Brooding.

[come_and_go]

I don't like this time of year, because despite the exciting rush into summer and away from school, I feel like I've lost friends. I know, it's sort of weird. I just get slightly paranoid and anxiety becomes overwhelming in a different way than it was during school. During school I see everyone from best friends to people I dislike roaming the halls. Summer makes me realize which of those classmates are my close friends and which ones were just acquaintances. The ones who go out of their way to make plans are the ones that want to be around you even when they don't have to be! And it's slightly different than during the school year because then it's just like, "Well I'm here, and you're here, and school was over five minutes ago. Want to hang out?"

And I don't know. Having two jobs gives me something to look forward to - money. I suppose I'll meet new people at work and make new friends, but I'm focused on getting money. And work's also a distraction from the useless anxiety I sometimes feel coming on when I'm sitting idle at home realizing my friends are out. But then again, it makes it worse that I'm kept so busy by work because when I come home I'm suddenly stuck with nothing to do. I think this summer is going to be full of activities at home, like finally redecorating my room that's been "in progress" for over a year.

I mean, I've got a lot to look forward to, as well. I'm making the right moves toward making money to buy a car, I'm going to San Diego in a couple months, and I've got free time to go crazy on my bedroom. It's a lot to be thankful for.

But like I said, I get bored, and then I think, and then I brood. Save me!