(no subject)
In the last few months, through experience i've learned many valuable lessons. I'm glad i've learned them. I've come to realize that the source of my final problem is someone who left my life a very long time ago. That person who even til this day i think about on a daily basis. The person who last night, found myself tearing over before i went to sleep. Her departure was for the better though.
Thanks to vanessa hurting my heart by telling me the truth over and over i've been able to see the light. Though as much as i told her to never mention her ever again she did. But i am gracious. Without that tough love that you've showed me i wouldnt be where i am today. You've removed all doubt from my mind and for that i am thankful. Going into those doubts would be pointless so i will move right along. I can say this though, the matter is dead. I know all i've needed to know about the girl who i fell for is known. No more is needed. All hope is lost, true freedom comes as a result of losing all hope. I am free, this chapter in the story of my life is closed.
So now here i am, all the pain i suffered at the hands of this person (wether blatant or indirectly) is done. Upon healing I've become a much stronger person. It is a double edged sword though. My strength came at the price of losing my "security." I find it very hard to actually like a girl nowadays. I lose interest very quick. There are a'lot of girls who i find myself very attracted to. But i only want ass from them. Nothing less, Nothing more.
On the other hand, while i'm not scared to talk 2 a random female, i find it very hard to make conversation with the average girl. I KNOW theyre attracted to me yet most of the time, beginning convo is damn near impossible.
now i've got a good number of female aqquaintances in school, but that's because most have approached me. Out of all the the girls that i know, about 2 of them i've actually approached myself. I know i'm not ugly, i'm always getting stared at,given very obvious signals and approached. thing is i have no idea how to "continue" the whole thing.
there was a time in my life when things like this werent a problem, except i was faithful and would never take advantage.
this is where the problem lies. These 2 things about me, they dont match. I could give less of a shit about most of the girls i speak to in school and i only want to fuck most of them. yet i find myself insecure at times. Anyone notice the contradiction here?
I'm working on solving this problem, it goes much deeper than this (lol it's been stopping me from getting ass when the chance was given). Good Fucking night.
Love you nana
Thanks to vanessa hurting my heart by telling me the truth over and over i've been able to see the light. Though as much as i told her to never mention her ever again she did. But i am gracious. Without that tough love that you've showed me i wouldnt be where i am today. You've removed all doubt from my mind and for that i am thankful. Going into those doubts would be pointless so i will move right along. I can say this though, the matter is dead. I know all i've needed to know about the girl who i fell for is known. No more is needed. All hope is lost, true freedom comes as a result of losing all hope. I am free, this chapter in the story of my life is closed.
So now here i am, all the pain i suffered at the hands of this person (wether blatant or indirectly) is done. Upon healing I've become a much stronger person. It is a double edged sword though. My strength came at the price of losing my "security." I find it very hard to actually like a girl nowadays. I lose interest very quick. There are a'lot of girls who i find myself very attracted to. But i only want ass from them. Nothing less, Nothing more.
On the other hand, while i'm not scared to talk 2 a random female, i find it very hard to make conversation with the average girl. I KNOW theyre attracted to me yet most of the time, beginning convo is damn near impossible.
now i've got a good number of female aqquaintances in school, but that's because most have approached me. Out of all the the girls that i know, about 2 of them i've actually approached myself. I know i'm not ugly, i'm always getting stared at,given very obvious signals and approached. thing is i have no idea how to "continue" the whole thing.
there was a time in my life when things like this werent a problem, except i was faithful and would never take advantage.
this is where the problem lies. These 2 things about me, they dont match. I could give less of a shit about most of the girls i speak to in school and i only want to fuck most of them. yet i find myself insecure at times. Anyone notice the contradiction here?
I'm working on solving this problem, it goes much deeper than this (lol it's been stopping me from getting ass when the chance was given). Good Fucking night.
Love you nana