Team Day, Prompt: Pop Smoke, the geometry of life: a story in two parts (1/2)

[gkbattle]

Title: the geometry of life: a story in two parts
By: oxoniensis
Prompt: Pop smoke. To leave quickly or hastily; from the method of throwing a smoke grenade to mark a landing zone or conceal a retreat. Can be used to express a desire to leave something.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: A work of fiction based on characters from the HBO miniseries

Comments

[indyhat]

This is the guy LT has put in Brad's Humvee.

Love your Brad voice/POV throughout. Like this an affront to his warrior spirit ;)

in Brad's eyes, lying was acceptable; cheating wasn't.

Really like this. Finding it hard to articulate exactly why, but I do :)

"Gentlemen, Ferrando is unimpressed."

*g* I like to think that nevertheless, Ferrando will dine out on this one for quite a while ;)

Well, apart from Ray, but that's just sheer perverseness on Ray's part.

Even when he's not saying anything, even through the prism of someone else's perspective, Ray is still awesome.

"Just try to make sure he doesn't kill anyone's pet. Wouldn't help foster good relations with the locals."

I love the easy-but-there's-something-else-going-on-too conversations you write between Brad and Nate.

Nate kissing Brad and then leaving is the saddest thing :(

[oxoniensis]

I love the easy-but-there's-something-else-going-on-too conversations you write between Brad and Nate.

I'm just happy that that's the way they come over. I'm never sure if I'm being obvious enough, too obvious, or just the right temperature!

I love reading which are your favourite lines! ♥

[nicolasechs]

This is *killing* me. It's quiet and lovely and so perfectly Brad that it KILLS me.

Also, I think I know who the author is, but whoever you are, I LOVE YOU.

[oxoniensis]

Way to make me happy!!!! :-)

So, were you right? I think everyone else assumed it was just about anyone *but* me!

[nicolasechs]

Ha, I was so right! I just KNEW in my Brad/Nate bones that it was you! Heeee. :D

And thank you again, this was just *incredible*.

ETA: Also, I totally saw past your trick of commenting on your own story. :p

[oxoniensis]

Also, I totally saw past your trick of commenting on your own story. :p

I felt SO stupid doing so! My first comment was so very underwhelmed, it would have looked downright insulting, so I had to rewrite and try to make it something I'd leave for someone else! But even if it didn't fool you, at least it meant I didn't leave a huge clue by commenting on all but one story!

[anamie_me]

oh wow. wow wow. I'm just blown away by your style and language and words. So lovely and evovative and soooo much love for that fist line and this:

The days blur, one into the next. Afterwards he remembers the tedium mostly. The waiting.

And the dust.

There's always dust.

and of course,

Brad wants to run. Needs to, but he's up against his chair and Nate's between him and escape, and all the tactics he's ever learned desert him.

Nate kisses him, soft and quiet, and it's worse than any goodbye could have been.

And then he leaves.

Ouch. Such a sucker punch, and yet breath takingly beautifully written.
♥

[oxoniensis]

You thrilled me to bits with this feedback - thank you so much!

It was *hard* writing Nate walking away like that - only knowing that I was going to make it right in the end let me get those words down!

[veryshortlist]

The way you phrase Brad's thoughts, and conversations between Marines is stellar. I love that you got Ray's voice spot on. Also, the little tidbit about Nate's fear of diving, and Brad wanting to take every course that's offered. He would too.

This is the sort of story I add to memories and revisit from time to time.

[oxoniensis]

I'm so glad the inner Brad moments worked for you. And thrilled to bits that Ray's voice sounded right - I had much beta help from indyhatt on that, so credit to her there.

Thank you!