yea so i feel like im a pompous son of a bitch.

[coma_paradigm]

not usually my style. i'm sick of holding things back. i'm sick of rejection. im sick of being weak. i wish i was a bigger asshole. i have trouble saying no. i have trouble keeping my word. i do what i want and i don't give a fuck. few things make me weak. im already weak. i love it when people fuel my fire, i hate it when they throw too much gasoline. what are you trying to do? burn me down? im not the most dependable person on earth but maybe its because i don't feel like i can depend on you. i can be blunt. i can be cryptic. i love switching it up. ill never see some people ever again. i'm nice. i'm not. she loves me. she loves me not. i have the same fears. im wierd. i like to please people. i expect it back. scratch my back. ill do it back if i like you. i got my edge. i lost it. then i got it back. i'm terrified. i not an alanis morissette song. im not an lcd soundsystem song either. i don't know what kind of song i am. but i like joy division. i don't want to fight. i hate confrontation. sometimes i'm a coward. i'll admit it. i feel jaded too. i believe in karma. right now i have bad karma. some day it will be good. i break hearts. i break my own. i know what i want. what do i do after? i hate being clingy. i like being around. i want what i can't reach. i cant sleep. i hate money. i like dobloons. i want to start my own country...in outer space. when i was little i wanted to be an astronaut. then a drummer. my dreams got shattered in 5th grade. i never recovered. my 1st real best friend to this day won't talk to me. i hate having best friends. sometimes i wish communism worked in real life. i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. my brain is unorganized. i don't mean to lie. i like admitting lies. i hate ice breakers. im corny. i hate being corny. i never thought smoking cigarettes was cool. i still need to make a list of things i want to accomplish in my life. i don't write in a notebook. i use livejournal. this is not an lj commercial. some people think im funny. some people think i try too hard. i don't treat everyone fairly. i thought i did. im a ruthless dog. i haven't been depressed in a long time. im bitter. i wish i still knew german. i ruined my chance to make it big fast. i make mistakes...everyday. i don't regret them. i slow play.

i closed tonight, and im opening this morning. im pulling an all-nighter and crashing after i get off work and hopefully ill get woken up by a phone call by 9pm. anyone reading this shouldn't call me. and no this is not reverse psychology. just remember, i feel like a pompous son of a bitch.