FIC: KHR, more 3369 junk
Title: Because the Devil Doesn’t Want Him
Series: KHR
Pairing/Characters: Ryohei, Mukuro. 3369 if you really, really want it to be.
Words: ~1610
Rating: GenGenGen.
Summary: Mukuro and Ryohei go to Hell.
Notes: So I like to think this is what The Inferno would have been like if Dante were mentally handicapped and Virgil was a snarky bastard. And yeah, I know Mukuro being based off of Buddhist mythology and all, I probably should have worked something like that in instead, but 1) I’ve read the Divine Comedy way too many times, and 2) I don’t wanna. Also, this would be funnier if I could write. Probably. All characters property of Amano Akira.
For weeks, heck, months even, he’s been asking for this: take me to your house. Mukuro brushes him off, develops a funny sort of hearing problem whenever Ryohei mentions it, like the boxer’s voice is at a pitch too high for humans to hear or something (and it’s totally not, because it’s way deep and manly, so obviously the problem’s got to be with Mukuro’s ears), or he just disappears altogether, leaving Chrome blinking and looking mildly surprised, always like she’d been in the middle of doing something (though what there is to do inside Mukuro’s head, or wherever it is she goes, Ryohei’s not sure).
But finally, one summer morning after tracking the other boy down to that weird abandoned warehouse thing he seems to like hanging out in, and then dragging him back and forth across Namimori, pointing out the three different houses Ryohei has lived in (and climbing over a fence to show Mukuro the hole Ryohei accidentally punched in their old living room wall one time, before getting chased away by the new owner’s extremely vicious Shih-Tzu), every boxing club and gym he’s ever worked out in, his favorite sports equipment stores, this place that makes these like amazingly delicious protein-packed fruit smoothies, and the park bench where he had to rest one morning after his run when he got bitten by a squirrel, Mukuro caves.
“You want to see my home?” he asks, but his voice is all funny, like low and rough, and he doesn’t seem to care about the enthusiastic shout of ‘heck yeah!’ he gets in return. “Now, Sasagawa Ryohei, what makes you think I’d show you that? Oh, I’m sure you’ll go someday, but that’s not the kind of thing I’d rush, if I were you.”
“What? But I’ve been waiting an extremely long time! Why can’t we go now?”
“You want me to take you home, then? How forward.” Mukuro’s face lightens, and he turns away with his usual sleepy-eyed expression, the one that reminds Ryohei of the people who pass out when they’re talking and eating driving into oncoming traffic and stuff.
“Well, yeah, even though I extremely don’t know what you mean by that, but I really wanna see the place you live!”
“Live? I wouldn’t say that. It’s something of a resting place, for me, anyway.” Mukuro smiles, lips curving into something unpleasant like one of those Jack-o-Lanterns that have been out in the sun too long.
“Ok, yeah, whatever you wanna call it. Can I see?”
“Well, if you insist. Though you can’t say I didn’t warn you,”
It goes kind of funny and dark after that, and Ryohei’s not sure how it happened, but here they are, in Mukuro’s house. Not that it’s really house-like. There don’t seem to be any walls, and it’s kind of dim and smoky, and no matter what Mukuro says, Ryohei’s pretty certain that all the fire and people screaming in the background are kind of weird, and not a ‘natural feature of the landscape’, or whatever Mukuro called it, but it’s totally not extreme to be judgmental just because someone lives in a funny house, so he smiles politely, takes the cup of water Mukuro scoops from this weird river that seems to flow through what is apparently the living room, and drinks it.
“Well, that’s done then.” Mukuro says. “Wait here for Charon.”
He turns to go and Ryohei grabs his wrist.
“But aren’t you going to give me a tour or something? That’s like totally not polite to bring me here and then just leave me hanging.”
“What?” Mukuro’s staring at him strangely, like there’s something growing out of Ryohei’s head. “Do you know your name?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m Sasagawa Ryohei! Did you hit your head or something while I wasn’t looking? ‘Cause I know I told you that before, so maybe we should go the emergency room, in case there’s something wrong with your brain.”
Mukuro sighs. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the waters of Lethe have no effect on an imbecile like you.”
“Uh, ok. So are you going to show me your house or what?”
“…Oh, why not? It’s not like you’re going anywhere now.”
So Mukuro takes Ryohei on a tour of the extremely weird place, and some of it’s really nice- like the Elysian Fields, which is full of people from the time when religions knew how to have fun, according to Mukuro- and some of it is pretty freaky- like this place called the City of Dis, which was full of all kinds of things that Ryohei tried really hard not to look too closely at, ‘cause it was sort of like those late night movies Kyoko says he shouldn’t watch- and who has a whole city in their house anyway?- but Mukuro seems at home here, skipping over burning pits of magma (totally extreme; Ryohei definitely wants one of those for his house), and pointing out all his favorite things.
“There, just beyond that person getting trampled by centaurs is The Great Lake. It’s where all the rivers here drain off into. The damned souls always try to drink from it, but it’s poisoned. Tastes of rotted corpses and cheap diet soda, or so I’m told.”
Ryohei nods politely.
“And do you see the ground? The way it slopes downward? You see, it’s modeled after a Venus flytrap- when someone tries to get to the shore they slide down the bank, as it’s quite slippery, but they can’t get back up, and they’re stuck with the poisoned water- which is also quite acidic, by the way. Of course, I designed that myself.”
Ryohei nods politely.
Mukuro turns a thoughtful eye on him, tapping a finger against his lips. “I suppose there is one more thing I could show you. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had a willing audience, after all.”
He strolls across a stone walkway, beckoning for Ryohei to follow, and opens a pair of heavy gates. They step out into a bare courtyard, littered with bones that might have belonged to some prehistoric beast- where does he get all this stuff? Ryohei has got to admit that this is some extreme home decorating- and Mukuro whistles.
It takes a minute before something happens, the two of them standing together in the dust, Ryohei trying to be a good houseguest and not mention the ever-increasing stench of sulfur, and then there’s a distant, deep rumble. Ryohei looks to the sky, thinking about indoor storms and fog machines, and it turns out that the rumble’s not so distant after all. Something jumps over the wall surrounding them, something that looks like a parade float with teeth, and skids to a halt in front of Mukuro.
“Did you miss me?” He asks, putting a spindly hand on the thing’s head. “You must have been terribly lonely, but you know I have work to do.” He seems to remember Ryohei, and smiles. “Sasagawa, meet Cerberus.”
The thing barks. Ryohei falls over. He’s not entirely sure, but he thinks one of his eardrums might have just exploded.
“It is EXTREMELY nice to meet you!” He calls out, wondering when his voice began to echo like that.
The thing barks again, and Mukuro plucks a fuzzy indistinct mass from the air around them and throws it over the wall.
“Fetch boy!” He yells, and Ryohei watches as the three headed dog- TOTALLY EXTREME PET- chases after it, racing away and back through the smoke.
“What’s that thing in its mouth, anyway?” he asks.
“Oh, a damned soul,” Mukuro replies. “It may be an eternity of punishment for them, but Cerberus enjoys it so.” The monster dog whines, tails wagging, and Ryohei can’t help but smile. A boy and his dog.
It is extremely cute.
He says as much, stroking the flank of the dog- or trying to, it’s pretty high up there above his head- must be one of those wolfhound breeds; he’s heard they’re pretty big- and Mukuro gives him a bemused look.
“You think so?” he asks.
“Yeah, they say everybody’s got a soft spot, I guess yours is animals, huh? Or big, three-story building, flame-breathing, soul-eating animals, anyway- totally awesome to the limit, by the way. What kind of pet store you get those at? Kyoko’s birthday is coming up; do they come in kittens?”
He says it all in one breath, and Mukuro blinks, reflexively tossing another soul when Cerberus’ sedan-sized muzzles nudge him. Ryohei watches it fade in the distance, tiny scream echoing after it.
“Puppies would be OK, too,” he adds. “Kyoko’s not picky.”
“I think I liked you better when you were alive.” Mukuro says after a long moment.
Ryohei’s about to ask about that- ‘cause if Mukuro likes him maybe that means he wants to join the Boxing Club?- but then the other boy mutters something about Hell not being big enough for the both of them, and before he knows it Ryohei’s laying on the ground, looking up at a crowd of people, head pounding. He sits up, sways, falls, sits up again, and looks around. No smoke, no fire, no shrieks or cries, no dog shaped like a city bus, no funny-eyed Mist guy.
“OK, then!” He calls, climbing to his feet. “Guess I’ll see you again soon! I’m gonna go look for some pet stores now, but you know where to find me!” Then Ryohei jogs away, leaving a small crowd of people staring after him, muttering and wondering what they’ve just witnessed.
And somewhere deep, deep in Hell, Mukuro wishes, very fervently, that Ryohei will live forever.
Series: KHR
Pairing/Characters: Ryohei, Mukuro. 3369 if you really, really want it to be.
Words: ~1610
Rating: GenGenGen.
Summary: Mukuro and Ryohei go to Hell.
Notes: So I like to think this is what The Inferno would have been like if Dante were mentally handicapped and Virgil was a snarky bastard. And yeah, I know Mukuro being based off of Buddhist mythology and all, I probably should have worked something like that in instead, but 1) I’ve read the Divine Comedy way too many times, and 2) I don’t wanna. Also, this would be funnier if I could write. Probably. All characters property of Amano Akira.
For weeks, heck, months even, he’s been asking for this: take me to your house. Mukuro brushes him off, develops a funny sort of hearing problem whenever Ryohei mentions it, like the boxer’s voice is at a pitch too high for humans to hear or something (and it’s totally not, because it’s way deep and manly, so obviously the problem’s got to be with Mukuro’s ears), or he just disappears altogether, leaving Chrome blinking and looking mildly surprised, always like she’d been in the middle of doing something (though what there is to do inside Mukuro’s head, or wherever it is she goes, Ryohei’s not sure).
But finally, one summer morning after tracking the other boy down to that weird abandoned warehouse thing he seems to like hanging out in, and then dragging him back and forth across Namimori, pointing out the three different houses Ryohei has lived in (and climbing over a fence to show Mukuro the hole Ryohei accidentally punched in their old living room wall one time, before getting chased away by the new owner’s extremely vicious Shih-Tzu), every boxing club and gym he’s ever worked out in, his favorite sports equipment stores, this place that makes these like amazingly delicious protein-packed fruit smoothies, and the park bench where he had to rest one morning after his run when he got bitten by a squirrel, Mukuro caves.
“You want to see my home?” he asks, but his voice is all funny, like low and rough, and he doesn’t seem to care about the enthusiastic shout of ‘heck yeah!’ he gets in return. “Now, Sasagawa Ryohei, what makes you think I’d show you that? Oh, I’m sure you’ll go someday, but that’s not the kind of thing I’d rush, if I were you.”
“What? But I’ve been waiting an extremely long time! Why can’t we go now?”
“You want me to take you home, then? How forward.” Mukuro’s face lightens, and he turns away with his usual sleepy-eyed expression, the one that reminds Ryohei of the people who pass out when they’re talking and eating driving into oncoming traffic and stuff.
“Well, yeah, even though I extremely don’t know what you mean by that, but I really wanna see the place you live!”
“Live? I wouldn’t say that. It’s something of a resting place, for me, anyway.” Mukuro smiles, lips curving into something unpleasant like one of those Jack-o-Lanterns that have been out in the sun too long.
“Ok, yeah, whatever you wanna call it. Can I see?”
“Well, if you insist. Though you can’t say I didn’t warn you,”
It goes kind of funny and dark after that, and Ryohei’s not sure how it happened, but here they are, in Mukuro’s house. Not that it’s really house-like. There don’t seem to be any walls, and it’s kind of dim and smoky, and no matter what Mukuro says, Ryohei’s pretty certain that all the fire and people screaming in the background are kind of weird, and not a ‘natural feature of the landscape’, or whatever Mukuro called it, but it’s totally not extreme to be judgmental just because someone lives in a funny house, so he smiles politely, takes the cup of water Mukuro scoops from this weird river that seems to flow through what is apparently the living room, and drinks it.
“Well, that’s done then.” Mukuro says. “Wait here for Charon.”
He turns to go and Ryohei grabs his wrist.
“But aren’t you going to give me a tour or something? That’s like totally not polite to bring me here and then just leave me hanging.”
“What?” Mukuro’s staring at him strangely, like there’s something growing out of Ryohei’s head. “Do you know your name?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m Sasagawa Ryohei! Did you hit your head or something while I wasn’t looking? ‘Cause I know I told you that before, so maybe we should go the emergency room, in case there’s something wrong with your brain.”
Mukuro sighs. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the waters of Lethe have no effect on an imbecile like you.”
“Uh, ok. So are you going to show me your house or what?”
“…Oh, why not? It’s not like you’re going anywhere now.”
So Mukuro takes Ryohei on a tour of the extremely weird place, and some of it’s really nice- like the Elysian Fields, which is full of people from the time when religions knew how to have fun, according to Mukuro- and some of it is pretty freaky- like this place called the City of Dis, which was full of all kinds of things that Ryohei tried really hard not to look too closely at, ‘cause it was sort of like those late night movies Kyoko says he shouldn’t watch- and who has a whole city in their house anyway?- but Mukuro seems at home here, skipping over burning pits of magma (totally extreme; Ryohei definitely wants one of those for his house), and pointing out all his favorite things.
“There, just beyond that person getting trampled by centaurs is The Great Lake. It’s where all the rivers here drain off into. The damned souls always try to drink from it, but it’s poisoned. Tastes of rotted corpses and cheap diet soda, or so I’m told.”
Ryohei nods politely.
“And do you see the ground? The way it slopes downward? You see, it’s modeled after a Venus flytrap- when someone tries to get to the shore they slide down the bank, as it’s quite slippery, but they can’t get back up, and they’re stuck with the poisoned water- which is also quite acidic, by the way. Of course, I designed that myself.”
Ryohei nods politely.
Mukuro turns a thoughtful eye on him, tapping a finger against his lips. “I suppose there is one more thing I could show you. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had a willing audience, after all.”
He strolls across a stone walkway, beckoning for Ryohei to follow, and opens a pair of heavy gates. They step out into a bare courtyard, littered with bones that might have belonged to some prehistoric beast- where does he get all this stuff? Ryohei has got to admit that this is some extreme home decorating- and Mukuro whistles.
It takes a minute before something happens, the two of them standing together in the dust, Ryohei trying to be a good houseguest and not mention the ever-increasing stench of sulfur, and then there’s a distant, deep rumble. Ryohei looks to the sky, thinking about indoor storms and fog machines, and it turns out that the rumble’s not so distant after all. Something jumps over the wall surrounding them, something that looks like a parade float with teeth, and skids to a halt in front of Mukuro.
“Did you miss me?” He asks, putting a spindly hand on the thing’s head. “You must have been terribly lonely, but you know I have work to do.” He seems to remember Ryohei, and smiles. “Sasagawa, meet Cerberus.”
The thing barks. Ryohei falls over. He’s not entirely sure, but he thinks one of his eardrums might have just exploded.
“It is EXTREMELY nice to meet you!” He calls out, wondering when his voice began to echo like that.
The thing barks again, and Mukuro plucks a fuzzy indistinct mass from the air around them and throws it over the wall.
“Fetch boy!” He yells, and Ryohei watches as the three headed dog- TOTALLY EXTREME PET- chases after it, racing away and back through the smoke.
“What’s that thing in its mouth, anyway?” he asks.
“Oh, a damned soul,” Mukuro replies. “It may be an eternity of punishment for them, but Cerberus enjoys it so.” The monster dog whines, tails wagging, and Ryohei can’t help but smile. A boy and his dog.
It is extremely cute.
He says as much, stroking the flank of the dog- or trying to, it’s pretty high up there above his head- must be one of those wolfhound breeds; he’s heard they’re pretty big- and Mukuro gives him a bemused look.
“You think so?” he asks.
“Yeah, they say everybody’s got a soft spot, I guess yours is animals, huh? Or big, three-story building, flame-breathing, soul-eating animals, anyway- totally awesome to the limit, by the way. What kind of pet store you get those at? Kyoko’s birthday is coming up; do they come in kittens?”
He says it all in one breath, and Mukuro blinks, reflexively tossing another soul when Cerberus’ sedan-sized muzzles nudge him. Ryohei watches it fade in the distance, tiny scream echoing after it.
“Puppies would be OK, too,” he adds. “Kyoko’s not picky.”
“I think I liked you better when you were alive.” Mukuro says after a long moment.
Ryohei’s about to ask about that- ‘cause if Mukuro likes him maybe that means he wants to join the Boxing Club?- but then the other boy mutters something about Hell not being big enough for the both of them, and before he knows it Ryohei’s laying on the ground, looking up at a crowd of people, head pounding. He sits up, sways, falls, sits up again, and looks around. No smoke, no fire, no shrieks or cries, no dog shaped like a city bus, no funny-eyed Mist guy.
“OK, then!” He calls, climbing to his feet. “Guess I’ll see you again soon! I’m gonna go look for some pet stores now, but you know where to find me!” Then Ryohei jogs away, leaving a small crowd of people staring after him, muttering and wondering what they’ve just witnessed.
And somewhere deep, deep in Hell, Mukuro wishes, very fervently, that Ryohei will live forever.