Looking For Mr. Right?
When the Puritans first came to this country, women were expected to be hearty, of "good stock", able to bear many children and to work, side by side, with her partner as a help mate. Marriage was a contract: men would provide the living if women could provide the labor force to maintain it. Love had nothing to do with it.
As the early settlers slowly carved their niche into the land and established a firm foothold in the New World, women's roles started to change slightly. No longer in a life and death struggle against the land, men could tend to the fields and women could spend more of their time at home, with the children, cooking and cleaning for their husbands. Marriage continued to be an arrangement. Women needed to be provided for and men needed someone to provide for them. Love wasn't even a consideration. Love, if evident at all, "grew over time".
But in the 1800's as our society in America changed, so did the role of women and what they expected out of a relationship.
Now, more than 200 years later, the role of women and their expectations of a relationship resemble next to nothing of those in generations past.
What does a woman need a man for? Or for that matter, what does a man need a woman for? Financial security? Not really. Important decision making? Not really. Children? Not anymore. Companionship? A partner? A help mate?
I thought I knew the answer to this question. I saw my parents marriage ebb and flow and eventually implode and I thought for sure I knew what mistakes they'd made and be strong enough to avoid them.
I was. But I wasn't strong enough to avoid making my own, new ones, and the result was the same.
Having been in a long-term relationship now for more than a year and half, I find myself wondering again about the benefits of being with someone long-term.
I'm not seeing many.
Maybe I'm with the wrong person.
Or maybe the wrong person in this relationship is me.
Maybe there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Maybe this is a lie I bought in to as a way of ensuring that I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life.
But I've learned that just because you're with someone, doesn't mean you don't feel alone. And I think I'm realizing that if I feel alone, maybe it's better to just be alone.
I'm not looking for Mr. Right. Maybe there's one out there for me and maybe there isn't. Either way, I know I'm okay. I am strong enough, talented enough, resourceful enough and brave enough to get through life on my own.
I wish someone would have told me that a long time ago.
As the early settlers slowly carved their niche into the land and established a firm foothold in the New World, women's roles started to change slightly. No longer in a life and death struggle against the land, men could tend to the fields and women could spend more of their time at home, with the children, cooking and cleaning for their husbands. Marriage continued to be an arrangement. Women needed to be provided for and men needed someone to provide for them. Love wasn't even a consideration. Love, if evident at all, "grew over time".
But in the 1800's as our society in America changed, so did the role of women and what they expected out of a relationship.
Now, more than 200 years later, the role of women and their expectations of a relationship resemble next to nothing of those in generations past.
What does a woman need a man for? Or for that matter, what does a man need a woman for? Financial security? Not really. Important decision making? Not really. Children? Not anymore. Companionship? A partner? A help mate?
I thought I knew the answer to this question. I saw my parents marriage ebb and flow and eventually implode and I thought for sure I knew what mistakes they'd made and be strong enough to avoid them.
I was. But I wasn't strong enough to avoid making my own, new ones, and the result was the same.
Having been in a long-term relationship now for more than a year and half, I find myself wondering again about the benefits of being with someone long-term.
I'm not seeing many.
Maybe I'm with the wrong person.
Or maybe the wrong person in this relationship is me.
Maybe there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Maybe this is a lie I bought in to as a way of ensuring that I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life.
But I've learned that just because you're with someone, doesn't mean you don't feel alone. And I think I'm realizing that if I feel alone, maybe it's better to just be alone.
I'm not looking for Mr. Right. Maybe there's one out there for me and maybe there isn't. Either way, I know I'm okay. I am strong enough, talented enough, resourceful enough and brave enough to get through life on my own.
I wish someone would have told me that a long time ago.