i wanted to be a ninja when i grew up
i've a new odd habit.
i seem to enjoy picking an insulting word and using it at every opening for the remainder of the day. yesterday, it was psychopath. today it is whiner head. strangely enough, people grin when i hurl my daily insult at them. and that makes them psychopaths. whiner heads... not so much.
what is familiar, what is unfamiliar? i was thinking about that today. well, this morning. i woke up thinking about blindness and deafness. for years i remember thinking i could deal with blindness, but not deafness. i don't feel like getting into the reasons of why just now. i'm tired and cranky, and... a whiner head.
BUT- i did realise today that my fear of deafness stems from experience with it. not my own, but someone i knew/know. one of my cousins is deaf. and as a kid we'd all freak out a little about it. not hearing was beyond comprehension. and, in meanness and childishness, we'd say stupid shit just to prove how deaf she was. then we'd whisper how glad we were it wasn't us.
i also had an uncle who was blind. but he was old and funny. and he laughed a lot. my deaf cousin doesn't laugh much. my uncle lied and said he could see i was wearing blue socks. they were always white- but the routine, it was comfortable. fun. silly. inane. he made his reality not so scary.
my cousin never said she could hear me whistle. she never hollered out randomly that she'd, "heard that!" she didn't make light, and i determined deafness was scary... and blind, was... different. not scary.
i'm rambling.
and now i'm not. whiner heads.
i seem to enjoy picking an insulting word and using it at every opening for the remainder of the day. yesterday, it was psychopath. today it is whiner head. strangely enough, people grin when i hurl my daily insult at them. and that makes them psychopaths. whiner heads... not so much.
what is familiar, what is unfamiliar? i was thinking about that today. well, this morning. i woke up thinking about blindness and deafness. for years i remember thinking i could deal with blindness, but not deafness. i don't feel like getting into the reasons of why just now. i'm tired and cranky, and... a whiner head.
BUT- i did realise today that my fear of deafness stems from experience with it. not my own, but someone i knew/know. one of my cousins is deaf. and as a kid we'd all freak out a little about it. not hearing was beyond comprehension. and, in meanness and childishness, we'd say stupid shit just to prove how deaf she was. then we'd whisper how glad we were it wasn't us.
i also had an uncle who was blind. but he was old and funny. and he laughed a lot. my deaf cousin doesn't laugh much. my uncle lied and said he could see i was wearing blue socks. they were always white- but the routine, it was comfortable. fun. silly. inane. he made his reality not so scary.
my cousin never said she could hear me whistle. she never hollered out randomly that she'd, "heard that!" she didn't make light, and i determined deafness was scary... and blind, was... different. not scary.
i'm rambling.
and now i'm not. whiner heads.