(no subject)
Title: Ten Ways Daniel Could Crush Walter-the-Worm
Author: comeon_eileen
Rating: G for Gosh, Daniel should ALWAYS lay on tables with takeout
Characters: Walter, Betty, Daniel, and others
Notes: This is like tennis, only better because I can be lazy and write/post from my bed. I continue to acknowledge snarky_kat for inviting me to play. And you all! Because your feedback has been oh, so very awesome to receive.
option one option two option three
---
Dear Walter,
We just arrived in Costa Rica today. The hotel is so fancy and everyone is really nice! The only problem is that they accidentally booked a single suite for us instead of two, and because of the convention, there are no free rooms. Daniel says not to worry, we'll manage. Anyway, I'm sorry I can't share this experience with you in person, but this is a business trip and Daniel says we're going to be extremely busy. Still, I promise to write so often it'll feel like you're here! (Plus, Daniel's sending the postcards express, so we don't have to wait for international mail - yay!)
Always Love, Betty
---
Walter
It is no accident that your girlfriend and her employer are sharing the same suite. I have enclosed for your ears only a recorded conversation of Meade, in fact, cancelling the extra room. Be wary. He's trying to steal her from you. Meade's last assistant testifies that she too was seduced on a 'business trip' to Costa Rica. She claims he will move next to the gift shop.
From, An Anonymous Friend
---
Dear Walter,
Daniel bought me the cutest thing at the gift shop today. I mean, it wasn't anything huge, just this little snow globe necklace, but it lights up when you hold it upside down and my name is written on the top and I love it! I wasn't going to let him get it, but he made this whole speech about how he never gets to express his appreciation for me and I finally caved. Anyways, we're off to attend a workshop now, so I'll write again later!
Love, Betty
---
Oh, Walter:
Betty and Meade were seen sharing dinner at the Ariadne Cafe. The chefs inside confessed to me that they were paid to replace typical ingredients in hard-to-pronounce dishes with known aphrodisiacs; oysters, kava kava, damiana, etc.
Be strong, Hoping to Help for Your Sake
---
Dear Walter,
Yesterday evening was fairly uneventful. Daniel and I had dinner and discussed some of the things we'd picked up from the workshop (I won't bore you with details). The food was okay, I guess, although some of it tasted kind of strange at first. Daniel said I should try it anyway and refine my palate, so I did and after a few bites I kind of relaxed and started to actually enjoy it. I guess sometimes he does have good advice.
Thinking of You, Betty
---
Poor Walter:
I have it on good authority that Meade did not sleep on the couch last night. Enclosed is a set of photographs of the empty couch, time-stamped for each hour between midnight and seven in the morning.
There's still hope, Your Inside-Man
---
Dear Walter,
Sorry I didn't send a postcard earlier this morning! I feel so guilty. I must have forgotten to set the alarm last night and so I didn't wake up until late. Daniel said it was fine. He was really tired, too. Anyway, I'll get back to you again after today's speeches.
Affectionately, Betty
---
Saddest Walter:
I'm sorry to write that your girlfriend was publically seen in the arms of Meade. They no longer try to hide their actions. I have provided a picture. What they were doing so close together in the phonebooth, I'd rather not speculate.
Drearily, Your Rock in a Hard Time
---
Dear Walter,
Today has been crazy. I will write and explain tomorrow, when I have a more clear head. I hope you're doing well. I do miss you.
Until Later, Betty
---
Tragic Walter,
I fear by the time the trip ends, your Betty will be gone forever. Meade seems set on corrupting her completely. I heard what I could of a conversation between the two, while they shared martinis in a lounge - in the morning, and nowhere near the conference center. She twice marveled at "how much bigger it is" than she thought it would be - how "good it felt" and - mostly tragically - how "Walter would never have tried that".
Apologetically, Losing All Hope for You and Yours
---
Dear Walter,
I have news, but I think I should tell you in person. I won't be gone very much longer. In the meantime, I just want to say that I hope you everything is going good at work and stuff.
Bye, Betty
---
Oh, Abandoned Walter, doomed to solitude,
We have lost the war, failed before we'd truly begun to fight. She has succumbed to him, completely and utterly. After their drinks, they returned to their suite and drew the blinds and were not seen the rest of the evening or night. I must note that she did not mail you a second postcard, as has been her habit. My heart is heavy for you. I can only suggest that you strive for civility when they return.
Desperately Disheartened,
Your Sorrowful and Terribly Heartbroken Friend
-------------------
She was seated at the kitchen table, absently chewing on the eraser at the end of her pencil when Walter came crashing in through the front door of Betty's still-new apartment. "Well?" He cried.
"Walter, you're early!" She grinned at him and set her pencil down. "I wasn't expecting you until..."
"Until you had a chance to think up a good lie?" He wagged a finger at her. "I told you, Betty. I knew this was gonna happen since I saw him at your house. The way he looked at you... But I didn't think that you'd just... how could you do this to me, Betty? How could you do this to us?"
She said, "Walter, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Uh huh. Right. I bet you think I don't know about your secret island tryst. Just poor clueless Walter sitting at home drinking kool-aid while you're out having some torrid affair. Well guess what, Betty. I do know."
There was the sound of shuffling, and then Daniel Meade emerged from her bedroom. He looked back and forth between the two. Back and forth again. "Is there a problem here? Betty?"
"Oh my God. He's in your bedroom, now?" Walter turned to Daniel. "You don't waste any time, do you. The minute I'm gone you just move yourself right in. Well you think you can just steal a man's girl and damn the consequences? Well, you're wrong, mister." Walter pulled up a sleeve. "You know what, fight me."
Daniel raised his hands into the air and laughed. "I'm not going to fight you."
"Fight me, dammit." He shoved up the other sleeve.
"Walter!" Betty cried from her seat, "What do you think you're doing. Are you crazy? You can't just go around picking fights with my boss! You're going to get me fired."
Walter looked at her. "Oh, is that how he got you into his bed? Did he threaten your job?" To Daniel's face, he repeated the, "Did you threaten her job if she didn't jump in the sack with you?"
"No... no, I can safely say that I did not say that."
"Next you'll say that the single suite wasn't planned, either. That you didn't purposely call the hotel and cancel one of the rooms!"
"Ugh!" Betty shut her eyes. "Walter, I made the arrangements myself. He didn't even know where we were staying until we arrived in Costa Rica. How could he have possibly cancelled a room?"
"You... you...” He clenched and unclenched his fists., “You're telling me he was a perfect gentleman. He slept every night on the couch? I bet you don't know about the secret bribes to the chefs!" He looked to her for a response, but it was Daniel who spoke next.
"Well, I don't know how you know about this," he acknowledged, "But I didn't actually sleep every night on the couch. And I did speak privately with the chefs." He sighed.
"See?" Walter demanded. "He admits it!"
"I admit that I have a food allergy and some plants grown in Central America make me sick to my stomach. I asked them if they could get around certain ingredients, and they agreed, but I guess they weren't careful enough and I spent a good portion that night hugging the porcelin. I didn't tell you because... well, I was just a little bit embarrassed." He dropped his head.
"Daniel... I wish I'd have known..." Betty sighed, then glared at Walter. "Are you happy now?"
"Am I... no! I'm not happy. Maybe there's a good excuse for that, but there's no explanation that can take this away!" And with that, he pulled out a picture from his coat. Daniel glanced at the crumpled image and frowned.
"He's right, Betty. That's us." He snatched it and held it up to view more clearly. "Just as you were breaking your leg, actually. Remember, you were in the phone booth calling up ah, Walter, I believe. Long distance. When he didn't answer, you turned back to leave and nearly tripped."
"And you saved me," she said with a nod. "Of course I rememeber."
"I didn't... I just caught you before you fell. I mean, we still had to take you to the hospital, Betty. So they could put on that cast."
From her seat, she extended stared at the white cast wrapped around her foot. "I still can't believe how big it is. My injury did not look that bad. But don't worry, it's not going to seriously affect my work. I promise, Daniel."
"I told you, I want you taking it easy until you're healed. You're the one who said how stressful it was the last time you had to wear a cast and how good it felt when it came off. I don't want you going through that again."
“W-w-what a minute!” Walter interrupted their exchange and looked at Betty. “You broke your leg?”
“What did you think you I wanted to tell you? I didn't want to worry you by writing it in a postcard.” Her voice adopted an angry tone. “And how did you get that picture, anyway? Were you spying on me, Walter? You took the time to go all the way to Costa Rica just to see what I was doing? And then, you didn't even come and see me when I was in the hospital?”
He blinked, and glanced at Daniel, who shook his head. “No, I didn't. I mean, I kept getting mail, and-”
“I think you should leave.” Betty struggled to stand, and Daniel appeared at her side to lend her support. She braced herself and said, “This is worse than when you slept with Gina. I can't believe you could do this. And then, on top of it all, to come here when Daniel is helping me carry my things in - because I can't walk - and to threaten to fight him? Good night, Walter. Don't come back..”
She followed him out the door, but just before she could close it completely, he shoved his face between the wood and the wall. “What about the last afternoon,” he said, “You didn't even go to the convention. You stayed in and -”
“Daniel gave us the day off because I'd been injured.” She said. “We stayed in and had a Scrabble marathon. Something you would never do with me.”
The door was shut in his face. He blinked and wondered how it had come to this. Wasn't he supposed to be the one with the moral high ground? Except suddenly, he was out of evidence and not entirely sure why he'd thought he had any in the first place.
Then the door re-opened and for one shinning second, he believed he'd been given a reprieve. But it was Daniel. He handed Walter the wrinkled picture of falling Betty in the phonebooth and explained, in a quiet voice. “For the memory. From an anonymous friend.” He winked, and Walter was shut out once more.
----------------
The small crowd at Mode Magazine gathered around the phone when it rang. With a labored sigh, the blonde and lone woman in the four-person-party reached over and switched on the speaker phone. “Meade Publications.”
“...Have you been drinking champagne?”
“Uh, no.” She blew at her nails.
“Well. You should start.” The phone clicked off and a slow smile spread across Amanda's face.
Turning to her company, she said. “I guess this means I won't be taking any more dictations from Costa Rica.”
Marc flipped up the collar of his expensive trench coat. “Can I still wear this if I'm not delivering letters to Queens?”
Justin frowned. “Hey, I was the one who was sneaking the notes into Walter's mail. You know how many times I had to pretend to be visiting him?”
“Can I still secretly fly to Costa Rica on Meade's credit card?” Vincent sighed as he popped open a bottle of champagne, which appeared to have magically materialized in his hands. “Come on, let's share a drink. To Betty and better prospects. She deserves it.”
“To us,” Amanda corrected. “We deserve it.”
Author: comeon_eileen
Rating: G for Gosh, Daniel should ALWAYS lay on tables with takeout
Characters: Walter, Betty, Daniel, and others
Notes: This is like tennis, only better because I can be lazy and write/post from my bed. I continue to acknowledge snarky_kat for inviting me to play. And you all! Because your feedback has been oh, so very awesome to receive.
option one option two option three
---
Dear Walter,
We just arrived in Costa Rica today. The hotel is so fancy and everyone is really nice! The only problem is that they accidentally booked a single suite for us instead of two, and because of the convention, there are no free rooms. Daniel says not to worry, we'll manage. Anyway, I'm sorry I can't share this experience with you in person, but this is a business trip and Daniel says we're going to be extremely busy. Still, I promise to write so often it'll feel like you're here! (Plus, Daniel's sending the postcards express, so we don't have to wait for international mail - yay!)
Always Love, Betty
---
Walter
It is no accident that your girlfriend and her employer are sharing the same suite. I have enclosed for your ears only a recorded conversation of Meade, in fact, cancelling the extra room. Be wary. He's trying to steal her from you. Meade's last assistant testifies that she too was seduced on a 'business trip' to Costa Rica. She claims he will move next to the gift shop.
From, An Anonymous Friend
---
Dear Walter,
Daniel bought me the cutest thing at the gift shop today. I mean, it wasn't anything huge, just this little snow globe necklace, but it lights up when you hold it upside down and my name is written on the top and I love it! I wasn't going to let him get it, but he made this whole speech about how he never gets to express his appreciation for me and I finally caved. Anyways, we're off to attend a workshop now, so I'll write again later!
Love, Betty
---
Oh, Walter:
Betty and Meade were seen sharing dinner at the Ariadne Cafe. The chefs inside confessed to me that they were paid to replace typical ingredients in hard-to-pronounce dishes with known aphrodisiacs; oysters, kava kava, damiana, etc.
Be strong, Hoping to Help for Your Sake
---
Dear Walter,
Yesterday evening was fairly uneventful. Daniel and I had dinner and discussed some of the things we'd picked up from the workshop (I won't bore you with details). The food was okay, I guess, although some of it tasted kind of strange at first. Daniel said I should try it anyway and refine my palate, so I did and after a few bites I kind of relaxed and started to actually enjoy it. I guess sometimes he does have good advice.
Thinking of You, Betty
---
Poor Walter:
I have it on good authority that Meade did not sleep on the couch last night. Enclosed is a set of photographs of the empty couch, time-stamped for each hour between midnight and seven in the morning.
There's still hope, Your Inside-Man
---
Dear Walter,
Sorry I didn't send a postcard earlier this morning! I feel so guilty. I must have forgotten to set the alarm last night and so I didn't wake up until late. Daniel said it was fine. He was really tired, too. Anyway, I'll get back to you again after today's speeches.
Affectionately, Betty
---
Saddest Walter:
I'm sorry to write that your girlfriend was publically seen in the arms of Meade. They no longer try to hide their actions. I have provided a picture. What they were doing so close together in the phonebooth, I'd rather not speculate.
Drearily, Your Rock in a Hard Time
---
Dear Walter,
Today has been crazy. I will write and explain tomorrow, when I have a more clear head. I hope you're doing well. I do miss you.
Until Later, Betty
---
Tragic Walter,
I fear by the time the trip ends, your Betty will be gone forever. Meade seems set on corrupting her completely. I heard what I could of a conversation between the two, while they shared martinis in a lounge - in the morning, and nowhere near the conference center. She twice marveled at "how much bigger it is" than she thought it would be - how "good it felt" and - mostly tragically - how "Walter would never have tried that".
Apologetically, Losing All Hope for You and Yours
---
Dear Walter,
I have news, but I think I should tell you in person. I won't be gone very much longer. In the meantime, I just want to say that I hope you everything is going good at work and stuff.
Bye, Betty
---
Oh, Abandoned Walter, doomed to solitude,
We have lost the war, failed before we'd truly begun to fight. She has succumbed to him, completely and utterly. After their drinks, they returned to their suite and drew the blinds and were not seen the rest of the evening or night. I must note that she did not mail you a second postcard, as has been her habit. My heart is heavy for you. I can only suggest that you strive for civility when they return.
Desperately Disheartened,
Your Sorrowful and Terribly Heartbroken Friend
-------------------
She was seated at the kitchen table, absently chewing on the eraser at the end of her pencil when Walter came crashing in through the front door of Betty's still-new apartment. "Well?" He cried.
"Walter, you're early!" She grinned at him and set her pencil down. "I wasn't expecting you until..."
"Until you had a chance to think up a good lie?" He wagged a finger at her. "I told you, Betty. I knew this was gonna happen since I saw him at your house. The way he looked at you... But I didn't think that you'd just... how could you do this to me, Betty? How could you do this to us?"
She said, "Walter, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Uh huh. Right. I bet you think I don't know about your secret island tryst. Just poor clueless Walter sitting at home drinking kool-aid while you're out having some torrid affair. Well guess what, Betty. I do know."
There was the sound of shuffling, and then Daniel Meade emerged from her bedroom. He looked back and forth between the two. Back and forth again. "Is there a problem here? Betty?"
"Oh my God. He's in your bedroom, now?" Walter turned to Daniel. "You don't waste any time, do you. The minute I'm gone you just move yourself right in. Well you think you can just steal a man's girl and damn the consequences? Well, you're wrong, mister." Walter pulled up a sleeve. "You know what, fight me."
Daniel raised his hands into the air and laughed. "I'm not going to fight you."
"Fight me, dammit." He shoved up the other sleeve.
"Walter!" Betty cried from her seat, "What do you think you're doing. Are you crazy? You can't just go around picking fights with my boss! You're going to get me fired."
Walter looked at her. "Oh, is that how he got you into his bed? Did he threaten your job?" To Daniel's face, he repeated the, "Did you threaten her job if she didn't jump in the sack with you?"
"No... no, I can safely say that I did not say that."
"Next you'll say that the single suite wasn't planned, either. That you didn't purposely call the hotel and cancel one of the rooms!"
"Ugh!" Betty shut her eyes. "Walter, I made the arrangements myself. He didn't even know where we were staying until we arrived in Costa Rica. How could he have possibly cancelled a room?"
"You... you...” He clenched and unclenched his fists., “You're telling me he was a perfect gentleman. He slept every night on the couch? I bet you don't know about the secret bribes to the chefs!" He looked to her for a response, but it was Daniel who spoke next.
"Well, I don't know how you know about this," he acknowledged, "But I didn't actually sleep every night on the couch. And I did speak privately with the chefs." He sighed.
"See?" Walter demanded. "He admits it!"
"I admit that I have a food allergy and some plants grown in Central America make me sick to my stomach. I asked them if they could get around certain ingredients, and they agreed, but I guess they weren't careful enough and I spent a good portion that night hugging the porcelin. I didn't tell you because... well, I was just a little bit embarrassed." He dropped his head.
"Daniel... I wish I'd have known..." Betty sighed, then glared at Walter. "Are you happy now?"
"Am I... no! I'm not happy. Maybe there's a good excuse for that, but there's no explanation that can take this away!" And with that, he pulled out a picture from his coat. Daniel glanced at the crumpled image and frowned.
"He's right, Betty. That's us." He snatched it and held it up to view more clearly. "Just as you were breaking your leg, actually. Remember, you were in the phone booth calling up ah, Walter, I believe. Long distance. When he didn't answer, you turned back to leave and nearly tripped."
"And you saved me," she said with a nod. "Of course I rememeber."
"I didn't... I just caught you before you fell. I mean, we still had to take you to the hospital, Betty. So they could put on that cast."
From her seat, she extended stared at the white cast wrapped around her foot. "I still can't believe how big it is. My injury did not look that bad. But don't worry, it's not going to seriously affect my work. I promise, Daniel."
"I told you, I want you taking it easy until you're healed. You're the one who said how stressful it was the last time you had to wear a cast and how good it felt when it came off. I don't want you going through that again."
“W-w-what a minute!” Walter interrupted their exchange and looked at Betty. “You broke your leg?”
“What did you think you I wanted to tell you? I didn't want to worry you by writing it in a postcard.” Her voice adopted an angry tone. “And how did you get that picture, anyway? Were you spying on me, Walter? You took the time to go all the way to Costa Rica just to see what I was doing? And then, you didn't even come and see me when I was in the hospital?”
He blinked, and glanced at Daniel, who shook his head. “No, I didn't. I mean, I kept getting mail, and-”
“I think you should leave.” Betty struggled to stand, and Daniel appeared at her side to lend her support. She braced herself and said, “This is worse than when you slept with Gina. I can't believe you could do this. And then, on top of it all, to come here when Daniel is helping me carry my things in - because I can't walk - and to threaten to fight him? Good night, Walter. Don't come back..”
She followed him out the door, but just before she could close it completely, he shoved his face between the wood and the wall. “What about the last afternoon,” he said, “You didn't even go to the convention. You stayed in and -”
“Daniel gave us the day off because I'd been injured.” She said. “We stayed in and had a Scrabble marathon. Something you would never do with me.”
The door was shut in his face. He blinked and wondered how it had come to this. Wasn't he supposed to be the one with the moral high ground? Except suddenly, he was out of evidence and not entirely sure why he'd thought he had any in the first place.
Then the door re-opened and for one shinning second, he believed he'd been given a reprieve. But it was Daniel. He handed Walter the wrinkled picture of falling Betty in the phonebooth and explained, in a quiet voice. “For the memory. From an anonymous friend.” He winked, and Walter was shut out once more.
----------------
The small crowd at Mode Magazine gathered around the phone when it rang. With a labored sigh, the blonde and lone woman in the four-person-party reached over and switched on the speaker phone. “Meade Publications.”
“...Have you been drinking champagne?”
“Uh, no.” She blew at her nails.
“Well. You should start.” The phone clicked off and a slow smile spread across Amanda's face.
Turning to her company, she said. “I guess this means I won't be taking any more dictations from Costa Rica.”
Marc flipped up the collar of his expensive trench coat. “Can I still wear this if I'm not delivering letters to Queens?”
Justin frowned. “Hey, I was the one who was sneaking the notes into Walter's mail. You know how many times I had to pretend to be visiting him?”
“Can I still secretly fly to Costa Rica on Meade's credit card?” Vincent sighed as he popped open a bottle of champagne, which appeared to have magically materialized in his hands. “Come on, let's share a drink. To Betty and better prospects. She deserves it.”
“To us,” Amanda corrected. “We deserve it.”