(no subject)
I'm loveing my life right now.
drug/alcohol induced happiness is much better than anyone will make you think it is.
I haven't slept more than 10 hours in a week.
I'm insanely tired.
I don't care.
I'm loving every minute of it.
My life is just riding that downward spiral to the pits of hell, and I know the outcome is going to be sickeningly bad.
But I'm laughing the whole way there.
I miss Alex alot.
I was scrolling through some pictures the other day, and found so many pictures of us wrestling, and 902849324 of him eating at random restaraunts.
Alex, if you read this. I miss you.
I miss Tori alot.
I hung out with Tori last weekend, and it was just like old times. I hadn't hug out with her in weeks. I don't want it to end. You're my best friend (one of the two). If you read this, know that I'm sorry about not being around you as much at school and not being very accepting of the whole Cade thing. I'm jealous and I can't help it. I remember when we started hanging out and became freaking attached that I was afraid we'd get back to school after the break and you'd go back to being best friends with Kelcie and Kayla, and I'd be left out. And then we came back and after a while most of your time went to Cade, so for a few weekends I only hung out with kayla and Tara and intentionally left you out.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
And I'm a bitch.
In all the fun I've been having I have literally been closing people out of my life and for that I apologize.
Rochelle, of all people. I'm incredibly sorry that I ever ever ever ever ever hurt your feelings.
You, in my eyes, are a little sister. You're the kind of person that's just cute, and sweet. And we understand each other. And i love how you'll eat a bowl of cereal I didn't finish. Or you'll cuddle up close to me when we watch scary movies, or how whenever we're just laying around you lay on me because I'm big. You honestly are like my little sister, and I love that from the very first time we hung out I felt completely comfortable around you. And we could just talk. You say what you think, and thas one main thing that I think makes us so close. Because were like siblings. You'll tell me when my hair looks weird, and I tell you how fucking gorgeous you are all the time and that your hair never looks weird (even if you wanted it to). and I'm sorry for not sounding very concerned with how you felt earlier.
and I miss you more than I'll let on.
I miss Tyler.
I haven't seen you in months.
I honestly love you. I loved your painfully intelligent jokes that you always had to break down for me. I miss you getting online everyday just to talk to me. I miss going up to your apartment and just hanging out. I miss knowing for sure that someone out there finds me attractive no matter what (that sounded low, and kind of bad but i'm being honest right now.) I hardly get to talk to you anymore, and Kelley is the only person I have left that I can hold a conversation with about Deep things and now be totally confusing her. I miss that i oculd talk to you for hours and never once feel like I was the only person in the conversation that had an intelligent opinion on things. Maybe "we" never worked out, and I never expected it to in all honesty. I wanted your friendship more than anything throughout the whole ordeal, and the friendship is what I want. I'll see you again sometime relatively soon I hope. Until then I miss you. Please be safe.
It's like I'm writing a suicide letter.
drug/alcohol induced happiness is much better than anyone will make you think it is.
I haven't slept more than 10 hours in a week.
I'm insanely tired.
I don't care.
I'm loving every minute of it.
My life is just riding that downward spiral to the pits of hell, and I know the outcome is going to be sickeningly bad.
But I'm laughing the whole way there.
I miss Alex alot.
I was scrolling through some pictures the other day, and found so many pictures of us wrestling, and 902849324 of him eating at random restaraunts.
Alex, if you read this. I miss you.
I miss Tori alot.
I hung out with Tori last weekend, and it was just like old times. I hadn't hug out with her in weeks. I don't want it to end. You're my best friend (one of the two). If you read this, know that I'm sorry about not being around you as much at school and not being very accepting of the whole Cade thing. I'm jealous and I can't help it. I remember when we started hanging out and became freaking attached that I was afraid we'd get back to school after the break and you'd go back to being best friends with Kelcie and Kayla, and I'd be left out. And then we came back and after a while most of your time went to Cade, so for a few weekends I only hung out with kayla and Tara and intentionally left you out.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
And I'm a bitch.
In all the fun I've been having I have literally been closing people out of my life and for that I apologize.
Rochelle, of all people. I'm incredibly sorry that I ever ever ever ever ever hurt your feelings.
You, in my eyes, are a little sister. You're the kind of person that's just cute, and sweet. And we understand each other. And i love how you'll eat a bowl of cereal I didn't finish. Or you'll cuddle up close to me when we watch scary movies, or how whenever we're just laying around you lay on me because I'm big. You honestly are like my little sister, and I love that from the very first time we hung out I felt completely comfortable around you. And we could just talk. You say what you think, and thas one main thing that I think makes us so close. Because were like siblings. You'll tell me when my hair looks weird, and I tell you how fucking gorgeous you are all the time and that your hair never looks weird (even if you wanted it to). and I'm sorry for not sounding very concerned with how you felt earlier.
and I miss you more than I'll let on.
I miss Tyler.
I haven't seen you in months.
I honestly love you. I loved your painfully intelligent jokes that you always had to break down for me. I miss you getting online everyday just to talk to me. I miss going up to your apartment and just hanging out. I miss knowing for sure that someone out there finds me attractive no matter what (that sounded low, and kind of bad but i'm being honest right now.) I hardly get to talk to you anymore, and Kelley is the only person I have left that I can hold a conversation with about Deep things and now be totally confusing her. I miss that i oculd talk to you for hours and never once feel like I was the only person in the conversation that had an intelligent opinion on things. Maybe "we" never worked out, and I never expected it to in all honesty. I wanted your friendship more than anything throughout the whole ordeal, and the friendship is what I want. I'll see you again sometime relatively soon I hope. Until then I miss you. Please be safe.
It's like I'm writing a suicide letter.