(no subject)
Astra sighed as she gazed into the darkening sky. Her eyes searched for tiny sparkling lights but her efforts were fruitless. No stars again tonight. She lay back on the grass, welcoming the evening. She felt as if she were being swallowed up by a dark beast. It wasn't just the night which made her feel this way. She'd been feeling gloomy for some time. It was a week ago that she's arrived home to find her grandmother on the porch, waiting for her, looking sad.
"It's your father," Gran told her. "He's had a heart attack. He's not expected to pull through."
Astra didn't know her parents. Her mother had died giving birth to her, and unable to cope with the loss of his wife and feeling incapable of raising Astra alone, her dad had moved away to another town, leaving her to be cared for by his mother. She'd seen photographs and considered him handsome, and she knew he'd given her the name Astra for some special reason. Her Gran knew, but wouldn't tell. "It's something he should explain himself," she always said.
Gran's voice interrupted her thoughts. "I have to go to him. Will you come?" Astra hesitated, and then nodded solemnly. She didn't think she could face the man who had abandoned her, but Gran needed her. She had to put her own feelings aside. The drive to the hospital was long and silent. They were met out the front of the Intensive Care Unit by a doctor. "I'm afraid that his condition has worsened," he informed them gently. "He may not make it through the night."
A nurse came to take Gran to her son. Astra sat in the waiting room. She closed her eyes, exhausted, and soon fell asleep. She was woken a few hours later by Gran. "Your dad's awake and calling for you. Go to him. He's desperate to see you." Astra stood and walked slowly to where the nurse waited. She was taken into a dark room. She looked at the floor until the nurse left.
The door clicked shut behind her. She took a deep breath, then turned to face him. He looked just like he did in all the pictures, except older and grayer. He appeared frail and helpless, hooked up to the machines. She walked to his bed and sat in the chair beside it.
Their eyes locked. "Astra," he smiled wearily. Astra was confused.
She felt sorry for him, but she was angry, too. After a time, though, she couldn't stand it any longer.
"Why did you leave me?" Her father looked at her in pain. "I wanted to take care of you but I couldn't do it. You were a constant reminder of your mother. I just couldn't cope." Astra's anger grew. "So it was all my fault then?" "No, it's not your fault. I've never blamed you." He spoke firmly. "I do love you Astra. Please believe me."
She sat staring down at her hands, not knowing what to say. "I want to tell you something your mother told me, a story her mum told her."
Astra looked up at him curiously. "When someone close to you dies, a bright star will burn at night. You have to look for the star because it's a sign from that person, it's their special way of telling you that they're looking over you and that they love you....." He faltered, weak, then pulled a silver ring from his little finger. It had a star on it. "Your mum was given this when she was told the story. It's a family tradition. She'd have wanted you to have it and learn the story, so you can pass them one day."
He took Astra's hand, placed the ring in her palm and held on tightly. His eyelids fluttered, threatening to close. "What about my name?" she urged. "When your mother died, I searched out her star. It was so brilliant and shining. Astra means 'like a star'. And you were like you mother's star, radiant and celestial."
He squeezed her hand. "I'm going to prove I love you Astra. I'm going to burn the brightest star there ever was. Just for you." He gazed at her, his eyes were now unseeing. Astra knew that he was slipping away. "Look for my star. Please, Astra." His hand fell from hers. A monitor began to beep urgently and medical staff rushed in, ushering her out of the room....
But she couldn't find his star. She'd looked every evening since and had found nothing. She scanned the sky a final time. "Maybe you don't love me after all," she whispered sadly into the heavy darkness. She turned and walked slowly back into the light of the house. Behind her, in the ebony sky, a solitary star flashed into the night.
"It's your father," Gran told her. "He's had a heart attack. He's not expected to pull through."
Astra didn't know her parents. Her mother had died giving birth to her, and unable to cope with the loss of his wife and feeling incapable of raising Astra alone, her dad had moved away to another town, leaving her to be cared for by his mother. She'd seen photographs and considered him handsome, and she knew he'd given her the name Astra for some special reason. Her Gran knew, but wouldn't tell. "It's something he should explain himself," she always said.
Gran's voice interrupted her thoughts. "I have to go to him. Will you come?" Astra hesitated, and then nodded solemnly. She didn't think she could face the man who had abandoned her, but Gran needed her. She had to put her own feelings aside. The drive to the hospital was long and silent. They were met out the front of the Intensive Care Unit by a doctor. "I'm afraid that his condition has worsened," he informed them gently. "He may not make it through the night."
A nurse came to take Gran to her son. Astra sat in the waiting room. She closed her eyes, exhausted, and soon fell asleep. She was woken a few hours later by Gran. "Your dad's awake and calling for you. Go to him. He's desperate to see you." Astra stood and walked slowly to where the nurse waited. She was taken into a dark room. She looked at the floor until the nurse left.
The door clicked shut behind her. She took a deep breath, then turned to face him. He looked just like he did in all the pictures, except older and grayer. He appeared frail and helpless, hooked up to the machines. She walked to his bed and sat in the chair beside it.
Their eyes locked. "Astra," he smiled wearily. Astra was confused.
She felt sorry for him, but she was angry, too. After a time, though, she couldn't stand it any longer.
"Why did you leave me?" Her father looked at her in pain. "I wanted to take care of you but I couldn't do it. You were a constant reminder of your mother. I just couldn't cope." Astra's anger grew. "So it was all my fault then?" "No, it's not your fault. I've never blamed you." He spoke firmly. "I do love you Astra. Please believe me."
She sat staring down at her hands, not knowing what to say. "I want to tell you something your mother told me, a story her mum told her."
Astra looked up at him curiously. "When someone close to you dies, a bright star will burn at night. You have to look for the star because it's a sign from that person, it's their special way of telling you that they're looking over you and that they love you....." He faltered, weak, then pulled a silver ring from his little finger. It had a star on it. "Your mum was given this when she was told the story. It's a family tradition. She'd have wanted you to have it and learn the story, so you can pass them one day."
He took Astra's hand, placed the ring in her palm and held on tightly. His eyelids fluttered, threatening to close. "What about my name?" she urged. "When your mother died, I searched out her star. It was so brilliant and shining. Astra means 'like a star'. And you were like you mother's star, radiant and celestial."
He squeezed her hand. "I'm going to prove I love you Astra. I'm going to burn the brightest star there ever was. Just for you." He gazed at her, his eyes were now unseeing. Astra knew that he was slipping away. "Look for my star. Please, Astra." His hand fell from hers. A monitor began to beep urgently and medical staff rushed in, ushering her out of the room....
But she couldn't find his star. She'd looked every evening since and had found nothing. She scanned the sky a final time. "Maybe you don't love me after all," she whispered sadly into the heavy darkness. She turned and walked slowly back into the light of the house. Behind her, in the ebony sky, a solitary star flashed into the night.