It would've been a year...

[coltknows]

June 1st... Last year, this day was the best day of my life. I was happier than I ever could've imagined. I had a girlfriend, I was in the most beautiful state, I had lots of fun... I looked back on it this past hour, and I probably will for most of the day. I gave my heart to that woman, and then everything that matters got taken from me bit by

Comments

Re: now's the time to break the silence...

[coltknows]

I'd love to get past my problems, but that requires money. I don't make enough at Acme, and my mom sucks up more than half of every paycheck. I have the rest of your money, which has been sitting in my wallet for weeks. Its taken way too long as it is to get it to ya, and I want that money back in YOUR possession. I've started paying off my medical bill for my wrist. Then I gotta take out loans to build my credit. When credit is good enough, then I can focus on adult financial mumbo jumbo with little worry.

I don't need advice. I already know anything that can be said. What I need is help and support. I've been on your side of the bus plenty of times, but I would never push them away just because I'm annoyed. Take time to breath, yes, but right now, I AM on your side of the bus with another friend (identity protected). This person is going through hell, and I've been trying to help lift some weight off the shoulders, even though mine are occupied as it is. That person has friends AND a relationship and still has trouble dealing with things. It gets frustrating, but I understand what the person is going through.

Look. I know you're annoyed by the negativity. I can't help it. But you're only making it worse. Silence doesn't solve anything! I've said that how many times now? Things have changed since my birthday. Its no longer about why, I'm not just vegetating all the time, you've missed a lot of big updates, and I'm not as negative as you think. I shall elaborate:

Sorry if I sound extra mean, but you want a positive Colt, and it takes the same fluid to run both sides of one battery. In my case, I have a lot of aggression. Thats my batttery fluid.

1. I might have a date this week.
2. I might have auditions for a band this week.
3. I am almost debt free.
4. After all my hell, I still haven't broken edge.
5. I still haven't self destructed.
6. I might get to go back to college this fall.
7. If the RE fan film gets made, Tom Savini might help out (Kenny will try).
8. I might go into law enforcement.
9. I never ran away from my problems, I take them on one at a time.

I can't do anything but save money in my current situation. I need to go places where I can meet people, but the more my mom drives me, the more I have to pay.

Its summer! Lets cut the avoidance bullshit and do what friends do! I want to enjoy things. Theres a beach east of here, theres a movie theater even closer, there are malls, there are parks,... do you have any idea how long it'll take me to get there on foot? How about how boring it'll get by myself? Sorry for the long response, dude. Lets talk in person.

Re: now's the time to break the silence...

[coltknows]

You've had three months for the cup to evaporate, dude. Sure I'm still haunted by that bullshit, but I can go days without mentioning it. I have. In fact, you might've noticed a few hints at a possible date in my near future. Its little, and I don't expect much to come of it, but thats probably the best thing for me right now. I'm starting small, I AM moving on with my life, and if the pay is good, I wouldn't have a seconds hesitation about moving.

There aren't really any better jobs within range of here. Commuting more than a half hours drive is something that must wait for a license, and that requires money.

If you and I are middle-class, we're still not on the same level. You are borderline wealthy, and I'm borderline poor. Its just that neither of us is that close to our respective borders. I bring this up to support a point. We have different views on life based on what we can do with it.

Look. Lets just FORGET about my problems and let me deal with them my way. I don't need you to help me lift the weight anymore. It is the ability to enjoy the company of my friends that gives me the strength to carry the weight by myself. I'm not a typical guy. I can't just forget about something in two weeks. I have an obsessive personality that gets on even my own nerves, and thats something I have to deal with on my own. Just don't kick me to the sidelines simply because my coping skills suck. Spending time with friends has always made me feel better. Not having that allows my dread to increase.

She never has to be part of our discussions. We should hang out like we used to and have good times. That is NOT too much to ask. Come over and play Guitar Hero 2 some time. If you've got a copy on your 360, bring it for a jam session (but if you want to play Killing In The Name, my disk is scratched ONLY ON THAT SONG). My problems are NOT to be discussed, save for a BRIEF discussion about US, just to burry the hatchet. After that, we must have some fun.

Whats it going to be? Are we going to hang out again, or am I just a thorn in the side now? Don't avoid the issue. I want answers, and I'm not one to be walked on anymore.

Again, I'm sorry for my anger, but you should understand why I am.

P.S.: DO NOT use any form of dishonesty when talking to me. I don't want excuses, I want truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is ALWAYS better than lies or excuses. Remember, I don't easily take offense to what people say about me.