my first 30 yrs a blur.
so here i am finally trying to write a journal that i can complete. So i thought about my first thirty yrs of life and it all seems like a blur to me, to be honest i don't remeeber most of it and it's not because i partied too much or lost some brain cells due to heavy drinking or drugs. The truth is my first thirty yrs i struggled to find myself I bounced form one school to the next, had many people tell me i should be this or that.tell me i should be a suit and tie guy, tell me that if i don't kiss ass i won't get anywhere in life!Furthermore I was never able to dyy my hair get a tattoo or pierce my eyebrow because no one wants to hire someone who isn't clean cut and preppy looking. I was told that theatre is the worst degree to get and i definatley couldn't study music cause neither one will get you anywhere. my whole life all i wanted to do is use my creatvity and perform and use my creativity for good and inspire others. I'm often critcized for still being in school but yet as I look around I see many people my age working thier nine to five jobs coming home unhappy,and stressed out. I also see people my age who have let themselves go and put on alot of weight cause i guess the theory is the older you get the fatter your supose to get. Yet here I am 30 and feeling and looking like i'm a 17 yr old kid,and i think that reason is because I just enjy life and living,yeah i could quit school and get a job that i don't like but i don't want to be like all those talented people who sell themselves short because society says they need to be clean cut and talk proper. I have a friend right now who works for a fancy hotel and he thinks he's got the best job in the world because he makes 6.50 and hr and tips ,mind you he has a associates degree ,but yet they gave him a manual on how he's suppose to talk and act.This guy is suppose to be smarter than me and i'm looked on as the loser cause i'm still in school,but at least i'm who i am i am me,and no one will ever change that. Many of my friends are called losers cause they don't look like society wants them, but ya know what the reason why the world is so messed up is because society wants to try and change people and instead of letting someone be thier own man or woman they want you to be who they think you should be and that sucks! I've never kissed but to get anything nor will i ever ,so yeah my first 30 yrs are a blur cause i fought hard to find myself and now at thirty I finally know who i am and what my purpose is in this life, and my poems,music,theatre,art etc are a part of me and who i am. I may be a loser but at least i'm healty and enjoying life and living it to the fullest instead of just settling and being angry because my job,family or life sucks, maybe people just need to lighten up and stop hating everyone else cause they aren't happy with who they are, I'm a hippy I'm full of love and happiness :)