"The Blessing"
One of the most powerful books I have ever read is called "The Blessing" by Gary Smalley and John Trent. It tells the story of two brothers. Traditionally, the eldest son inherited the land and received the father's "blessing". But the mother wished this for the younger son, and so she dressed him up in the elder brother's clothing and sent him in to see his father, old and nearly blind. The younger brother, tricking the father, receives his father's most sacred gift...the blessing. The elder brother, not realizing what has happened, goes in later to seek his father's blessing. The father tells him that he's sorry, but he's already given it away.
As children, we all want our parent's blessing. We want them to love us unconditionally and to support us in all our endeavors. We want them to be proud of us and to give us validation that we are good people and worthy of love.
But sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes a parent isn't in a position emotionally to give their children that support and validation, and so the child is left wanting, waiting for a blessing that is not coming.
We need to realize that people cannot give what they do not have. If an adult wasn't loved as a child, it will be very difficult for them to love their own children. If an adult wasn't told by their parents that they are good and worthy of all of the good things in life, how can they possible encourage their own children in this way?
For too long I held the adults in my life accountable for things they were not strong enough to overcome. I was treated a certain way as a child because my parents had been treated that way by their own parents. The saying that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree is a true one. The good news is, as apples, we aren't doomed to give birth to the same tree.
I am happy to say that although I didn't get the blessing I needed from my father, God put other people in my life to give it to me anyway. Just because it didn't come from a genetic donor in no way compromises the good things I've been told by others in my life.
You need to understand that sometimes we look to people in our lives to give us things (emotional) that they have no ability to give. It's not that we are unworthy or that they don't want to, they can't.
I used to think that if people loved me enough, they would figure out what I needed or wanted. I thought if I had to tell them, it would in some way minimize the request. Not true. Not telling others what I needed, meant that I surely wouldn't get what I needed! Once I started realizing this and gave myself permission to stand up and say, "hey, I need...", people were responsive and more than willing to help me if they could.
Everyone needs to hear that they are loved and important. But these messages cannot always come from the people we'd like to hear them from the most. They're not holding out on you, they just aren't in an emotional place to fill that need for you.
Don't give up on yourself. Find someone else you trust and respect to give you the blessing you need. There is indeed a blessing for you, even if it means at times you have to give it to yourself.
I have learned more about the tree that I've fallen from. I am in a position now to do things differently should I choose. I am not doomed to re-plant and re-produce the same tree unless I want to. That is an empowering message and one that motivates me to "roll" over to higher, more emotionally fertile ground. There, my tree will be planted and will grow over time. Then the fruit that it bears, will be healthier and stronger than the tree that gave it life.
As children, we all want our parent's blessing. We want them to love us unconditionally and to support us in all our endeavors. We want them to be proud of us and to give us validation that we are good people and worthy of love.
But sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes a parent isn't in a position emotionally to give their children that support and validation, and so the child is left wanting, waiting for a blessing that is not coming.
We need to realize that people cannot give what they do not have. If an adult wasn't loved as a child, it will be very difficult for them to love their own children. If an adult wasn't told by their parents that they are good and worthy of all of the good things in life, how can they possible encourage their own children in this way?
For too long I held the adults in my life accountable for things they were not strong enough to overcome. I was treated a certain way as a child because my parents had been treated that way by their own parents. The saying that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree is a true one. The good news is, as apples, we aren't doomed to give birth to the same tree.
I am happy to say that although I didn't get the blessing I needed from my father, God put other people in my life to give it to me anyway. Just because it didn't come from a genetic donor in no way compromises the good things I've been told by others in my life.
You need to understand that sometimes we look to people in our lives to give us things (emotional) that they have no ability to give. It's not that we are unworthy or that they don't want to, they can't.
I used to think that if people loved me enough, they would figure out what I needed or wanted. I thought if I had to tell them, it would in some way minimize the request. Not true. Not telling others what I needed, meant that I surely wouldn't get what I needed! Once I started realizing this and gave myself permission to stand up and say, "hey, I need...", people were responsive and more than willing to help me if they could.
Everyone needs to hear that they are loved and important. But these messages cannot always come from the people we'd like to hear them from the most. They're not holding out on you, they just aren't in an emotional place to fill that need for you.
Don't give up on yourself. Find someone else you trust and respect to give you the blessing you need. There is indeed a blessing for you, even if it means at times you have to give it to yourself.
I have learned more about the tree that I've fallen from. I am in a position now to do things differently should I choose. I am not doomed to re-plant and re-produce the same tree unless I want to. That is an empowering message and one that motivates me to "roll" over to higher, more emotionally fertile ground. There, my tree will be planted and will grow over time. Then the fruit that it bears, will be healthier and stronger than the tree that gave it life.