Overcoming Fear in the Strangest Places
I wish I knew where fear came from. I wasn't always this afraid. As a small child, my fears were irrational: the dark, monsters in my closet, losing my favorite stuffed animal or being forced to eat a dreaded vegetable. As I got older, my fears took on a different shape: fear of punishment, fear of others not liking me, fear of failure. And then as I got older still: fear of people finding out the truth, fear of killing myself accidentally, fear of never being able to love myself for who I really am.
Some of these fears are baseless, others are not. But I don't know where they came from. If I did, I might have been able to head them off at the pass and re-direct that emotional energy into something more constructive.
Fear is dangerous because it has a way of holding us back. If we buy into the fear, no matter how implausible it may be, it affects the decisions we make. Our decisions therefore are not made on facts, but in reaction to supposed fear.
I am not a risk taker by nature. I am very hesitant to do anything that I know isn't 100% safe or already tried and proven by another individual. This fear interferes with my ability to just hop on a roller coaster or water slide without first having it tried by someone else.
But this weekend was different. On a whim, a friend and I drove to Arkansas to go to a waterpark. We wanted to do something a little different, and so after driving for 8 hours, we arrived, put on our suits and off we went. Usually, I am never the first one down the slide. I want to watch my friend for as long as I can so I can mentally prepare myself for the awaiting twists and turns. But not this weekend.
Without fail, I was the first one down every slide. I didn't know where I was going or what I would experience, and that created an incredible sense of euphoria in me. By not being as "prepared" as I usually am, I gave my spirit a chance to just be...to get go with the flow (literally!) and take each turn as it came. It was incredibly liberating! Finally, I let go some of the control and fear and my heart was lighter for it!
On one slide in particular, there was a small child in front of me. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. I thought for sure her father would push her into the hole and she would cry and scream. Not a chance.
She couldn't wait to get on that slide or be pushed into the darkness! If she had any fear, I didn't see it. And when she hit the water, she dog paddled like a pro and hopped out to do it all over again. In retrospect, I doubt that was her first waterslide experience. But nevertheless, it was one she truly enjoyed. I wished I could be more like her and hoped she would stay carefree for as long as possible.
I wish I weren't so afraid. I won't try many new foods because of the way they look or smell. I don't like my foods to touch each other, and rarely do restaurants honor this request. As a result, the collage of juices on my plate is usually enough to turn my stomach and so I never try things that I really might have liked.
I am not always good at meeting new people. I am afraid of what they might be thinking about me or will say about me after I am gone, and so unless I am with someone else I know, in crowds I tend to be a wall flower.
I am not good at confrontation. I do not like people being mad at me, and so I will stuff my feelings in an effort to make the peace most of the time.
And I am afraid of failing. In academics, this was never enough to make me stop trying, but in life, that's a different story. What if I try something and I stink at it? What if I embarrass myself in the process? What if? What if? What if?
Fear is very powerful. I am working very hard to understand where my fear comes from and what I can do to overcome it. I don't want it to be something that continues to hold me back in my life.
The good thing about fear is that it prevents us from doing things that really are unsafe or unwise. But when given too much power, it rolls over into areas of life and becomes counterproductive.
If I am to truly achieve all that I have potential for, I cannot allow fear to limit my efforts. If I make a fool out of myself in the process, then I must take joy in the fact that at least I had the courage to try.
Some of these fears are baseless, others are not. But I don't know where they came from. If I did, I might have been able to head them off at the pass and re-direct that emotional energy into something more constructive.
Fear is dangerous because it has a way of holding us back. If we buy into the fear, no matter how implausible it may be, it affects the decisions we make. Our decisions therefore are not made on facts, but in reaction to supposed fear.
I am not a risk taker by nature. I am very hesitant to do anything that I know isn't 100% safe or already tried and proven by another individual. This fear interferes with my ability to just hop on a roller coaster or water slide without first having it tried by someone else.
But this weekend was different. On a whim, a friend and I drove to Arkansas to go to a waterpark. We wanted to do something a little different, and so after driving for 8 hours, we arrived, put on our suits and off we went. Usually, I am never the first one down the slide. I want to watch my friend for as long as I can so I can mentally prepare myself for the awaiting twists and turns. But not this weekend.
Without fail, I was the first one down every slide. I didn't know where I was going or what I would experience, and that created an incredible sense of euphoria in me. By not being as "prepared" as I usually am, I gave my spirit a chance to just be...to get go with the flow (literally!) and take each turn as it came. It was incredibly liberating! Finally, I let go some of the control and fear and my heart was lighter for it!
On one slide in particular, there was a small child in front of me. She couldn't have been more than 4 years old. I thought for sure her father would push her into the hole and she would cry and scream. Not a chance.
She couldn't wait to get on that slide or be pushed into the darkness! If she had any fear, I didn't see it. And when she hit the water, she dog paddled like a pro and hopped out to do it all over again. In retrospect, I doubt that was her first waterslide experience. But nevertheless, it was one she truly enjoyed. I wished I could be more like her and hoped she would stay carefree for as long as possible.
I wish I weren't so afraid. I won't try many new foods because of the way they look or smell. I don't like my foods to touch each other, and rarely do restaurants honor this request. As a result, the collage of juices on my plate is usually enough to turn my stomach and so I never try things that I really might have liked.
I am not always good at meeting new people. I am afraid of what they might be thinking about me or will say about me after I am gone, and so unless I am with someone else I know, in crowds I tend to be a wall flower.
I am not good at confrontation. I do not like people being mad at me, and so I will stuff my feelings in an effort to make the peace most of the time.
And I am afraid of failing. In academics, this was never enough to make me stop trying, but in life, that's a different story. What if I try something and I stink at it? What if I embarrass myself in the process? What if? What if? What if?
Fear is very powerful. I am working very hard to understand where my fear comes from and what I can do to overcome it. I don't want it to be something that continues to hold me back in my life.
The good thing about fear is that it prevents us from doing things that really are unsafe or unwise. But when given too much power, it rolls over into areas of life and becomes counterproductive.
If I am to truly achieve all that I have potential for, I cannot allow fear to limit my efforts. If I make a fool out of myself in the process, then I must take joy in the fact that at least I had the courage to try.