strange realizations.
I've always found myself falling into the mold of the "hopeless romantic" type
of girl, wishing for the romance I read about in books, see in movies, and even
write about. I've had a few serious crushes (as I've written about multiple times)
but never a relationship. I've never kissed a guy or anything like that (which is
something I have to admit I am ashamed to say seeing as I'm eighteen. However, I
had something of an epiphany since I've been home. I do believe that I've been
fooling myself. I don't think I am that person. I think I'm actually extremely
fearful of being in a relationship and committing all that time and emotion to
another person who isn't myself. I'm an introvert, through-and-through, and it
is frightening to consider opening my ideas and feelings and emotions to another
person. This is strange to me, as I never thought I was this type of person. I
thought I yearned for love and a relationship. I think, now, that I yearn for the
attention- but I'm not entirely sure that I'd be able to commit my entire self,
my entire mind, to another person. I'm finding that I'm breaking free from the
cage I was in before that limited my actual ability to think of reality. I'm
breaking free from the notion of being a pure romantic. Sure, I think there is
a part of me that still is; but, I believe that I'm more realistic about my
ideals. I realized that the romantic side of me comes through with my writing
and my aspiration of being in the realm of theatre. I think that acting appeals
to me as much as it does because it allows me to experience things that aren't
really true to life but that I desire anyway. Those are just a few of the thoughts
that have come to me in these past weeks of being home. It's just about a month
that I've been out of college. So strange! I can't believe it. I can't wait to
start working so that I have money and such. My summer's been relatively unevent-
ful, but I owe that to the fact that people are still in school. Once they're done,
I'll have more stuff to do!
-ashleyns
of girl, wishing for the romance I read about in books, see in movies, and even
write about. I've had a few serious crushes (as I've written about multiple times)
but never a relationship. I've never kissed a guy or anything like that (which is
something I have to admit I am ashamed to say seeing as I'm eighteen. However, I
had something of an epiphany since I've been home. I do believe that I've been
fooling myself. I don't think I am that person. I think I'm actually extremely
fearful of being in a relationship and committing all that time and emotion to
another person who isn't myself. I'm an introvert, through-and-through, and it
is frightening to consider opening my ideas and feelings and emotions to another
person. This is strange to me, as I never thought I was this type of person. I
thought I yearned for love and a relationship. I think, now, that I yearn for the
attention- but I'm not entirely sure that I'd be able to commit my entire self,
my entire mind, to another person. I'm finding that I'm breaking free from the
cage I was in before that limited my actual ability to think of reality. I'm
breaking free from the notion of being a pure romantic. Sure, I think there is
a part of me that still is; but, I believe that I'm more realistic about my
ideals. I realized that the romantic side of me comes through with my writing
and my aspiration of being in the realm of theatre. I think that acting appeals
to me as much as it does because it allows me to experience things that aren't
really true to life but that I desire anyway. Those are just a few of the thoughts
that have come to me in these past weeks of being home. It's just about a month
that I've been out of college. So strange! I can't believe it. I can't wait to
start working so that I have money and such. My summer's been relatively unevent-
ful, but I owe that to the fact that people are still in school. Once they're done,
I'll have more stuff to do!
-ashleyns