beats or falls short of their expectations.
As a perfectionist, I want to know what "perfect" looks like before I ever get started so I can go beyond that. As a student, if I knew what was required for an "A", I would make a point to raise the bar a little higher and take the assignment to a new level. Why? As teacher's pet, I believed it was expected. If I didn't surpass my teacher's expectations, I feared I would no longer be their favorite and I needed to be.
As a teen, when I started working in the "real" world, I put a lot of pressure on myself to read my bosses' minds. If they asked me to work from 8-4, I made sure I was there early, skipped lunch and offered to stay late. I wanted to prove I was reliable, consistent and the best employee they'd ever had.
Why?
This over-achieving never got me a raise or promotion really. But it showed others I worked with what they were up against. If there was a quota, deadline or contest, I was going to do whatever it took to beat it.
I had to be the best at all costs because I believed that's what was expected of me.
Part of this stems from the messages I was given as a child by my parents. I can remember so clearly working on school projects, feeling I'd done my best, and being told, "you can do better than that! Here, let me help you." And before I knew it, what I was thought was good enough was stripped away and together, one of my parent's and I would start all over again.
In college, none of my professors told me what they wanted or was looking for. This was up to me to figure out and interpret. I cannot tell you the amount of time I spent trying to put myself in their shoes and decide what I would want if I were them. I would go to the ends of the earth to make my work stand out.
And it did.
But there was a price and my body suffered for it. Always second-guessing my decisions, my approach, my angle. What would they think?
I worried constantly about not being good enough...about falling short of my professors expectations, or wanting their respect and not knowing how best to earn it. How can you show someone you want to be like them without kissing their butt?
I wish people were more direct in their expectations. I wish that instead of hoping I read minds, people would say, "it would be nice if..." or, "I am looking for XYZ in this proposal", etc.
I never want my students to feel like they are floundering...that they are flying blind and left to their own devices when completing something for me.
But as their teacher, I feel like I live in the dark. Nothing feels worse than someone telling you, "give me what you have" and praying it's want they want and reflective of your efforts.