Unexpected
Title: Unexpected
Author: kerrymdb
Prompt #: 12, the rainbow
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,680
Summary: The direction in Tonks' life takes a very unexpected turn.
Author’s Notes: This is basically an open love letter to the Snape/Tonks ship. I wanted to write one last encounter for them, in case something happens to either one of them. I feel ready for whatever happens on the 21st.
Unexpected
This was not what she expected, Tonks thinks to herself as she lies back in Severus' arms. He kisses her neck and Tonks wonders again how she could have possibly ended here. How she found herself in love with Severus Snape. And he in love with her.
~~~~~
Tonks steps into his hospital room, not sure what to expect. She doesn't even understand why she's actually here at all. Perhaps in part to thank Snape for working like a mad man when the silver invaded Remus' body, trying to save his life during the final battle. Or perhaps her grief over her dead lover led her here.
Or most likely, it is because she feels so bloody sorry for him. Alone in St. Mungo's, reviled even though his loyalty to Albus Dumbledore has been proven again and again.
She knocks softly on the doorframe and steps further into the room. He makes no sound or movement to suggest that he even realises that she's there. Snape's hair's been sheared short, leaving his face to look almost skeletal with the skin stretched too far over the bone.
But what catches her eye is how straight he sits in the chair - like he could stand up at time and walk right out of the room - even though from what she hears, his legs are powerless.
She asks if she can sit down, and he give no response, so she sits on the hospital bed and looks around. There's no warmth in the room, no encouragement to get better. Only plain white walls and a gleaming white tiled floor.
Tonks waits for him to speak. He doesn't. She sits there for more than an hour, staring out the same window he does, looking over Muggle London. Finally she stands up and leaves without a word.
In bed that night she realises that he never told her not to come back.
~~~~~
Every Sunday afternoon for six weeks she visits him. His hair is growing longer, his frame is filling out - he no longer looks like a ghost - but he still sits in the wheelchair without speaking.
They stare out the window. Fall is almost here, and she's glad for the cooler weather and the changing colours of the leaves. There are no leaves to been seen out Snape's window and she idly wonders if she should bring some for him to look at.
"Have they given Potter his parade yet?" he asks quietly. His voice scratchy like it hadn't been used recently and she wonders if there are others that he isn't speaking to or if she's the only one.
She stops biting down on the bit of hair that was in her mouth - black and curly, when she hit a quarter century of age a month ago, she decided it was no longer cute to have pink hair - and swallows loudly.
"No," she answers. "Harry refused to be involved in any celebration."
He smiles grimly and turns to look at her. It is the first time they make eye contact since she started her visits. "It's gratifying to know Potter is finally learning some sense."
~~~~~
The next week he doesn't speak and Tonks finds herself disappointed. But the week after that, he is facing the hospital bed in his wheelchair, not the window, when she enters, something he has never done before.
She sits gingerly on the bed and gives him a smile. There is not much more she can give today - she's tired and lonely and doesn’t want to be here. But Snape doesn't need to know that, so she smiles instead.
He looks at her astutely, like he knows exactly what she's thinking and she realises that he probably does. He asks how she feels.
"Shitty," she replies without even thinking. Lowering her head, she curses herself. She didn't mean to let that out. He doesn't need her burden; he has enough of his own. Lifting her chin, without even realising it, she offers her friendship. She asks how he is.
His eyes seem to be measuring her and she wonders if her offer will be accepted. Somehow, she thinks not, which is why she's surprised when he answers that he feels the way.
And the flood gates opened between them.
~~~~~
"You're late." His eyebrow arches and the transformation is complete. He looks the same as he did before the war, except sitting in a wheelchair.
"I was working, what's it matter?" she answers briskly. Today was not a good day. There had been a report of a Dark Mark above someone's house. It threw everyone into a panic. But it was decided that it was simply someone's idea of a sick joke.
"My entire schedule's thrown off for the day," he drawls. "I wish you could take into consideration that I have an extremely full schedule of many important places to go."
It takes almost a minute of glaring at him before she realises that he's telling a joke.
She sits cross-legged on his bed, as she chews nervously on her auburn hair, she tells him about the mark. He shrugs and asks if the Ministry truly thought they had captured all of the Death Eaters?
"You read the papers," she pleads. "Who haven't we caught?"
She doesn't expect him to tell her. Why should he help the Ministry? But he does. And what's more, he tells her where they might be able to find them.
"Why are you telling me this?" she asks quietly.
His hands move on the wheels of his chair and he deftly turns towards the window and away from her. "Because if they are caught, there is a chance I might actually survive if I leave this room."
Her breath hitches. He has told her before that he doesn't expect to live long after he's released from St. Mungo's in a few months. There are far too many he has betrayed; the price on his head, too high.
Before, he always spoke of his death casually, like it didn't really matter if he lived or died. But at this moment, when there seems to be just slightest glimmer of hope, Tonks realises how desperately she wants him to live.
He's become a good friend, something she never expected when she started these visits.
Tonks stands up quickly and leaves the room without a word. He knows where she's going.
~~~~~
She's not able to visit the next week. The Aurors are swamped with the last offensive of the war. And somehow, with the information that Snape has provided, plus more they were able to get from the first Death Eaters captured, every single person on his list has been caught.
But there was a cost, of course there was a cost. On the very last raid, two Aurors were killed, Kingsley Shacklebolt one of them. Tonks was amazed how hard his death hit her. They barely spoke since the war ended, the only common thread between them cut. But he was part of her past, a past when she was with Remus. And Tonks realised how desperately she wanted to be free of that past.
When she's able to see Snape again, she's surprised how angular he looks - he's lost weight again. She enters the room and he doesn't speak to her; he's staring out the window. Tonks realises then she should have owled, something to tell him when she'd be back.
"I'm sorry," she says, her voice breaking slightly.
He doesn't turn to look at her. "If these visits are a burden to you, Nymphadora, you are free to discontinue them," he says condescendingly.
"I want to be here," she tells him softly, sitting on his bed.
"An owl or a Patronus-"
"You think my Patronus is weak," she shoots back at him, remembering that vindictive smile on his face when he said those words.
"Is it still the werewolf?" he asks.
Tonks pauses. She hasn't cast a Patronus Charm since Remus' death. So she stands and takes out her wand, casting the charm.
A small lizard slithers around the room. Her original Patronus. Tonks sits back on in the bed - her legs seem to have given out - and takes a deep breath.
She's free.
Finally Tonks finds her voice again and tells Snape about the successful raid on the Death Eaters and how they caught everyone that he listed. He put his hand - shaking slightly - over his mouth while she speaks and Tonks realises that he's free as well.
~~~~~
Tonks arrives early the day he's set to be released from St. Mungo's. Severus has completed his physical therapy and the Healers have pronounced him cured, except for the minor detail of not being able to walk. They pronounced him ready to start the rest of his life, confined to a wheelchair.
He's facing the window again and her shoulders slump, wondering what she could have possibly done to offend him this time. She's about to open her mouth to ask what was wrong, when he starts to speak.
He tells her his role in the war and what he had done. As he speaks, there are many so many times Tonks wanted to put her hands over her ears. She doesn't want to hear of torture or coercion or death, not today, not on the day his new life is set to begin.
But then she wonders if this is how he wants to prepare for his new life. Perhaps he wants to leave these memories in this room. Maybe then they will no longer haunt him.
Finally, he finishes and looks at her. Tonks nods her head in acknowledgement of what he has told her. She knows they will not speak of what was said again.
A Healers walks in with paperwork and after Severus provides his signature, he's allowed to leave.
"Are you ready?" she asks lightly, picking up the small case of his possessions. Unsure if she's being foolish or not, she's offered to let him stay in her flat for a bit. He probably thinks she feels sorry for him but the truth is she's lonely as hell and wouldn't mind the company. Molly and Arthur, who were her best friends during the war, are so busy with grandchildren and wedding planning that they have no time for her anymore. It will be nice to have someone to talk to and besides, her building has an elevator, which will be handy.
"I am," he tells her, taking a deep breath. He wheels ahead of her and they go through the hallway side by side. It takes Tonks a few steps to figure out how fast to walk next to him but she does.
When he pushes himself out of the St. Mungo's, he stops. His face betrays nothing as he closes his eyes, but Tonks imagines that he's memorising this moment, the moment of feeling the air brush his cheek, the sun on his face for the first time in six months. That or he's waiting to be killed like he thought would happen for so long.
Severus opens his eyes and looks up at her. She smiles. "Let's go home."
~~~~~
It's late Christmas night, and they've both had too much to drink. Severus blames her - if she hadn't burnt the turkey, he says he wouldn't have had to drink fire whiskey to cover the taste.
They're sitting on her worn denim sofa; he's sitting forward on one end, his wheelchair next to him, and she's on the other, leaning on the arm. The alcohol in her system gives Tonks a false sense of bravery and security so she brings her knees to her chest and asks, "Do you miss walking?"
"I don't even dream of walking anymore," he replies quietly. "I'm always in the bloody chair, even when I dream of events far in the past."
She doesn't know what to say to that and decides her question is silly. Of course he misses walking. Who wouldn't?
"If I had to have a permanent injury," he continues, "I'm glad it was my legs and not my hands."
"Because you couldn't brew," she says knowingly. She never realised how passionate he was about brewing until he arrived at the flat and handed her a list of ingredients and tools that he wanted her to buy, using the last of his funds.
"Exactly," he says, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling and closing his eyes. He lets out a slow breath. "I'll soon have enough money to go back to my own residence."
This is news to Tonks. She drops her knees and sits crossed-legged on the sofa. He's only been her guest for five weeks but she's gotten used to having him here, even if he has turned her kitchen into a Potions laboratory.
Severus brews during the day while she's at work and when she comes home, they make a quick supper and then spend the evening together, either playing card games or reading, sometimes aloud. He's become a habit that she's simply not ready to break.
And that's when she realises that she's somehow managed to fall in love with him.
~~~~~
His birthday arrives, and she's struggling. Tonks hasn't told him how she feels and doesn't know if she should. Severus has so much to deal with without adding her to his troubles. She's found herself in the same situation she had been in with Remus, when he left for the ferals, and is determined to handle everything with maturity and grace, exactly the opposite of how she handled Remus' departure.
She walks into her flat after work and Severus isn't in the kitchen, where he usually is when she arrives home. He's sitting on the sofa, looking out the picture window in her flat.
"Happy birthday," she says cheerfully, hiding the guilt from her voice. She needed to work late today, causing her to miss supper.
"You already gave your good wishes this morning," he says, not taking his eyes off of the window. "It's not necessary twice."
Her heart sinks and she chews on the end of some of her light brown hair, wondering if he's that upset with her over being late. She can't imagine that he would be; he understood that her job didn't have set hours.
Tonks sits down next to him on the sofa, her ankles crossed and her hands resting demurely in her lap. Dignity and grace, she thinks to herself. She asks what they're looking at and he tells her to shut up and let him be maudlin.
She brings her feet up underneath her. As she does, she shifts and ends up resting slightly against Severus. When he makes no move, she stays still, trying to memorise how his body feels next to hers.
They continue to stare out the window, which only has a view of the parking lot across the street. But Tonks doesn't care. She wants to enjoy being this close to him. Because soon she is going to have to let him go. She needs to put his needs in front of hers and she's fairly confident that his needs don't include a romantic entanglement.
In a fit of Gryffindor bravery, she decides to give him the choice. Tonks moves her hand slowly so that it is resting on top of his. His fingers are thin and bony, not ideal for hand holding, but hand holding is not what she's offering. She's offering forever.
Heads turn at the same time and before Tonks even has a chance to breathe, he accepts, his lips pressing urgently against her own.
And over the next several hours, their bodies negotiate the terms.
~~~~~
Life with Severus was certainly unexpected, she thinks again to herself as he gently places his hand on her ever-growing bump. But the surprise only made it that much more wonderful.
Author: kerrymdb
Prompt #: 12, the rainbow
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,680
Summary: The direction in Tonks' life takes a very unexpected turn.
Author’s Notes: This is basically an open love letter to the Snape/Tonks ship. I wanted to write one last encounter for them, in case something happens to either one of them. I feel ready for whatever happens on the 21st.
Unexpected
This was not what she expected, Tonks thinks to herself as she lies back in Severus' arms. He kisses her neck and Tonks wonders again how she could have possibly ended here. How she found herself in love with Severus Snape. And he in love with her.
~~~~~
Tonks steps into his hospital room, not sure what to expect. She doesn't even understand why she's actually here at all. Perhaps in part to thank Snape for working like a mad man when the silver invaded Remus' body, trying to save his life during the final battle. Or perhaps her grief over her dead lover led her here.
Or most likely, it is because she feels so bloody sorry for him. Alone in St. Mungo's, reviled even though his loyalty to Albus Dumbledore has been proven again and again.
She knocks softly on the doorframe and steps further into the room. He makes no sound or movement to suggest that he even realises that she's there. Snape's hair's been sheared short, leaving his face to look almost skeletal with the skin stretched too far over the bone.
But what catches her eye is how straight he sits in the chair - like he could stand up at time and walk right out of the room - even though from what she hears, his legs are powerless.
She asks if she can sit down, and he give no response, so she sits on the hospital bed and looks around. There's no warmth in the room, no encouragement to get better. Only plain white walls and a gleaming white tiled floor.
Tonks waits for him to speak. He doesn't. She sits there for more than an hour, staring out the same window he does, looking over Muggle London. Finally she stands up and leaves without a word.
In bed that night she realises that he never told her not to come back.
~~~~~
Every Sunday afternoon for six weeks she visits him. His hair is growing longer, his frame is filling out - he no longer looks like a ghost - but he still sits in the wheelchair without speaking.
They stare out the window. Fall is almost here, and she's glad for the cooler weather and the changing colours of the leaves. There are no leaves to been seen out Snape's window and she idly wonders if she should bring some for him to look at.
"Have they given Potter his parade yet?" he asks quietly. His voice scratchy like it hadn't been used recently and she wonders if there are others that he isn't speaking to or if she's the only one.
She stops biting down on the bit of hair that was in her mouth - black and curly, when she hit a quarter century of age a month ago, she decided it was no longer cute to have pink hair - and swallows loudly.
"No," she answers. "Harry refused to be involved in any celebration."
He smiles grimly and turns to look at her. It is the first time they make eye contact since she started her visits. "It's gratifying to know Potter is finally learning some sense."
~~~~~
The next week he doesn't speak and Tonks finds herself disappointed. But the week after that, he is facing the hospital bed in his wheelchair, not the window, when she enters, something he has never done before.
She sits gingerly on the bed and gives him a smile. There is not much more she can give today - she's tired and lonely and doesn’t want to be here. But Snape doesn't need to know that, so she smiles instead.
He looks at her astutely, like he knows exactly what she's thinking and she realises that he probably does. He asks how she feels.
"Shitty," she replies without even thinking. Lowering her head, she curses herself. She didn't mean to let that out. He doesn't need her burden; he has enough of his own. Lifting her chin, without even realising it, she offers her friendship. She asks how he is.
His eyes seem to be measuring her and she wonders if her offer will be accepted. Somehow, she thinks not, which is why she's surprised when he answers that he feels the way.
And the flood gates opened between them.
~~~~~
"You're late." His eyebrow arches and the transformation is complete. He looks the same as he did before the war, except sitting in a wheelchair.
"I was working, what's it matter?" she answers briskly. Today was not a good day. There had been a report of a Dark Mark above someone's house. It threw everyone into a panic. But it was decided that it was simply someone's idea of a sick joke.
"My entire schedule's thrown off for the day," he drawls. "I wish you could take into consideration that I have an extremely full schedule of many important places to go."
It takes almost a minute of glaring at him before she realises that he's telling a joke.
She sits cross-legged on his bed, as she chews nervously on her auburn hair, she tells him about the mark. He shrugs and asks if the Ministry truly thought they had captured all of the Death Eaters?
"You read the papers," she pleads. "Who haven't we caught?"
She doesn't expect him to tell her. Why should he help the Ministry? But he does. And what's more, he tells her where they might be able to find them.
"Why are you telling me this?" she asks quietly.
His hands move on the wheels of his chair and he deftly turns towards the window and away from her. "Because if they are caught, there is a chance I might actually survive if I leave this room."
Her breath hitches. He has told her before that he doesn't expect to live long after he's released from St. Mungo's in a few months. There are far too many he has betrayed; the price on his head, too high.
Before, he always spoke of his death casually, like it didn't really matter if he lived or died. But at this moment, when there seems to be just slightest glimmer of hope, Tonks realises how desperately she wants him to live.
He's become a good friend, something she never expected when she started these visits.
Tonks stands up quickly and leaves the room without a word. He knows where she's going.
~~~~~
She's not able to visit the next week. The Aurors are swamped with the last offensive of the war. And somehow, with the information that Snape has provided, plus more they were able to get from the first Death Eaters captured, every single person on his list has been caught.
But there was a cost, of course there was a cost. On the very last raid, two Aurors were killed, Kingsley Shacklebolt one of them. Tonks was amazed how hard his death hit her. They barely spoke since the war ended, the only common thread between them cut. But he was part of her past, a past when she was with Remus. And Tonks realised how desperately she wanted to be free of that past.
When she's able to see Snape again, she's surprised how angular he looks - he's lost weight again. She enters the room and he doesn't speak to her; he's staring out the window. Tonks realises then she should have owled, something to tell him when she'd be back.
"I'm sorry," she says, her voice breaking slightly.
He doesn't turn to look at her. "If these visits are a burden to you, Nymphadora, you are free to discontinue them," he says condescendingly.
"I want to be here," she tells him softly, sitting on his bed.
"An owl or a Patronus-"
"You think my Patronus is weak," she shoots back at him, remembering that vindictive smile on his face when he said those words.
"Is it still the werewolf?" he asks.
Tonks pauses. She hasn't cast a Patronus Charm since Remus' death. So she stands and takes out her wand, casting the charm.
A small lizard slithers around the room. Her original Patronus. Tonks sits back on in the bed - her legs seem to have given out - and takes a deep breath.
She's free.
Finally Tonks finds her voice again and tells Snape about the successful raid on the Death Eaters and how they caught everyone that he listed. He put his hand - shaking slightly - over his mouth while she speaks and Tonks realises that he's free as well.
~~~~~
Tonks arrives early the day he's set to be released from St. Mungo's. Severus has completed his physical therapy and the Healers have pronounced him cured, except for the minor detail of not being able to walk. They pronounced him ready to start the rest of his life, confined to a wheelchair.
He's facing the window again and her shoulders slump, wondering what she could have possibly done to offend him this time. She's about to open her mouth to ask what was wrong, when he starts to speak.
He tells her his role in the war and what he had done. As he speaks, there are many so many times Tonks wanted to put her hands over her ears. She doesn't want to hear of torture or coercion or death, not today, not on the day his new life is set to begin.
But then she wonders if this is how he wants to prepare for his new life. Perhaps he wants to leave these memories in this room. Maybe then they will no longer haunt him.
Finally, he finishes and looks at her. Tonks nods her head in acknowledgement of what he has told her. She knows they will not speak of what was said again.
A Healers walks in with paperwork and after Severus provides his signature, he's allowed to leave.
"Are you ready?" she asks lightly, picking up the small case of his possessions. Unsure if she's being foolish or not, she's offered to let him stay in her flat for a bit. He probably thinks she feels sorry for him but the truth is she's lonely as hell and wouldn't mind the company. Molly and Arthur, who were her best friends during the war, are so busy with grandchildren and wedding planning that they have no time for her anymore. It will be nice to have someone to talk to and besides, her building has an elevator, which will be handy.
"I am," he tells her, taking a deep breath. He wheels ahead of her and they go through the hallway side by side. It takes Tonks a few steps to figure out how fast to walk next to him but she does.
When he pushes himself out of the St. Mungo's, he stops. His face betrays nothing as he closes his eyes, but Tonks imagines that he's memorising this moment, the moment of feeling the air brush his cheek, the sun on his face for the first time in six months. That or he's waiting to be killed like he thought would happen for so long.
Severus opens his eyes and looks up at her. She smiles. "Let's go home."
~~~~~
It's late Christmas night, and they've both had too much to drink. Severus blames her - if she hadn't burnt the turkey, he says he wouldn't have had to drink fire whiskey to cover the taste.
They're sitting on her worn denim sofa; he's sitting forward on one end, his wheelchair next to him, and she's on the other, leaning on the arm. The alcohol in her system gives Tonks a false sense of bravery and security so she brings her knees to her chest and asks, "Do you miss walking?"
"I don't even dream of walking anymore," he replies quietly. "I'm always in the bloody chair, even when I dream of events far in the past."
She doesn't know what to say to that and decides her question is silly. Of course he misses walking. Who wouldn't?
"If I had to have a permanent injury," he continues, "I'm glad it was my legs and not my hands."
"Because you couldn't brew," she says knowingly. She never realised how passionate he was about brewing until he arrived at the flat and handed her a list of ingredients and tools that he wanted her to buy, using the last of his funds.
"Exactly," he says, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling and closing his eyes. He lets out a slow breath. "I'll soon have enough money to go back to my own residence."
This is news to Tonks. She drops her knees and sits crossed-legged on the sofa. He's only been her guest for five weeks but she's gotten used to having him here, even if he has turned her kitchen into a Potions laboratory.
Severus brews during the day while she's at work and when she comes home, they make a quick supper and then spend the evening together, either playing card games or reading, sometimes aloud. He's become a habit that she's simply not ready to break.
And that's when she realises that she's somehow managed to fall in love with him.
~~~~~
His birthday arrives, and she's struggling. Tonks hasn't told him how she feels and doesn't know if she should. Severus has so much to deal with without adding her to his troubles. She's found herself in the same situation she had been in with Remus, when he left for the ferals, and is determined to handle everything with maturity and grace, exactly the opposite of how she handled Remus' departure.
She walks into her flat after work and Severus isn't in the kitchen, where he usually is when she arrives home. He's sitting on the sofa, looking out the picture window in her flat.
"Happy birthday," she says cheerfully, hiding the guilt from her voice. She needed to work late today, causing her to miss supper.
"You already gave your good wishes this morning," he says, not taking his eyes off of the window. "It's not necessary twice."
Her heart sinks and she chews on the end of some of her light brown hair, wondering if he's that upset with her over being late. She can't imagine that he would be; he understood that her job didn't have set hours.
Tonks sits down next to him on the sofa, her ankles crossed and her hands resting demurely in her lap. Dignity and grace, she thinks to herself. She asks what they're looking at and he tells her to shut up and let him be maudlin.
She brings her feet up underneath her. As she does, she shifts and ends up resting slightly against Severus. When he makes no move, she stays still, trying to memorise how his body feels next to hers.
They continue to stare out the window, which only has a view of the parking lot across the street. But Tonks doesn't care. She wants to enjoy being this close to him. Because soon she is going to have to let him go. She needs to put his needs in front of hers and she's fairly confident that his needs don't include a romantic entanglement.
In a fit of Gryffindor bravery, she decides to give him the choice. Tonks moves her hand slowly so that it is resting on top of his. His fingers are thin and bony, not ideal for hand holding, but hand holding is not what she's offering. She's offering forever.
Heads turn at the same time and before Tonks even has a chance to breathe, he accepts, his lips pressing urgently against her own.
And over the next several hours, their bodies negotiate the terms.
~~~~~
Life with Severus was certainly unexpected, she thinks again to herself as he gently places his hand on her ever-growing bump. But the surprise only made it that much more wonderful.