exaughsted efforts of love
So there was someone i really cared about that was dear to me that left me. and it is always so hard when you feel like your other half leaves you. but i am sort of relieved because i think i was trying too hard to hold our relationship together. i quite being a vegetarian and spiritual for this person, this person made me horribly afraid of children and getting pregnant, and simply put they didn't love me. but i did learn a lot from them and i am kind of relieved he left me. i have so much to do creatively and spiritually that i suppressed because i was trying to please them with my undying affection.
i want to be a slave to my creativity, i don't want to be a slave to love so i am happy to be free and anxious to rediscover myself and who i am. i am sorry to anyone who i may have disappointed. i may not be moving to California right away, i still need to talk to Natasha, who is sick right now. but i may move with here. i feel like darkness left me though, this person was so mopey and down a lot of the time and i think i was carrying the weight of both of us. i tend to martyr myself for love and forget there is love all around me, there is nothing i have to sacrifice in order to see it's beauty. that is what my god is there for, and all of my friends and kitties that come along. we are here to just be love.