Why Genevra will Remember to Wear Trousers, or; Also, we're going to Pick me out a Knife.
Well, last night was interesting.
Hung out at Jonathan's. Between the four of us--Jonathan, myself, Eric, and Emily Love--we bought four pizzas. Jonathan and I watched some World of Whorecraft(fantastically awful), and I studied for my motorcycle permit test, and he did his Japanese for the evening, and we mostly just were there. The hour grew late, Eric left to catch the bus, Emily went to bed, and I got up to leave.
Thought about my pizza. Thought But it's late, and it's not wise to carry anything that might cause trouble if I've got to run. I think like that all the time, which is probably sensible.
Said goodbye to Jonathan, left his apartment.
Halfway down the stairs, tired--which is not an excuse but an explanation--I thought I should have changed into my blue jeans again, instead of the shorts. But Jonathan was so sleepy that I didn't do as impulse demanded, which was to turn around again, walk back up the stairs, and ask to use his bathroom to change clothes. Just left.
Not as wise, perhaps, and it resulted in my causing him to have less sleep anyway.
Because.
I was about five minutes hard walking from his apartment when I noticed something odd. The street was fairly empty, normal enough for the hour, but in the middle of a parking lot--not in a space, just in the middle--just across the street from me there was a minivan. Its engine was on, but there were no lights on at all.
I got an instant sort of "Hmm" feeling, wary. Couldn't exactly say why. But as I passed it, the headlights came on, and very slowly it pulled out of the parking lot.
They weren't looking at a map, I thought, their interior lights were off. And there had been no cell phone glow on the driver's face, so it can't have been that. I paused, turned up stoop to an apartment building, feigned tying my shoe. Down on street level, they went by me at walking speed, then went to the next closest intersection and waited at the light.
Okay. They are just lost, or something. I dusted my knee and rose, stepped back into the sidewalk.
And they stopped, and turned around, and waited in the middle of the street. Just in the middle of a three-way intersection, with the streetlights flashing above them on all sides. Facing me.
Right. I took a single step back, considering. There was no one on the street. Two blocks or so up, long blocks, there was a bar; nothing else was open or had people, and it wasn't kicking-out time yet so I couldn't reasonably expect pedestrians.
Seconds passed, while they waited, and I thought. And then I stepped back up a few of the concrete stairs.
They pulled back into the road, facing me still, and came up a little ways, and parked. Headlights on, interior lights off, at a place where they could still see me.
I stepped back up a few more steps, now probably about thirty feet from the road, 'til I was fairly sure I was invisible to them.
And they pulled out of their parking space on the side of the street, and around a few parked cars, and parked again where they could see me.
Hmm.
I could have been overreacting. I am not the sort to leap at shadows, and I've made that walk a couple of hundred times, many of them in the dark, most of them alone. But. This felt way wrong, and even if they weren't paying any attention to me at all, even if it was all just coincidence(but once is happenstance, twice coincidence, and three times enemy action), I decided not to just step out into the road again.
So I called Jonathan instead.
And Jonathan came out and walked me home.
By the time he arrived, the van was gone. I'd moved back, as I talked to him on the phone, so that I couldn't see them and hopefully they couldn't see me(If you can see the enemy, the enemy can see you; just because you cannot see the enemy does not mean the enemy cannot see you), and when he came up to me there was nothing there to see. So I felt a bit stupid.
Not stupid enough to not do the same thing again, however.
He walked me most of the way, and then I called Julian and told him what was up and why I was later than usual. I am very, very glad I finally buckled down and got myself a cell phone.
And God damn it, I'm going to start remembering to change into clothing that doesn't scream "Victim! Victim! Rape me now!" when it's dark out. I like having skin, I like wearing very-shorts, but it's not like I'm not aware of the effect they can have, and everything is different at night. Men aren't predators, but some predators are men...I used to keep walking-out clothes for this purpose, stuff that flattened what little bust I've got and hid my ass and made me--if I tucked my hair up, which I did--look like a boy. Perhaps I'd best consider getting some more.
--Gen
Hung out at Jonathan's. Between the four of us--Jonathan, myself, Eric, and Emily Love--we bought four pizzas. Jonathan and I watched some World of Whorecraft(fantastically awful), and I studied for my motorcycle permit test, and he did his Japanese for the evening, and we mostly just were there. The hour grew late, Eric left to catch the bus, Emily went to bed, and I got up to leave.
Thought about my pizza. Thought But it's late, and it's not wise to carry anything that might cause trouble if I've got to run. I think like that all the time, which is probably sensible.
Said goodbye to Jonathan, left his apartment.
Halfway down the stairs, tired--which is not an excuse but an explanation--I thought I should have changed into my blue jeans again, instead of the shorts. But Jonathan was so sleepy that I didn't do as impulse demanded, which was to turn around again, walk back up the stairs, and ask to use his bathroom to change clothes. Just left.
Not as wise, perhaps, and it resulted in my causing him to have less sleep anyway.
Because.
I was about five minutes hard walking from his apartment when I noticed something odd. The street was fairly empty, normal enough for the hour, but in the middle of a parking lot--not in a space, just in the middle--just across the street from me there was a minivan. Its engine was on, but there were no lights on at all.
I got an instant sort of "Hmm" feeling, wary. Couldn't exactly say why. But as I passed it, the headlights came on, and very slowly it pulled out of the parking lot.
They weren't looking at a map, I thought, their interior lights were off. And there had been no cell phone glow on the driver's face, so it can't have been that. I paused, turned up stoop to an apartment building, feigned tying my shoe. Down on street level, they went by me at walking speed, then went to the next closest intersection and waited at the light.
Okay. They are just lost, or something. I dusted my knee and rose, stepped back into the sidewalk.
And they stopped, and turned around, and waited in the middle of the street. Just in the middle of a three-way intersection, with the streetlights flashing above them on all sides. Facing me.
Right. I took a single step back, considering. There was no one on the street. Two blocks or so up, long blocks, there was a bar; nothing else was open or had people, and it wasn't kicking-out time yet so I couldn't reasonably expect pedestrians.
Seconds passed, while they waited, and I thought. And then I stepped back up a few of the concrete stairs.
They pulled back into the road, facing me still, and came up a little ways, and parked. Headlights on, interior lights off, at a place where they could still see me.
I stepped back up a few more steps, now probably about thirty feet from the road, 'til I was fairly sure I was invisible to them.
And they pulled out of their parking space on the side of the street, and around a few parked cars, and parked again where they could see me.
Hmm.
I could have been overreacting. I am not the sort to leap at shadows, and I've made that walk a couple of hundred times, many of them in the dark, most of them alone. But. This felt way wrong, and even if they weren't paying any attention to me at all, even if it was all just coincidence(but once is happenstance, twice coincidence, and three times enemy action), I decided not to just step out into the road again.
So I called Jonathan instead.
And Jonathan came out and walked me home.
By the time he arrived, the van was gone. I'd moved back, as I talked to him on the phone, so that I couldn't see them and hopefully they couldn't see me(If you can see the enemy, the enemy can see you; just because you cannot see the enemy does not mean the enemy cannot see you), and when he came up to me there was nothing there to see. So I felt a bit stupid.
Not stupid enough to not do the same thing again, however.
He walked me most of the way, and then I called Julian and told him what was up and why I was later than usual. I am very, very glad I finally buckled down and got myself a cell phone.
And God damn it, I'm going to start remembering to change into clothing that doesn't scream "Victim! Victim! Rape me now!" when it's dark out. I like having skin, I like wearing very-shorts, but it's not like I'm not aware of the effect they can have, and everything is different at night. Men aren't predators, but some predators are men...I used to keep walking-out clothes for this purpose, stuff that flattened what little bust I've got and hid my ass and made me--if I tucked my hair up, which I did--look like a boy. Perhaps I'd best consider getting some more.
--Gen