Looking Out For Your Own Best Interest
When I was in high school, I worked at Target as a cashier. I loved the sense of maturity that came with employment that wasn't babysitting, and for the first time in my life, received "real" paychecks.
But these checks came at a price.
Prior to this job, all of the adults in my life had looked out for my best interest. My parents worked tirelessly to make sure I was safe, well-rested, well-fed and happy. My teachers worked hard to make sure that I was involved, challenged and constantly affirmed for my efforts.
But bosses are of a different breed.
The only people they look out for are themselves.
As a student, I didn't have my own form of transportation and relied on friends and the public bus system to get me to and from work. There wasn't any "last minute" shift coverage on my part because the store was more than half an hour away and buses didn't run in my area that often.
The long hours I put in closing, or coming in on holidays (because full-time employees "deserved" time with their families) showed me how expdendable I was. I was paid little to do much.
For the first time in my life, others were getting rich off my efforts.
This was a rude awakening to me. I realized then that others in my life may not look at things with my best interest in mind. They would be out for themselves, their constituents, their own profit. If they were dissatisfied with me, they could let me go.
No questions.
No answers.
Today, I have a job that I thoroughly enjoy but it is also results-based. Rarely are others looking out for my best interests.
Ultimately, the only one who can do that is me.
Here is where learning to say no is critical. It is a skill I lack and one I continue to pay for.
Can you do X, Y and Z? All before noon tomorrow?
Not wanting to appear unable to help or lazy, I will say yes, even if it is at the expense of my health, my personal life or time.
When I am so exhausted I can hardly see straight, it's usually my own fault. I have allowed others to "guilt" me into saying yes, and rather than standing firm on my own convictions, I back down and give in.
But over time this has grown old and I have paid high consequences for not being able to protect my own interests. I want to believe that others value my personal time (they don't), put my health as a top priority (they don't) and will work to minimize how often my resources are exhausted (they don't).
Why?
Others don't look out for me because they are looking out for themselves. It is not their job to look out for my best interests, it's mine.
I hope others won't put me in a position of saying no because I fear I won't be strong enough to say it and stick by it.
Usually I'm not.
But as I sit here, again, after six long weeks of 14-hour, seven day work weeks, I find myself reflecting on what's really important.
If I am unhealthy, too tired to think straight, or malnourished, what good am I to others anyway? If I am to be a contributing member of society, it is my job to see that I am in top form, prepared (mentally and physically) to face the challenges that lay ahead.
Right now, I'm not.
Looking out for me and guarding what I think is important isn't selfish, it's necessary. As I face a week of vacation, I will use this time to get myself back to where I need to be. I will replenish my resources and re-fill my spiritual "cup".
Giving to others is wonderful. Sharing your time and talents with others is noble. But to give all of yourself away so that there's nothing left but exhaustion for yourself is unfair, to everyone, and I need to give myself permission to say no.
But these checks came at a price.
Prior to this job, all of the adults in my life had looked out for my best interest. My parents worked tirelessly to make sure I was safe, well-rested, well-fed and happy. My teachers worked hard to make sure that I was involved, challenged and constantly affirmed for my efforts.
But bosses are of a different breed.
The only people they look out for are themselves.
As a student, I didn't have my own form of transportation and relied on friends and the public bus system to get me to and from work. There wasn't any "last minute" shift coverage on my part because the store was more than half an hour away and buses didn't run in my area that often.
The long hours I put in closing, or coming in on holidays (because full-time employees "deserved" time with their families) showed me how expdendable I was. I was paid little to do much.
For the first time in my life, others were getting rich off my efforts.
This was a rude awakening to me. I realized then that others in my life may not look at things with my best interest in mind. They would be out for themselves, their constituents, their own profit. If they were dissatisfied with me, they could let me go.
No questions.
No answers.
Today, I have a job that I thoroughly enjoy but it is also results-based. Rarely are others looking out for my best interests.
Ultimately, the only one who can do that is me.
Here is where learning to say no is critical. It is a skill I lack and one I continue to pay for.
Can you do X, Y and Z? All before noon tomorrow?
Not wanting to appear unable to help or lazy, I will say yes, even if it is at the expense of my health, my personal life or time.
When I am so exhausted I can hardly see straight, it's usually my own fault. I have allowed others to "guilt" me into saying yes, and rather than standing firm on my own convictions, I back down and give in.
But over time this has grown old and I have paid high consequences for not being able to protect my own interests. I want to believe that others value my personal time (they don't), put my health as a top priority (they don't) and will work to minimize how often my resources are exhausted (they don't).
Why?
Others don't look out for me because they are looking out for themselves. It is not their job to look out for my best interests, it's mine.
I hope others won't put me in a position of saying no because I fear I won't be strong enough to say it and stick by it.
Usually I'm not.
But as I sit here, again, after six long weeks of 14-hour, seven day work weeks, I find myself reflecting on what's really important.
If I am unhealthy, too tired to think straight, or malnourished, what good am I to others anyway? If I am to be a contributing member of society, it is my job to see that I am in top form, prepared (mentally and physically) to face the challenges that lay ahead.
Right now, I'm not.
Looking out for me and guarding what I think is important isn't selfish, it's necessary. As I face a week of vacation, I will use this time to get myself back to where I need to be. I will replenish my resources and re-fill my spiritual "cup".
Giving to others is wonderful. Sharing your time and talents with others is noble. But to give all of yourself away so that there's nothing left but exhaustion for yourself is unfair, to everyone, and I need to give myself permission to say no.